RHONY Post Mortem: Tequila-thon

Still in Mexico-

Dorinda is doing some pre breakfast yoga. Luann joins her, hung over. She joins in the yoga fun. Bethenny comes down but no yoga. Carole and Tinsley are having breakfast. Yoga is over. Luann is injury free from her drunken falls. Tinsley gets a buttload of flowers from Scott, the 5 day blind date-she’s happy. She calls him her new boyfriend.

Surfing is on the agenda-Ramona is late to the party telling everyone Luann fell-they already know. Bethenny asks to speak to Ramona alone-Ramona semi apologizes for her behavior the night before but it’s too little too late-Bethenny band Ramona from the tequila event, too much planning has gone into it, and Ramona can’t be trusted to behave herself. Ramona says ok but if Bethenny changes her mind she’d still like to go. Bethenny tells Ramona she’s never seen anything like her antics, Ramona blah blah blahs, and tells Bethenny she “doesn’t not not like her”. There’s a triple negative in there, so I’m lost. Awkward convo over.

Everyone is surfing except Sonja and Ramona. Sonja talks crap about Tinsley, jealous over Tinsley and Bethenny being friends. Sonja criticizes Tinsley for going on the 5 day date and says it’s “friend jumping”. Whaaaa? Ramona feels like she can’t win with Bethenny.

Tinsley joins Sonja and asks to talk to her. She confronts her about the Page Six story which Sonja still denies planting. Sonja refuses to squash it and tells Tinsley it’s her job. Plus it’s hard to squash a story you planted.

Luann is surfing her hangover away. They’re getting surf lessons on sand.

Sonja is mad that Tinsley brought up the story in front of everyone-she actually takes something that was said about her and puts it in Tinsley-“enabling behavior”. Wrong context but Sonja must’ve liked the sound of it.

Ladies hot the water. Dorinda isn’t bad, Bethenny is good, Carole at least can get up on the board, Luann is awful. They loved it though.

Sonja turns the entire thing on Tinsley. She’s gaslighting her and it’s almost working. Sonja is just not Tinsley’s friend.

Dorinda tells Bethenny that it hasn’t sunk in to Ramona’s head that she’s not invited to the tequila tasting. Ha. Wonder if her bff Sonja will stay back and keep her company? 😂 the ladies are off on a shopping excursion. Ramona’s strategy is to pretend everything with Ramona is excellent-Bethenny sees a dress she wants but her credit card is “blocked”, Ramona jumps in to buy the dress for her. Bethenny is all “really, NO”. She buys it anyway. Bethenny is changing her mind about excluding Ramona. Ramona buys everyone straw bags. She’s buying her way to the tequila trip and it’s working. But she forgot Dorinda.

Sonja joins Bethenny and Carole in the hot tub. Bethenny is still going on and on about the Tequila trip. But she’s on edge. Sonja says she’s trying. Sonja says that Ramona is miserable because she’s not “getting banged”. They see Ramona alone on the beach running-there must be a man at the end of the beach.

Sonja is talking to Ramona acting like she was her big advocate to Bethenny. Ramona finally acknowledges she hurt Bethenny’s feelings. But it wasn’t her intention, y’all.

It’s dinner time-they’re at a restaurant it looks like, they’ve got to go easy on the drinking. Tinsley is reading Page Six at the table. Tins. We get it. Enough. Bethenny says how amazing it would be if someone actually told the truth and confessed. Sonja acts like she has no idea, dismisses it as a “Tinsley Tantrum” and it’s being blown out of proportion. Carole puts Sonja in her place and says what’s ridiculous is calling her a bad houseguest, which YOU did. Sonja denies it. Carole says it’s part of her loop. Dorinda tells Sonja she hurt her feelings. Sonja is just being an asshole. She refuses to understand, and keeps saying that Tinsley is happy as a lark. Carole has to define a “circle jerk” to some of them and that brings Sonja to Ramona’s sex life. Ramona says she has every sex but conventional because she’s Catholic.

Dorinda hands out gag gifts-Ramona gets an apron because she’s always got her boobs out, Luann hit an I’m engaged/married mug, Sonja got “No One Cares” pills. It goes over Sonja’s head.

Before bed Bethenny goes over the trip for the morning, dress code, etc. She addresses Ramona and begs her, in tears, not to ruin the tequila trip. Ramona says she’d never do that, but Bethenny tells her yes you would and you have. They hug.

The big tequila trip day! Bethenny is super excited. They’re taking a helicopter to the place. Ramona has her face covered like some weird bandit, then cracks her head while getting into the helicopter. Ramona is happy she’s there. Bethenny is super proud and emotional. They land in an agave-bush-growing-place and are greeted by people in traditional Mexican garb playing drums and blowing on conch shells.

They all get straw hats and start the tour with Skinnygirl margaritas. They get a show with fire and headdresses-it’s cool. They show them agave, then into the distillery. I don’t drink (I just hate the taste of alcohol and it makes me instantly sleepy) but this looks like a tour I’d enjoy. Dorinda can’t stomach all of Ramona’s asskissing towards Bethenny.

They make it to the distillery and have to wear hard hats and safety vests. The quite explains the fermenting process and tells them the way to drink tequila in the old days was from a bull horn. They’re about to drink 130 proof tequila. Yowsa.

Luann hasn’t even had that much to drink and she’s already side eyeing the horn and thinking about taking it on a date with her lady parts later. They toast and chug. Now they see more locals, a dancing horse, and a cute little niño handing out flowers. They’ve got a table set up for more tequila. Bethenny hands out little plastic guys that go into your glass. It’s tequila numero tres. Oh wait, cinco. They’re tasting a lot, and there’s food. After 7 tequilas, don’t they all taste the same? Sonja has broken her sober streak. Time to leave.

Back to the villa-the drinking will continue. Bethenny is dancing on a table, Carole is swinging in a rope swing into the pool, Sonja is trying to make out with Luann.

Sonja is too much. Ramona says she knew her marriage was in trouble when Mario left his ring behind. Sonja tells Ramona she doesn’t believe she’s happy, keeps saying “getting BANGED-it’s haaaard, it’s haaaaard”. Sonja is crass, Bethenny tells Sonja to stop. She tells her to stop therapizing every one but drunk Sonja is relentless.

Next week: deep sea fishing. Luann is extra. Fireworks. Sonja is cut off, Bethenny skinny dips. Ramona V Bethenny part 56098. Sonja is still messy drunk. Dorinda slurs and bleeds.

Talk soon Lovelies

-Allie

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RHOC Post Mortem: The Not So Quiet Woman

Vicki needs to retire that “whoooohooo” baying at the tequila moon crap. Enough.

Back to Lydia and Shannon having words-they go back and forth and Shannon storms off. I totally feel like Lydia came into meeting Shannon with a Vicki-placed chip on her shoulder.

Tamra defends Shannon to Lydia. David follows a squawking Shannon into the ridiculously unnecessary giant limo they took to a toddlers birthday party and he’s asking her what’s wrong. Oh, David. That’s a loaded question, my dear. Shannon tells David what Lydia said to her.

Tamra wisely advises Lydia to stay off the Vicki topic. Lydia doesn’t do bitchy Vicki henchman very well and should refrain from that role. Lydia is questioning why Tamra is friends with Shannon.

Peggy is still uncomfortable from her surgery. Her son Koko is playing basketball in the house. His eyebrows are EPIC. No shade to the kid, just, wowser. When she speaks Armenian, the kids know she means BIZ. Peggy and husband are off to her Dr appointment.

Vicki is checking on her new office progress. She’s boasting about custom made this, 10,000$ that, how everything is so expensive, but that’s Vicki! She wants surveillance cameras so she can log in from her desk and spy on people coming into the office and her employees. She accused a former employee of embezzlement so has zero trust. Poor martyr Vicki is too giving and trusting and been burned. No more! She’s building an EMPIRE!

Peggy is at the plastic surgeon’s office to have her expanders checked. She’s not sure if they’re big enough. Implants are the next step. It’s weird that her husband and doctor are having the conversation about size and not including her whatsoever. She looks sad, man. Really sad. Her husband lectures her on her breast size. She says that on the outside she’s got it all but in reality is struggling. She gives her Dr a thank you speech.

Lydia and Doug are doing magazine stuff. I wonder if Doug is wearing socks. Lydia is freaked out that the magazine isn’t ready. They have a trip, a party, a launch party to plan and complete before the magazine prints. Lydia thinks Doug is too nice. Tamra calls, and Lydia wants an explanation about Shannon. Tamra describes Shannon’s personality and thinks Lydia took her the wrong way. Lydia is bitchy and dismisses Shannon as “crazy”.

Tamra calls Shannon, and is playing with Charlie the Guinea Pig. I hate Guinea Pigs.

Shannon wants to know if dinner is still on-Tamra says she talked to Lydia-she tells Shannon that she told Lydia she shouldn’t have brought up Vicki. Shannon is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and try again. Dinner is on! Charlie the GP poops on the floor and Tamra picks it up with her bare hands. Gross. Ugh.

Aspen has gas. Jim is cleaning and complaining. Meghan says the house is too big. Jim has the personality of a dry sponge. Not even wet. Meghan thinks babies can see ghosts.

Shannon is back at the gym and ready to work on losing the weight. Her Dr/Trainer asks why she gained the weight and why she let anything affect her that much to where it was detrimental to her health. He makes her get on the scale. The last weigh in she was 134. She’s 172. Dr Tims response? “wow”. I’d have punched him in the throat and walked out. I think she knows, TIM. Her body fat is 40%. She needs to start working hard. He takes before pics. She’s brave. He asks how David feels about it-she says she doesn’t want to tell him her weight because he might “be done”. Whaaaaat? Because she gained weight he’d leave? Wow. Dr Tim is going to help her.

Peggy is dribbling an Oreo Ferrari and picks Lydia up in it. That black/white color scheme is ugly AF. Peggy drives fast, I think Lydia likes it but all I see is hair and teeth. Turns out Lydia invited Dodd to dinner. Big mistake. Dodd calls Lydia, she’s allegedly not going to dinner.

Tamra picks Shannon up, (well, a driver does) and Shannon launches into a huge explanation of her weight issues. Tamra is frustrated by that.

Lydia and Peggy are waiting for Shannon and Tamra who are late. Lydia’s goal is to leave being friends. Shannon says how it took 6 yrs to build her house-Peggy dismisses it.

Lydia wants to clear the air. Shannon is open after a speech. Lydia apologizes as does Shannon. Tamra cheerleads. Peggy is over it. Shannon announces her weight issues again. Peggy pipes in with an inappropriate anecdote about joking that every Fri her husband beats her. “It’s a joke, who cares”. Shannon looks for Ashton Kutcher. Even Lydia wants to hide under a napkin. Note to Peggy: Donestic Violence isn’t funny. Peggy just doesn’t get it. Shannon is shouting about food. Tamra is trying to help her choose a healthy option but….nope. Lydia invites Shannon to Stirling’s party but warns her that Vicki and Dodd will be there. That’s a hard pass for Shannon.

Shannon is off to the bathroom, Lydia says she likes Shannon (don’t believe it) and in walks Dodd. Tamra is all “OMG Kelly Dodd just walked in” and Lydia just makes a noise and excuses herself to pee. They all collide in the ladies room-Shannon, Dodd, and Lydia. First thing Shannon does is tell Dodd how much weight she’s gained. Omg enough, Shannon. I get she’s trying to address it so people don’t talk shit but gah. Dodd says Shannon looks like a completely different person.

Dodd is making faces behind Shannon’s back to Lydia. She’s still the same immature POS. Dodd loves to push Shannon’s buttons. It works, because Shannon is going off. I mean OFF. Is Shannon drunk? She keeps repeating herself how she confided in Dodd the second she walked in. Lydia pushes them to hug it out but neither wants to. Dodd is hostile. She says this place is “her jam” and Shannon knows it’s “her jam” and she’s got the East Coast in the house. Dodd leaves.

Shannon starts crying, Lydia tries to comfort her and prays over her. An exorcism?

Dodd slides in to the booth next to Tamra, mocking Shannon. She tells Peggy that Shannon is psycho, Tamra tries to temper it. Tamra isn’t into fighting with her-she tries to reason with Dodd but it’s not going to work. Peggy is enjoying her brussel sprouts.

Shannon returns to the table and Dodd is still there. Lydia wants it squashed. Shannon tells Dodd she was just surprised to see her there, Dodds response is that she lives right down the street. Shannon is using her mother tone to explain to the child (Dodd) why her reaction was what it was. Can they all get over it? Dodd doesn’t think so. Shannon tries to drag Peggy into it but Peggy is wisely uninterested. Dodd keeps pick pick picking at Shannon because she loves to see Shannon freak out. She even has a smirk. Shannon kicks her out of the table, and Dodd makes a wise crack about Shannon’s body. I hate Dodd. Like, haaaaaate her. She looks like shite too. She gets the reaction she wanted, and Shannon flips out. Tells her to fuck off, flips her off, calls her a fucking bitch. Dodd tells her to keep eating-Shannon tosses a plate of food at her.

Again: Shannon is done, she’s done, she’s done. Lydia and Peggy are dying of embarrassment. As Shannon is leaving, Dodd is cackling like a 12 year old.

Lydia and Peggy are so embarrassed. Lydia keeps apologizing.

Tamra is trying to comfort Shannon. Hairy sweaty balls for Kelly Dodd.

Next week: Dodd gets her snatch tightened. Sophie has a driving lesson. Ryan breaks down over the past.

Talk soon, Lovelies
-Allie

Shahs of Sunset Post Mortem

Asa tells GG that she’s pregnant in a super cute way-GG is so shocked she throws her silverware. She’s super happy for Asa.

MJ goes to Mikes house Post party-now, I KNOW Mike, Mr premarital sex cheating on his wife is NOT judging Asa for not being married. Seriously, bro? So you just pick and choose what parts of your culture you want to respect. MJ joins in-because she’s a bitter and jealous hag. It’s Asa’s business, you jerks.

Reza is having a party to celebrated his one yr wedding anniversary with Adam.

Shervin, his GF, MJ Asa, and Mike are on a party bus with Adam and Reza for the party. GG is uninvited. They’re all guessing Asa’s baby’s gender. It’s a boy. Adam is persistent about having a baby.

Can I tell you how completely tired I am of seeing MJ’s udders flopping around ALL THE TIME? Put them away, girl. Over it.

This just randomly posted without permission. Awesome.

They’re at a wildlife sanctuary for the Anniversary dinner. There’s a white tiger. MJ in all her genius, asks if the tiger would kill her if she went in the cage. Moron. Go pet the kitty, MJ. Go ahead.

Everyone keeps mentioning Thailand and it’s chapping Adams ass.

MJ keeps asking to go into the animal enclosures. What is wrong with her? She sees turtle sex. They’re making some strange grunting turtle sex noise. Just like home, right MJ?

Now there are shrieking monkeys. One of the monkeys squirts “water” on Mike. Oh yes, I’m SURE it’s water.

The dinner table is set beautifully. It’s actually a cool setting. Asa can’t touch the animals, can’t eat the dressing….Reza asks Shervin if he and Annalise are exclusive, even though he knows the true answer, not the Shervin answer.

Asa wants to know who there is next to have a baby. MJ grimaces. Adam pipes up, he and Reza bicker. Reza thanks everyone for their friendship, etc.

MJ comes up w a great game-go around the table and ask anyone anything. CoughSetUpCough. Asa is going to “of course” eat her placenta. MJ asks if Jermaine proposed-Asa says no but they discuss marriage. Asa says she doesn’t want to be married this second, and they’ll marry when they marry. MJ can’t believe that no everyone is as desperate as she is to lock a man down so calls bullshit. MJ goes on to interrogate Asa, with a little hostility I might add, about her living arrangements, where her parents will live, why she’s been w Jermaine for 6 years with no ring and having a baby-Asa shits her down. Mike jumps in with pointing out that Jermaine is black, not Persian. Whoa. Reza says it’s no big deal. MJ wants her to “be real”. Adam says “lets open presents”.

GG is meeting with Adam. They hug. First time they’ve met since she attacked him physically. He wants an apology. She confesses to lying about the video. He accepts her apology. He tells her that’s as far as they go out of respect for Reza.

Adam comes home, Reza asks how it went. He tells him all she apologized for, and wants to give her a second chance. He tries to convince Reza to give her one as well but Reza isn’t ready.

MJ is drinking! What a shock. Her new favorite word seems to be “libations”. Reza is at the door and she gives him a libation. They’re all going to Shervin’s beach house and GG will be there. They are stopping in to see her father on the way to the beach. While she does her hair Reza cleans her filthy apt.

Reza and MJ stop to see her dad who is recovering from a stroke. Reza has a hard time seeing him like that.

On to the Malibu Party House. GG doesn’t drink hard alcohol anymore. Reza thinks MJ is in denial over her father’s condition. She wants to bring her dad to Vegas, Reza is like oooookay. But!! MJ says they’re going to Malibu!!! Get it together!!

MJ and Reza get there, GG comes to say hello and Reza makes himself scarce. GG feels the tension and it’s awkward.

Reza tells everyone what poor condition MJ’s dad is in and they agree she’s in denial.

There are a crap ton of people at this party. Even belly dancers. GG’s boobs are OUT. She has brought her new boyfriend, Shalom. GG is loading up on wine and avoiding Reza. Reza is rethinking his fight with GG after seeing MJs dad and calls her over to sit with him. He’s got a new perspective on life and wants to squash the beef.

He starts off by telling GG that he just wants the fight to be done. GG has a gift for everyone. She apologizes to Reza. He accepts it and it’s done.

Next week: Reza’s Halloween party. MJ wants to get pregnant. GG walks a runway. Group trip to Israel!

RHONY Post Mortem: Three Tequila…Floor!

I can’t wait to see this episode-I’m dying to see if Ramona has the sheer balls to pull her “best room” shit even though she’s on this trip by a hair.

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I need to create my own watermark so I can claim other people’s pictures as my own. 😜😱 snark, people. 😂😂 Anyway, let’s get into this episode.

I guess we’re already in Mexico, no one feels well especially Bethenny who has the flu. Ramona had some sort of skin cosmetic procedures done and it didn’t end well. They’re talking about Simon in the game “Marry, Fuck or Kill” and Sonja claims she’d kill Tinsley because she’s “unfuckable” and “unmarryable”. Daaayum-that’s harsh! Ramona wants to kill Tinsley as well because she doesn’t see Tinsley as sexual. Poor Tinsley. Dorinda ain’t playin.

Carole and Tinsley tell Luann about the date that Carole set Tinsley up on-it went well seeing as it lasted 5 days and ended up in Miami. Sonja got a wrong number dick pic.

The villa is obviously huge and amazing. They’ve got margaritas waiting, and into the villa. Awwwww shit, Ramona is already making a play for the best room-I KNEW IT! Something is wrong with Ramona. Deeply, inherently wrong. They have ocean views, the pool is beautiful-it’s perfect. Dorinda doesn’t care what room she get. Bethenny thinks there’s no way that Ramona and Sonja are going to be room whores, but Ramona is already plotting with Sonja on how to claim “the best” room. They need to reverse psychology Ramona-everyone needs to act like there’s one room they ALL want, and that’s the one she’ll try and grab. Then they get the ones they really want. I think Ramona is that simple.

Ramona and Sonja are already picking rooms, the rest have just made their way into the kitchen where there’s a bunch of food prepared. The group has just realized the 2 twits are gone, and Bethenny doesn’t want to believe that they’re room hunting. Bethenny isn’t allowing it regardless.

They saunter into the kitchen, Ramona makes Sonja do the dirty work but B shuts it down. Says no way, no how, not happening, and Ramona is a disgusting grabby twat. 😂😂😂

Bethenny says they’re grabbing numbers out of a bowl. Sonja protests that they had the “worst” room last time and since there are 2 of them…Bethenny tells Ramona to stop being a vile human being and to get it together. Finally!! The ladies draw numbers for rooms, (Sonja thinks its premeditated-no more so than the room grabbing) Tinsley gets the best room. Ramona and Sonja try and move in on her to share the room-Tinsley wants zero part of that and gives her room to Bethenny.

Everyone moves into their assigned rooms, Sonja and Ramona are STILL trying to scheme a better room. Ramona gets Sonja going by saying Tinsley has stayed with her for free blah blah the least Tinsley could have done was give Sonja the room. What a bunch of entities, childish bitches. Really. Sonja chastises Tinsley for giving the room to Bethenny-there’s more room talk, Sonja and Ramona are stupid. I can’t. All of the rooms are gorgeous! Give them bunk beds. Jerks.

Ramona is still pissy. Sonja wants to take a room in the first floor because stairs aren’t good, her mom fell on some once. Is she for real? How does someone this stupid function? Ramona is on the attack-she’s trying to convince Dorinda to let her stay in the room with her since Dorinda has 2 beds. Nope. She turns on Tinsley yelling because Tinsley’s stayed at Sonja’s for free so shouldn’t have given that room to Bethenny. Dorinda asks Bethenny to come mediate-Bethenny comes in and goes IN on Ramona. I’d literally kick those 2 bitches out.

Ramona and Sonja finally settle into their room (which is beautiful) and Ramona is complaining already-no surprise. She’s bossing the staff around and treating them like servants. She’s disgusting.

Bethenny is laying in her bed and really looks like crap-sorry Bethenny. Carole is hanging out with her and decides to change into her bathing suit.

Carole and Dorinda are unpacking, Dorinda suggests the balloon game for later, Carole is like wtf-so Dorinda demonstrates.

Everyone meets out by the pool, dinner is in a half hour and Dorinda is drunk and tired. Tinsley is soooooo worried that Sonja is mad at her. Ramona is making a dumb friendship speech to Sonja.

Bethenny roots for Sonja but thinks Ramona brings out the worst in her. Tinsley spots hand holding with Ramona and Sonja-Ramona is being mushy and lame but all Sonja sees is her glowing, red, post-peel gone wrong face.

Dinner is served-Bethenny is the first one there and is 90 minutes late. Tinsley goes to Carole because she received an email that Page Six is running a story about her lack of gratitude to Sonja. I wonder who planted that story? Tinsley is enraged-she’s blaming Ramona, she doesn’t think Sonja would do that to her but giiiirrrrl….think again. Sonja and Ramona are shit talking Tinsley saying how she’s intimidated by Bethenney but also is all over her-just assholes.

Bethenny goes looking for people to join her at dinner and comes upon Carole and Tinsley, Carole tells her about the Page Six story-Bethenny wants to talk about it at dinner. Tinsley blames Ramona, Bethenny says, he’ll no, it’s Sonja. Lu joins the table, and she’s buzzed. Dorinda is passed out. Sonja and Ramona are later than late because they’re doing their makeup, and everyone agrees that mayyybe Ramona should leave that raw hamburger meat face alone.

Carole tells Luann about the Page Six article, Luann is horrified. In walk the 2 village idiots. Luann tries to toast Bethenny and thank her for planning the trip, and Ramona busts out with “its s group trip, why are we thanking her” and that sets Bethenny OFF. She asks Ramona why she’s an asshole, and Ramona says that they all planned the trip (um, no? You were barely invited, dummy) and Bethenny tells her that she just cannot stand the fact that someone was thanking her for something. All true. Luann tries to make peace-Bethenny is over this bitch. Ramona’s talking head says she just says what everyone else is thinking-wrong.

Tinsley picks this moment to bring up the Page Six item. Sonja denies it, so Tinsley points at Ramona, who says (I think) “I avoid the press like a leak”. What? Tinsley reads aloud what the article says. Carole points out that it’s exactly what Ramona had said-Ramona half ass denies it. Sonja tells Tinsley she’s in the press because of her Palm Beach situation-that’s old news though? Tinsley should have left that hellhole a looking time ago. Sonja is known for planting stories in Page Six so it’s a toss up as to who planted the story-I think Ramona did it with Sonja’s blessing.

A drunken Luann tells Tinsley that Sonja doesn’t have her back, and tells Ramona to shut the fuck up. Sonja lectures Tinsley on being considerate, Tinsley snaps. She’s screeching and kinda jumping up and down. Yikes. “I’m not considerate!!!” (Forgot the in). Bethenny believes Sonja planted it. Yeah, I can see that-she repeated what Ramona said and went ahead. She’s got a direct line to Page Six for crying out loud.

Luann has had it, she’s off to bed. Tinsley comes back and is hysterical, crying. Bethenny tells Sonja that Ramona brings out the worst in her, and Sonja doesn’t disagree. Bethenny basically tells her she’s an ingrate and her room grabbing and behavior is disgusting. She’s right.

Ramona and Luann are sitting outside talking, Ramona doesn’t believe Sonja planted the story. Please. Luann is SMASHED. Ramona claims to be naive. Luann takes a drunken digger into the bushes. Oh wow. People come to rescue her-she’s like reallllly in those bushes.

Luann can barely stand up-oh wow, fell again. Go to bed, Lu.

Bethenny is trying to get thru to Sonja but it’s not working. Carole walks by Tinsley and ruffles her hair-if looks could kill Carole would be a goner. She tells Tinsley and Sonja to kiss and make up but no.

Next week: surfing, shopping, and tequila tasting. Tinsley and Sonja go at it again. Ramona and Bethenny again. Is Sonja giving Luann a hickey?

RHOC Post Mortem: Its Either My Way or the Feng Shui

Well-THAT’S a long title.

Shannon is getting ready to Feng Shui the place-my dog is going apeshit barking at Archie. He thinks that dogs on TV can hear him and are afeared. Not. Elaine, the Feng Shui expert, tells Shannon she needs all new things. Shannon says that things with David are stressed. There’s a toilet in her “relationship corner” and that’s gotta be fixed.

Vicki is talking about packing the office to move to a new space, her assistant tells her to calm down but that’s not in Vicki’s DNA. She makes a federal case over everything. Meeting with the interior designer is a treat-Vicki says Shannon’s Feng Shui is a crock.

I’m beginning to agree when Feng Shui lady starts saying the sink is female, the stove is male-come on. This is too much.

Aspen is fussy-Jim tries to intervene. Aspen has the farts. They’re packing to go home. The dog, named Girly Girl, has clearly been demoted to licking spit up off the floor and being threatened by Jim to be tied to the bumper by her leash. Babies. Hmph. Meghan feels like she’s in the middle of 2 warring factions between friends but Jim is more concerned with what’s for dinner.

Lydia and her husband are on location for a photo shoot. Hubs says if he met Lydia he’d approach her with a lump of sugar in his palm, fingers out of the way. Ouch. But pretty funny. They have a new magazine called Nobleman. Yawn. I don’t think Doug is wearing socks again. So an Oreo colored Rolls pulls up, I think this is when we meet Peggy. She’s with her husband Diko. Peggy just had some kind of surgery so Doug warns Lydia not to hug. Diko and Peggy are the subjects of the article and shoot. Peggy has sort of teased hair a la Melania Trump. Apparently Peggy just had a double mastectomy for preventative reasons.

Tamra is with Ryan, Sarah (they’re still together?) and Ava at a ranch in the rain. It’s Ava’s birthday so I predict some sort of pony rides. Oh wait-it’s just party planning for her birthday. It’s only the kids 2nd birthday and they’re having a tiger, zebras, and other exotic animals that should be frolicking in Africa or wherever, not gawked at by overindulged toddlers. I digress. Sarah and Ryan are irritated with each other and Sarah wants beer. Tamra and Sarah discuss the guest list for Ava’s party, and much to Tamra’s dismay, Briana is invited. Tamra says she’s cut ties with Briana as well. (It’s a kids party-Briana has kids, big deal!). Tamra is afraid it’ll be awkward. She unfriended Briana on social media without an explanation which she admits was immature.

Ugh, here comes Dodd. She’s going to work out with Michael. She says things are better with them. While driving Michael almost gets into an accident. They make it to the gym alive and get to working out with their personal trainer. She says she can relate to Shannon as far as working on her marriage.

Shannon is baking cookies and Sophie is getting her makeup done. I wonder how long before we see the Beador girls “modeling”? Sophie and her friend are getting ready for winter formal. Shannon reminds Sophie to cross her legs when sitting, because “that is a flippin’ short dress”. David hasn’t seen it yet. Shannon is crying thinking where has the time gone, her babies are all grown up…she burned the bread/cookies or whatever. Sophie makes her entrance and she looks pretty. David, as expected thinks the dress is too short. It’s actually tasteful, I think. Other parents and kids arrive for pics. Shannon is embarrassing shrieking at the kids to mingle. The limo takes off for formal. I’m sure the kids are relieved.

We get a mini tour of Peggy’s house. It’s big, the typical southern CA Mediterranean looking big house. Peggy is Armenian, born in Kuwait, and lived in SoCal for 10 years. She’s been married for 21 years and has 3 kids. Her husband has a luxury car empire. Peggy is having a luncheon for the family, she has had some health issues-she had breast cancer and instead of messing around just had the double mastectomy since her mother died from breast cancer. At the luncheon, her husband gives her an 85k diamond necklace and a 70k diamond bracelet. Niiiice. She totally looks like Melania Trump to me.

Vicki is at Briana’s visiting, and Briana breaks the news to Vicki that they’re going to Ava’s birthday party. Vicki looks not happy. Briana doesn’t want to hear any anti-Vicki sentiments, she hasn’t seen Tamra in a year. Vicki tells her to just leave if she’s uncomfortable.

The party for Ava is underway-its a little girls dream party with unicorns and cakes and cookies everywhere. Lydia is there with her mother, then Briana arrives. Sarah and Eddie greet her warmly-where’s Tamra? I guess they’re just going to avoid each other. Lydia’s mother is still fairy dusting people-good thing Ryan is still in OK. Briana leaves because it’s just too weird. Come on, Tamra. That was classless.

Shannon and crew arrive, Shannon and Lydia meet. Lydia is fake AF to me, she starts bringing up Vicki right away. Lydia introduces Shannon to Judy-Shannon isn’t about having fairy dust or confetti or anything thrown on her. Judy loves Shannons energy and throws confetti at her.

Everyone sings Happy Bday to Ava, who could not care about this huge party, give her some cake and a bib, and it’s probably all the same to her. She’s 2. Lydia brings Vicki up to Shannon and Tamra again, Shannon tries to warn Lydia about the allegations that Vicki made. Lydia tells them they’re behaving just like Vicki. Shannon stomps the brakes on that. Lydia needs to mind her own business, really.

Lydia wasn’t involved, she doesn’t know what happened, she needs to shut her mouth. Shannon is not feeling Lydia. She’s yelling at you, Lydia, because you’re so out of line. Doug shoes up and Lydia is relieved. Shannon calls David over to meet Lydia and Doug. Tamra realizes it isn’t going well. Lydia tells her mother that Shannon “screamed” at her for no reason-exaggerate much? Just decides Shannon is a lost soul. Shannon apologizes to Tamra for possibly offending Lydia, and Lydia rounds up her crew to leave. As she’s saying goodbye, Tamra tells Lydia why Shannon got upset, as Shannon eats. Lydia wants to talk to Shannon, and she exaggerates again about screaming and yelling. Tamra tries to intervene but Lydia is being an asshole. Lydia just gets more rude, and decides they aren’t going to get along or go to dinner or anything. Tamra tries to intervene again, but it’s hopeless as Shannon storms off saying “I’m done”. Well.

Next week: Peggy speeds, Shannon hits the gym, Shannon V Lydia V Dodd, Dodd is up to her rude self, Shannon loses it.

Shahs of Sunset Post Mortem

They’re baaaaack-

Oooo MJs new condo. Doesn’t she live next door to her mom or something? Sounds like Tommy still isn’t a fan of Vida. MJ says she needs to remodel. Oh wow-Vida does live there.

Now we are at Mike’s new bachelor pad. Since he’s a bachelor. Again. Love the spiral staircase, I’m such a sucker for a spiral staircase. His bedroom is meh. Plain and weird. But Mike is weird, so. His dogs are penned up on an upstairs patio. I don’t love that, but hey, who knows. We have to reminisce about Jessica-yawn. Reza helped Mike decorate his house. I figured it wasn’t all Mike. He talks to his mom several times a day-no thanks.

Reza! He’s meeting Asa. She’s about to drop the bomb on him-the pregnancy bomb. I’m so happy for her. She’s 21 weeks and kept it secret all this time. Everyone is thrilled. Reza had no idea. They’re pigging out on 2 of everything from the happy hour menu. Asa and MJ have not made amends, and Asa is uninterested in having negativity around her right now.

Vida is at MJ and Tommy’s. This won’t end well, I predict. Vida doesn’t like the boxes from unpacking and lack of coffee table. She’s been there 3.6 seconds and already going in. Tommy SNAPS on Vida-apparently MJ’s father had a stroke and is in hospital-Tommy feels like with all that going on, Vida cares about boxes?!? Vida isn’t happy. She starts yelling, Tommy starts yelling-good lord. Vida leaves. MJ wants a baby in all of this.

GG and her friend are taking a meditation class. GG has taken the last 6 months to herself. She recognizes her temper and after she assaulted Adam she checked into rehab. Does she not drink? That would be realllly good. Oh wait-she does drink. Just not as much. Oh well, I guess that’s better than where she was. Oh my lawd-they’re all screaming-what in the what? No. Now they’re writing down ppl thecwant to forgive, GG writes herself, then they burn it.

Asa is going for an ultrasound with her mom-Asa needs a bunch of vaccines but she’s not feeling that. She refuses the flu shot because she doesn’t want “poisons”. It’s actually called “antibodies” but ok. Jermaine is vegan, so the baby probably will be because gorillas and elephants are vegetarians and they’re strong, so there.

Reza and Adam are going to get tennis lessons. Reza is being a good husband because he’s not all that crazy about tennis. Adam twists his ankle, game over for him. Adam wants a baby now. They keep calling each other “honey” and it sounds forced. Reza wants to wait on the whole baby thing.

Shervin! Shervin and his cousin are having a “bro-b-q”. Enter Mike. Shervin has. Girlfriend named Annalise. She’s blond and tiny. Reza arrives! Mike wants to have his housewarming party this week and is planning it alone but Reza is horrified that Mike doesn’t have a planner. He calls it “ghetto-Mike-style”. Mike agrees to get a planner. Reza asks who’s invited, Mike says GG and Reza can’t. He thinks she’s dangerous, doesn’t want to be in the same room as her, and hasn’t forgiven her for starting the sex tape rumor about him. I can’t say I blame him-she was pretty treacherous. Mike decides not to invite her just to avoid the drama.

MJ is picking up Reza and his ” to-go libation”. She won’t tell him where they’re going-it’s a surprise. Oh it’s a spa! Aaaand they’re having anal bleaching done. Really? First-I pity the fool who does THAT for a living. Second-why? MJ and Reza are talking GG, MJ isn’t in a forgiving place towards her either. Their whole anal bleaching process is way TMI, way too much, and oh my lawd. The waxing lady is funny though. Oh wow. Now MJ’s turn. I can’t. Never ever would I 1) have my asshole bleached 2) have my friend/husband/anyone peering at it while being done. That would happen on the planet of Nope.

Mike is vacuuming and prepping for his party. He wants everyone to see that he’s really moved on. Really. The party planner, Destiney shows up-I’ve seen her before. She’s definitely been on another show-i can almost remember but not really-it’s on the tip of my brain. Dammit-what has she been on? Driving me nuts. I KNOW!!!! People’s Couch!!!! She was on People’s Couch. Phew. That was making me nuts.

Adam and Reza are getting ready for Mikes party-Adam predicts that when MJ finds out Asa is pregnant she will be “very hateful and resentful”. Bingo. Reza disagrees-but we’ll see. I can’t wait to see MJs face. But MJ IS dressed like a stuffed sausage. I’ll give her that.

Mike has scantily clad women wearing lampshades on their head standing around. This is super dumb. No, Destiney. Guests are arriving-MJ humps the couch. Reza approves of the house. Now Shervy-Sherv and Annalise arrive, followed by Asa with food. MJ is rude, and doesn’t want to be friends with Asa. MJ resents Asa for keeping her relationship private. Let’s see whos relationship lasts longer, MJ. Asa is smart. MJs outfit is horrible. It’s way too small. Mike says GG is looking better and healthier. Asa changes the subject by showing off her new pregnant belly, everyone is surprised and happy for her. Maybe not MJ. Adam pushes MJ for a hug and it’s so awkward.
Asa faces the inquisition from MJ about religion, marriage, living arrangements….

MJ runs off to cry. And drink heavily. Mike is trying to comfort MJ, and the conversation is weird and stupid. I think MJ is pretty drunk already.

MJ is overhearing Asa talk about her pregnancy etc and decides shots are in order. Several. Time to take MJ home.

MJ wants a baby too, she cries to Reza. Mike toasts Destiney for the party and Asa for the baby. MJ wants Reza to share in her baby lust, then she leaves. Reza has some words of wisdom.

Next week: Tortoise sex. Another party with scantily clad women. MJ drinks. The return of GG. Asa faces nosy questions.

RHOC Post Mortem: The Great Divide

I think what I’m going to do from now on is a “Post Mortem” discussion type recap for the housewives shows? Let me know what you think.

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Shannon is discussing her weight gain and the struggles that come with it. I give her credit-she must be self conscious but addressing it is the best way to go. She’s blaming Vicki and stress. Vicki? No. Anyway you should never give someone that kind of power to affect your life.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - Season 12
She still looks fabulous. Anyhoo-

Dodd and Vicki are still the delusional, mean girl, petty, jealous assholes they were last season. They’re making fun of Tamra and her fitness competition-Vicki says “get a job” (that’s her go-to). Tamra literally worked her ass off for that competition-the only workout Dodd gets is her arm bringing vodka to her mouth, and Vicki’s jaw blabbing what a lying con she isn’t and gossiping. Girls bye.

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Tamra is off to bible study which is a segue to reintroduce Lydia and her teef. Yawn. She was just…boring. Let’s see how she does. I wonder if she and Dodd will get along. Lydia and her teef wanna take everyone to lunch. Ha. Ha.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - Season 12

Meghan looks great and OMG that baby is ADORABLE. Meghan rehashes the journey she took to get pregnant, but how worth it. Aspen is delicious. It looks like Jim is a little more plugged in than he was. Good.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - Season 12
Tamra is at bible study at Lydia’s with a whole bunch of women. I would honestly rather watch grass grow. No offense to Jesus or God. Tamra is talking about her daughter again and mayyyybe shouldn’t-they’re on good terms now. And I’m so happy for both of them. No mother should go through that, or child. Just sad.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - Season 12

Vicki has a new boyfriend. Yawn. She calls Brooks a “bad boy”. 😂😂😂😂 riggghhht. This new one is Steve who she claims to have known for a year. Is this the cop? Ah ha-yes. Retired. I wonder if her kids like him? She’s bringing up marriage.

Dodd is screaming for her mother, apparently needs advice on what to wear and ask her mom if she should get vaginal rejuvenation. And offering her mom the surgery. She calls her mom “frail” but she looks pretty hale to me. She says she and Michael are still trying to work on their marriage. Who cares.

Vicki goes to Briana’s house-the kids are getting so big. Ryan is STILL in OK. The kids beat the crap out of each other. That’s just boys though. Vicki says she’s Briana’s OC husband. Puke. She likes Vicki’s new man and is pushing marriage.

Tamra still works out like a maniac-she and Eddie have been together 7 years. Damn, already? She hates the 3k mural in the gym and wants to paint it over. Tamra tells Eddie that Lydia wants to do a lunch w Vicki and company-Eddie isn’t down with that. I don’t blame him. Vicki is poison.

Lydia is teaching her 5 year old to ride a bike. Her boys have gotten so big as well-the baby is 2 already. Her husband is wearing a weird Naugahyde looking jacket. And no socks. And highwaters. They moved to Newport Beach and don’t live across the street from her weed smoking, fairy glitter tossing hippie mom. Off to the park in a golf cart to bike ride. The kid takes a digger off his bike and cries but Lydia says “he’s a McLaughlin, we don’t give up” so he’s back on the bike. Way too deep for a two wheeler lesson.

Shannon takes Sophie shopping for a dress for formal, meets up with Tamra and Kasey, Tamra’s niece. Sophie is SO TALL and grown up. Every dress they pull out is “cute”. Except Sophie’s t shirt dress which is a no. Shannon won’t buy clothes in her size, she feels like if she does, she’s accepted it and has given up. I get it. Tamra doesn’t think the weight gain is Vicki, she thinks affair. Tamra doesn’t see motivation. I love that Shannon is picky about what Sophie picks out. Too many young girls dress WAY too grown.

Lydia meets Vicki for lunch and does that weird little dance she does. Flashback to Vicki comparing herself to Jesus Christ. Lydia thinks she can mend the friendship between Vicki and Tamra. Haha. So weird-they had to tell each other they follow each other on social media, clearly they don’t talk.

Lydia dives right in asking Vicki about the Gay Eddie comment which she denies because that’s what Vicki does. She plays the victim-she’s never conned anyone. Mhhmmm. Lydia lives in Rainbow and unicorn land-she tells Vicki that the reason she and Tamra hurt each other is that they love each other so much. Oh, Lydia. No, honey. She’s buying Vicki’s BS. Lydia is out of her mind.

Next week: Dodd has a close call, we meet new HW Peggy, Shannon has a toilet in the relationship area, Lydia doesn’t like Shannon. Shannon is DONE.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - Season 12

RHONY Recap: Regency Reunion

Tinsley is waiting for Carole at a little restaurant-Carole is really liking Tinsley so far. Tinsley reports that her mom and friend are coming to help her apartment hunt. Carole and Tinsley both attended the Winter Wonderland Ball at the NY Botanical Gardens (Carole slayed) a few weeks ago and Carole reads Tinsley a gossip blurb about her, that also mentioned Carole, from the NY Post. Tinsley is overwhelmed being back in NYC because of her past. Carole suggests reinvention, like cutting or coloring her hair but Tinsley gets panic stricken at the mere thought of not being blond, or not having her curls. Girl. Carole does have a point but Tinsley is not having it.

Sonja is having lunch served by Frenchy. He’s moved in and is extra. Frenchy predicts that they’ll be very happy and thinks Sonja should shut the door when she’s pooping. Sonja thinks he shouldn’t even be on the same floor if she’s going and should ask permission before climbing the stairs. She is cray. Sonja doesn’t think Tinsley should be in such a rush to leave. Now Sonja and Frenchy are chatting in bed about those “beechez” and how their relationship is no ones business. He mentions a text he got from a friend about Sonja and Rocco. Sonja lies.

Ramona Facetimes Avery to tell her the kitchen is finished. She wants to have a cocktail party to celebrate the completion of her renovations and is inviting Bethenny. She feels bad, wants to make amends and really has no idea how things got this far. Really?

Tinsley and her mother Dale are meeting with Chris, the friend/realtor to apt hunt. He tells her they’re in the “primest” neighborhood in the West Village. They look at a 4 bedroom ridiculously priced apartment with a tee-tiny master bedroom. It’s pretty, but for almost 9k a month? Tinsley says she can afford it but wants to keep looking.

Carole is having her interior designer over to finally refurbish the couch she inherited from her mother in law. It’s old, classic, has a lot of history but is beat to hell. She’s been collecting fabric swatches and the designer is like whoa. There’s a lot. There’s also a cat hanging from the curtains. Adam shows up bearing flowers and is picking up the last of his things. Carole is relieved for the space and knows their relationship will get much better. She wants his Buddha head though, and is willing to trade him-he wants her lamps. The designer says no way-Carole says they’ll talk later.

Back to the apt hunt with Tinsley and co-they look at another 9k apt but this one is WAY nicer and she’s dumb if she doesn’t take it. Tinsley hems and haws, she’s not sure if she’s “mature” enough for an apt and the responsibilities (wait what?) and starts to go in panic mode about renting. She’s kind of overthinking this and being a baby. Shit happens-she’s 39 or so? I kind of get it but come ON.

Bethenny has Fredrick over to declutter and simplify her apt for sale. He wants the bar out-she doesn’t think it can be moved. She did some furniture moving and Fredrick is happy with everything but the bar. Bethenny makes a call and finds out it’ll probably break if they try and move it, which Fredrick is fine with. Bethenny is not. She spent 40k in it (for WHAT?) and doesn’t want to break it.

Carole is packing for the D.C. women’s march. She and Dorinda are going together.

Sonja is in Hoboken NJ to meet Rocco for dinner-sort of out of the way, no? They’re so happy to see each other. Does he own this place? The restaurant is shut down just for them. She’s got to tell Rocco about Frenchy. She starts off telling him the Tom saga, and Rocco says some guys think the way Tom behaved is normal. Sonja says she doesn’t like it, she wants “normalty”. Now she’s got to explain Frenchy and is stumbling over her words, doing it very poorly. Said he’s a complete stranger she slept with and now he’s moved in and she doesn’t know how it happened (basically, that’s what I got anyway). What a liarface. She tells Rocco that there’s no other guy like him though. Lies. Rocco wants to know the status of their relationship.

In DC, Carole, Dorinda and Hannah are marching. Some of the chants are funny. There are so many people, they have an amazing day.

Ramona is prepping for her cocktail party to show off her apartment. Her hair looks awful and weird, in a tight high ponytail but it’s too severe and her ponytail hair is fried. Carole is the first to arrive and noticed Ramona’s weird hair. Tinsley and her mom arrive, she introduces Ramona to her mom-you can definitely see the 2 eyeing and sizing up each other. Dale comments in Ramona’s pony. Ramona thinks her pony is edgy. It’s not.

Tinsley is rehashing her apartment hunting drama to Carole and complaining about how overwhelming it is. Waaah. Dorinda walks in-I think she should trash a room. She’s too classy for that. I’m not. Oh look-Harry Dubin. I feel like when he’s on the show he tries extra hard to be schmexy and he just comes off as smarmy and gross. He says hello to Tinsley, she introduces him to her mom. Harry is openly staring at Tinsley’s chest, compliments her cross necklace then comments on her chest. Tinsley is grossed out. She drags her mom away, calling Harry an asshole, but he follows them because he’s gross and persistent.

Sonja’s here! Ramona calls her Sony. Sonja turns the corner and hears “hello, Sonja” in a Hannibal Lector-y voice but it’s Harry. Of course. She’s like really? Harry?

Harry like Sonja’s red lipstick. She tells him she’s turned over a new leaf, and he wants to see it. Ugh. Tom and Luann stroll in. Luann actually tears herself away from Tom’s side long enough to sit with Dorinda and Carole. She asks if Bethenny is coming-no way. She was invited but declined. Ramona and Bethenny still are not speaking.

Now Ramona has joined them and Dorinda asks what they have to do to get Bethenny and Ramona back together-Carole recommends a text and meeting in private. Ramona gets defensive and says that it wasn’t all her, why is she getting all the blame? Carole explains that Ramona went to unnecessary lengths to insult Bethenny, but Ramona says “hey, I was attacked!”. That didn’t happen but ok. Ramona says she doesn’t even remember what she said and blames the fact she was drinking on Bethenny-Ramona was “nervous”. Ramona says she really loves Bethenny and wants to reach out and make amends.

More Harry, yuck. A woman named Missy walks in, she used to date Tom. Harry orders her to “come here!”, she scoots away. Missy gets introduced to Luann, Tom is a bit red in the face-and he reminds the ladies they met once before at the Regency.

Tom and Missy awkwardly conversate-like, they’re talking without trying to look like they’re talking-she comments on his wedding ring and Tom compares it to being a dog with a collar. Excellent. Great pick, Luann. Lu whispers to Tom asking if that’s the woman from the Regency, she’s got that fake nervous smile plastered on her face-he says “it’s Missy”. Lu prods a bit more and he admits they dated. She’s still wearing the fake, forced, nervous smile and is totally crowding him. I’m waiting for her to lift her leg and mark her territory. I don’t buy for one SECOND that she’s secure in all this.

Harry is now honing in on Missy. He’s trying to get the details of the Regency hookup with Tim in the bathroom (that place needs a serious bleaching) but she’s not going there. Lu and her freaky forced smile scare her, and she doesn’t need that mess coming for her. Harry tells her that she’s the full package, and she says “you snooze, you lose”. I think Lu did her a favor. If I owned or managed the Regency I’d be pissed-the image Tom gives it isn’t a good one-a sleazy, skeezy pick up/cheating bar where middle aged bald men bang chicks in the bathroom. Not a good look. For either. It’s Toms personal bachelor pad. He’s gross too. Anyway-

Dorinda is doing the robot dance in the corner. Sonja thinks that Ramona invited Missy on purpose, starting drama.

Next week: Bethenny plans a Vermont trip. Tinsley can’t sleep. Sonja offends Luann. Tinsley melts down.

Talk soon Lovelies

-Allie

RHONY Recap: A Countess No More

Yes, guys, I’m back on my game. Sorry about that last 2 weeks! Anyway-on with the show.

At Sonja’s townhouse we see Frenchy making some coffee. He’s YOUNG. Sonja comes downstairs, bedhead and all, to see he’s brought her a poinsettia and is making her eggs. He asks if Tinsley will want to eat, Sonja doesn’t seem thrilled with that so sort of blows it off. She thinks that Frenchy is taking the relationship too seriously. Tinsley comes in to join them for breakfast anyway. Tinsley lets us know that originally she was supposed to date Frenchy but Sonja kept him for herself. Sonja offers up a threesome, to which Tinsley declines. So weird. Tinsley asks the status of their relationship and Frenchy says it’s serious, they explain the weird rules they have. Tinsley asks about Rocco-who Frenchy apparently knows about-and the ladies shriek. Subject changed to eggs.

Bethenny is setting up for her holiday party (a white tree??? NOOO!!) and is setting up an alcohol luge which is pretty cool and will probably be very popular.

Dorinda is stuck in traffic and wrapping Bethenny’s gift.

Ramona is putting on makeup because she’s going out with Avery and her friends, since she’s not invited to Bethenny’s party. She’s only slightly upset about it.

Sonja’s packing, and she and Tinsley are deciding what to wear to Bethenny’s party. Conner and Tinsley made plans to hang out while Sonja is in Phuket, and Sonja doesn’t like that at all.

Back to Bethenny’s party-prep and guests are in full swing as Dorinda arrives. There’s little lobster rolls and caviar. Dorinda asks the chef to teach her how to open an oyster, which brings tons of innuendo from this hyper sexual bunch.

Ramona is going out drinking with her daughter and her daughter’s friends. Tackyyyy. Know your place, crazy eyes. Ramona is beyond thrilled that the girls are all into wine.

Carole and Tinsley arrive to Bethenny’s party-Carole looks amazing and takes a luge shot. Tinsley does as well, but not as gracefully.

Avery reveals that Pellegrino is “her water”, and that growing up that’s what she called it. The girls are all reminiscing about growing up hanging at Avery’s house, and Ramona tells them to come “hang” now-they can bring some of their friends, she’ll bring some of her friends-it wouldn’t be awkward at all. One of Avery’s friends piped up “maybe your friends have sons they could bring” which momentarily brought Ramona back to earth.

Carole is luging it up! Bethenny and Tinsley are chatting about Ramona’s charity party the night before (Bethenny was invited but didn’t go, obvie). Showing scenes from the night before we catch a quick glimpse of a walking corpse-like vampire dude saying hello to Tinsley and Ramona. Whoa. Cue Ramona talking about Bethenny AGAIN. Tinsley asks Ramona if she’s coming “tomorrow night” (meaning Bethenny’s party). Oops. Ramona realizes she’s not invited.
Dorinda is still pretty upset at Ramona for trashing her house. Ramona remains unapologetic, as she often does. Tinsley tells Bethenny that Ramona says she regrets coming at Bethenny so hard.

Back to Ramona not acting her age-she starts telling Avery and her friends about her fight with Bethenny and says she lashed out, blacked out, and went on a rampage. One if the friends says “You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with a friend.” Ramona acts like that was the deepest philosophical awakening she’s ever heard, dramatically throws her body back against the booth and flings her napkin behind her (for someone else to pick up). She sings the praises of the super wicked wise 21 year old. The girl keeps going, seemingly on a roll, and Ramona is eye poppin’ shocked at her brilliance.She feels a “bond and synergy” with these kids, all the while flipping her hair like crazy.

Bethenny asks Dorinda if she went to Ramona’s party-Forinda says she did and said what she wanted to Ramona about the destruction of the room. Rewind to the night before, we see Dorinda confronting Ramona, who stands there smirking, and Sonja mocks Dorinda-those 2are the biggest assholes. Back to Bethenny’s, Sonja walks in as Dorinda is telling her story of Ramona’s history of disrespecting her home. Sonja’s talking head is complaining that Dorinda isn’t over it.

Dorinda tells the ladies that Ramona was minimizing her actions and just didn’t care-Sonja is rolling her eyes.

Ramona tells Avery and co how she destroyed Dorinda’s home, and thinks it’s super cute-she says “Dorinda is SO mad at me”. I’ve got a feeling that those kids know better than to do what Ramona did and think she’s an asshole.

Dorinda says Ramona just wants to ignore it-Carole thinks Ramona has been more aggressive. Dorinda doesn’t want this to be a Ramona bashing session. Sonja pipes in with saying how Ramona does that sort of thing all the time, that Ramona has trashed every single hotel bathroom she’s ever stayed in. So Ramona is a disrespectful pig. Got it.

Ramona is now making a drunken I love you toast to Avery and her friends-they’re ALL her daughters!

Back to Bethenny’s they’re drinking out of chocolate chip cookie cups, which is so cool.

Now we’re in Florida for Luann’s wedding. We see personal footage of her getting ready, her dress arriving-they show the actual wedding spot, which is quite beautiful.

Dorinda arrives for her wedding hair and makeup late-Luann thinks she was at the beach.Ky says she’s a hopeless romantic and she knew the first week she was with Tom she would marry him. Not sure HE knew that. We see Tom in his tux looking a little nervous. Lu’s talking head is gushing about her relationship with Tom-we see her in her dress and veil getting her makeup touched up.

Jill Zarin gets her 2 seconds of attention to wish the couple good luck. Tim is escorting his mom down the aisle, then Dorinda walks, looking beautiful.

***SIDE NOTE****
Wasn’t there some kind of stink where Luann refused to allow Bravo cameras in? Like at first she said yes, but right before she changed her mind? I thought I heard something about that. Which is pretty ungrateful since without Bravo no one would notice or care that she was getting married. Anyway…
****

Luann’s kids are walking, then Luann with her brother, Michael giving her away. The priest says a few words, then some sort of vows, then they’re married. They kiss, and she almost knocks him over. The kiss looks awkward to me. Her talking head then flashes her wedding rings “HA HA!!” Yes, Luann, you got the prize.

Tom and Luann exit a doorway into the reception with a really bad voiceover announcing them. We only see snippets of the reception, every guest’s face is blurred, and we see a Marilyn Monroe impersonator jump out of a fake cake. Lu is dancing with Tom and towering over him. The end.

2 weeks later in NYC Carole and Bethenny are in Chinatown for lunch. Bethenny is incredulous that Carole hasn’t been to a place like they’re at, and Carole just tells Bethenny to order for her. Tom and Luann are having a post wedding party for all of the uninvited, so there’s that, and Adam finally found an apartment, Carole is glad.

Dorinda and Ramona are having lunch at Dorinda’s. Ramona is getting all of the wedding details and actually being gracious. Dorinda is all set with Tom and Luann wedding parties-enough.

Bethenny and Carole are amazed at all of the different foods in ChinaTown. They go for ice cream, and despite all of the crazy flavors, Carole gets boring chocolate. Bethenny is unimpressed.

Sonja is ordering Conner to redecorate her bedroom to make room for Frenchy’s things since he’s sort of moved in. Tinsley discovers that tidbit and is pretty surprised. Sonja likes him but he wants to adopt kids.

Tom and Luann’s post wedding party for the uninvited (aka get more presents) is starting-Bethenny gets there 15 minutes late but is still the first one there. Since she’s the only one there she makes a crack that it’s a party for the only people that haven’t slept with Tom. Ha. Dorinda arrives, she and Bethenny agree that it’s enough with the Tom and Luann wedding parties. The bride and groom arrive, Carole does too shortly after. Ramona gets there with Avery, and complains about the venue.

Bethenny and Avery exchange pleasantries but Ramona and Bethenny ignore each other. Tinsley is there-with a date!! It’s 23 year old Chad! Ramona complains about his age. Avery is a very poised, gracious and lovely young lady. Is that despite Ramona?

I find it really strange how Lu hovers over Tom during group conversations. It’s needy, clingy, and weird. Tom is showing off his wedding ring and making jokes about it. He says he didn’t want to wear one, but Luann insisted. I bet. Sonja and Frenchy arrive, Ramona shrieks at their arrival, and Sonja introduces him to all of the ladies. Has anyone noticed the strange high pitched giggle/cackle that Ramona develops around testosterone? Watch-you’ll notice it. Tinsley tells Bethenny that Frenchy moved in. Sonja actually looks really happy. Ramona is cackling.

Dorinda and Bethenny are chatting and ignoring John, who I didn’t see either until Carole says hello to him. Tinsley comes over to talk to Carole and can’t wait to tell her she’s got a 23 year old with her. Carole is all like, well, that’s cool and all-but if you’re looking for a husband and children….

Ramona calls her “friend” Jim over and introduces him to Sonja. I think she just didn’t want to look man-less especially since Tinsley and Sonja both have dates.

Frenchy is entertaining Sonja and Ramona (cackle cackle)-she’s awkwardly acknowledging Jim-they’re dating but that’s all she’s saying. Sonja and Ramona mock Tinsley’s date saying he looks 12, which is ironic coming from Sonja.

Sonja introduces Frenchy to Tom and Luann, they talk wedding, and are all very pleasant. Tom then aggressively grabs Luann by the thrust sort of in a chokehold and kisses her. SO. WEIRD. There’s been a lot of weird this episode.

Dorinda makes a speech to make up for her first one in the boat where she drunkenly slurred her way through. Lu is hovering. Tom takes over the toast and talks about the wedding, making a jab about “true friends and family” being there. The comment does not get past Bethenny and Tinsley, who laugh it off.

Next week: Frenchy and Sonja talk their relationship and “those beeshes”, Sonja isn’t very honest with Rocco, Tinsley gets advice from Carole, Bethenny renovates to sell, Ramona defends her behavior.

Yay! I did it!

Talk soon Lovelies
-Allie

RHONY

Guys-I’m not going to be able to recap this episode because I’m a nerd and going to be watching Comey testify. But we can use this as a discussion thread-because I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say about the episode once I do watch it.

Y’all like the new blog name? 😁

So feel free to discuss-

Talk soon Lovelies
-Allie