RHONY Recap: A Countess No More

Yes, guys, I’m back on my game. Sorry about that last 2 weeks! Anyway-on with the show.

At Sonja’s townhouse we see Frenchy making some coffee. He’s YOUNG. Sonja comes downstairs, bedhead and all, to see he’s brought her a poinsettia and is making her eggs. He asks if Tinsley will want to eat, Sonja doesn’t seem thrilled with that so sort of blows it off. She thinks that Frenchy is taking the relationship too seriously. Tinsley comes in to join them for breakfast anyway. Tinsley lets us know that originally she was supposed to date Frenchy but Sonja kept him for herself. Sonja offers up a threesome, to which Tinsley declines. So weird. Tinsley asks the status of their relationship and Frenchy says it’s serious, they explain the weird rules they have. Tinsley asks about Rocco-who Frenchy apparently knows about-and the ladies shriek. Subject changed to eggs.

Bethenny is setting up for her holiday party (a white tree??? NOOO!!) and is setting up an alcohol luge which is pretty cool and will probably be very popular.

Dorinda is stuck in traffic and wrapping Bethenny’s gift.

Ramona is putting on makeup because she’s going out with Avery and her friends, since she’s not invited to Bethenny’s party. She’s only slightly upset about it.

Sonja’s packing, and she and Tinsley are deciding what to wear to Bethenny’s party. Conner and Tinsley made plans to hang out while Sonja is in Phuket, and Sonja doesn’t like that at all.

Back to Bethenny’s party-prep and guests are in full swing as Dorinda arrives. There’s little lobster rolls and caviar. Dorinda asks the chef to teach her how to open an oyster, which brings tons of innuendo from this hyper sexual bunch.

Ramona is going out drinking with her daughter and her daughter’s friends. Tackyyyy. Know your place, crazy eyes. Ramona is beyond thrilled that the girls are all into wine.

Carole and Tinsley arrive to Bethenny’s party-Carole looks amazing and takes a luge shot. Tinsley does as well, but not as gracefully.

Avery reveals that Pellegrino is “her water”, and that growing up that’s what she called it. The girls are all reminiscing about growing up hanging at Avery’s house, and Ramona tells them to come “hang” now-they can bring some of their friends, she’ll bring some of her friends-it wouldn’t be awkward at all. One of Avery’s friends piped up “maybe your friends have sons they could bring” which momentarily brought Ramona back to earth.

Carole is luging it up! Bethenny and Tinsley are chatting about Ramona’s charity party the night before (Bethenny was invited but didn’t go, obvie). Showing scenes from the night before we catch a quick glimpse of a walking corpse-like vampire dude saying hello to Tinsley and Ramona. Whoa. Cue Ramona talking about Bethenny AGAIN. Tinsley asks Ramona if she’s coming “tomorrow night” (meaning Bethenny’s party). Oops. Ramona realizes she’s not invited.
Dorinda is still pretty upset at Ramona for trashing her house. Ramona remains unapologetic, as she often does. Tinsley tells Bethenny that Ramona says she regrets coming at Bethenny so hard.

Back to Ramona not acting her age-she starts telling Avery and her friends about her fight with Bethenny and says she lashed out, blacked out, and went on a rampage. One if the friends says “You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with a friend.” Ramona acts like that was the deepest philosophical awakening she’s ever heard, dramatically throws her body back against the booth and flings her napkin behind her (for someone else to pick up). She sings the praises of the super wicked wise 21 year old. The girl keeps going, seemingly on a roll, and Ramona is eye poppin’ shocked at her brilliance.She feels a “bond and synergy” with these kids, all the while flipping her hair like crazy.

Bethenny asks Dorinda if she went to Ramona’s party-Forinda says she did and said what she wanted to Ramona about the destruction of the room. Rewind to the night before, we see Dorinda confronting Ramona, who stands there smirking, and Sonja mocks Dorinda-those 2are the biggest assholes. Back to Bethenny’s, Sonja walks in as Dorinda is telling her story of Ramona’s history of disrespecting her home. Sonja’s talking head is complaining that Dorinda isn’t over it.

Dorinda tells the ladies that Ramona was minimizing her actions and just didn’t care-Sonja is rolling her eyes.

Ramona tells Avery and co how she destroyed Dorinda’s home, and thinks it’s super cute-she says “Dorinda is SO mad at me”. I’ve got a feeling that those kids know better than to do what Ramona did and think she’s an asshole.

Dorinda says Ramona just wants to ignore it-Carole thinks Ramona has been more aggressive. Dorinda doesn’t want this to be a Ramona bashing session. Sonja pipes in with saying how Ramona does that sort of thing all the time, that Ramona has trashed every single hotel bathroom she’s ever stayed in. So Ramona is a disrespectful pig. Got it.

Ramona is now making a drunken I love you toast to Avery and her friends-they’re ALL her daughters!

Back to Bethenny’s they’re drinking out of chocolate chip cookie cups, which is so cool.

Now we’re in Florida for Luann’s wedding. We see personal footage of her getting ready, her dress arriving-they show the actual wedding spot, which is quite beautiful.

Dorinda arrives for her wedding hair and makeup late-Luann thinks she was at the beach.Ky says she’s a hopeless romantic and she knew the first week she was with Tom she would marry him. Not sure HE knew that. We see Tom in his tux looking a little nervous. Lu’s talking head is gushing about her relationship with Tom-we see her in her dress and veil getting her makeup touched up.

Jill Zarin gets her 2 seconds of attention to wish the couple good luck. Tim is escorting his mom down the aisle, then Dorinda walks, looking beautiful.

***SIDE NOTE****
Wasn’t there some kind of stink where Luann refused to allow Bravo cameras in? Like at first she said yes, but right before she changed her mind? I thought I heard something about that. Which is pretty ungrateful since without Bravo no one would notice or care that she was getting married. Anyway…
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Luann’s kids are walking, then Luann with her brother, Michael giving her away. The priest says a few words, then some sort of vows, then they’re married. They kiss, and she almost knocks him over. The kiss looks awkward to me. Her talking head then flashes her wedding rings “HA HA!!” Yes, Luann, you got the prize.

Tom and Luann exit a doorway into the reception with a really bad voiceover announcing them. We only see snippets of the reception, every guest’s face is blurred, and we see a Marilyn Monroe impersonator jump out of a fake cake. Lu is dancing with Tom and towering over him. The end.

2 weeks later in NYC Carole and Bethenny are in Chinatown for lunch. Bethenny is incredulous that Carole hasn’t been to a place like they’re at, and Carole just tells Bethenny to order for her. Tom and Luann are having a post wedding party for all of the uninvited, so there’s that, and Adam finally found an apartment, Carole is glad.

Dorinda and Ramona are having lunch at Dorinda’s. Ramona is getting all of the wedding details and actually being gracious. Dorinda is all set with Tom and Luann wedding parties-enough.

Bethenny and Carole are amazed at all of the different foods in ChinaTown. They go for ice cream, and despite all of the crazy flavors, Carole gets boring chocolate. Bethenny is unimpressed.

Sonja is ordering Conner to redecorate her bedroom to make room for Frenchy’s things since he’s sort of moved in. Tinsley discovers that tidbit and is pretty surprised. Sonja likes him but he wants to adopt kids.

Tom and Luann’s post wedding party for the uninvited (aka get more presents) is starting-Bethenny gets there 15 minutes late but is still the first one there. Since she’s the only one there she makes a crack that it’s a party for the only people that haven’t slept with Tom. Ha. Dorinda arrives, she and Bethenny agree that it’s enough with the Tom and Luann wedding parties. The bride and groom arrive, Carole does too shortly after. Ramona gets there with Avery, and complains about the venue.

Bethenny and Avery exchange pleasantries but Ramona and Bethenny ignore each other. Tinsley is there-with a date!! It’s 23 year old Chad! Ramona complains about his age. Avery is a very poised, gracious and lovely young lady. Is that despite Ramona?

I find it really strange how Lu hovers over Tom during group conversations. It’s needy, clingy, and weird. Tom is showing off his wedding ring and making jokes about it. He says he didn’t want to wear one, but Luann insisted. I bet. Sonja and Frenchy arrive, Ramona shrieks at their arrival, and Sonja introduces him to all of the ladies. Has anyone noticed the strange high pitched giggle/cackle that Ramona develops around testosterone? Watch-you’ll notice it. Tinsley tells Bethenny that Frenchy moved in. Sonja actually looks really happy. Ramona is cackling.

Dorinda and Bethenny are chatting and ignoring John, who I didn’t see either until Carole says hello to him. Tinsley comes over to talk to Carole and can’t wait to tell her she’s got a 23 year old with her. Carole is all like, well, that’s cool and all-but if you’re looking for a husband and children….

Ramona calls her “friend” Jim over and introduces him to Sonja. I think she just didn’t want to look man-less especially since Tinsley and Sonja both have dates.

Frenchy is entertaining Sonja and Ramona (cackle cackle)-she’s awkwardly acknowledging Jim-they’re dating but that’s all she’s saying. Sonja and Ramona mock Tinsley’s date saying he looks 12, which is ironic coming from Sonja.

Sonja introduces Frenchy to Tom and Luann, they talk wedding, and are all very pleasant. Tom then aggressively grabs Luann by the thrust sort of in a chokehold and kisses her. SO. WEIRD. There’s been a lot of weird this episode.

Dorinda makes a speech to make up for her first one in the boat where she drunkenly slurred her way through. Lu is hovering. Tom takes over the toast and talks about the wedding, making a jab about “true friends and family” being there. The comment does not get past Bethenny and Tinsley, who laugh it off.

Next week: Frenchy and Sonja talk their relationship and “those beeshes”, Sonja isn’t very honest with Rocco, Tinsley gets advice from Carole, Bethenny renovates to sell, Ramona defends her behavior.

Yay! I did it!

Talk soon Lovelies
-Allie

Met Gala 2017, Final Part

I had to do one more, y’all-enjoy!!

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The Olsen Twins wearing a bunch of ugly fuckery. You know what I see?

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This. Maybe this was their inspiration. No other explanation.
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Caroline Kennedy looking absurd in Commes des Garçons. Vogue named her their best dressed woman of all time, too. Uhhhh-ok. Her arms. She’s got no arms. How functional can that be?
*****

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Celine Dion in Versace. It’s ok. She looks happy.
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Brie Larson in Chanel. This dress looks SO HEAVY, and bulky, and just….no.
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Lily-Rose Depp in Chanel. Such a pretty color, totally age-appropriate as well. Amber Heard was there-wonder how THAT was.
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein. I hate the length, and she’s channeling the pink Oscar dress.
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Jessica Chastain in Prada-people were raving about this look but I just see Belle. Am I crazy?
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I couldn’t pass this one up-Allison Williams in DVF. I love the corseted look-hair and makeup yassss.
*****

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Kate Hudson in Stella McCartney. I love the white hair with the white dress-and the dress is gorj.
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And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did-you always know if there’s an event involving fashion, I’ll be writing about it!

Talk soon Lovelies

-Allie

Met Gala 2017 Part 2

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Solange Knowles in a parka/sleeping bag by Thom Browne.
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Lily Aldridge in Balenciaga *I think-but whatever’s she’s wearing, it’s everything.
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Blake Lively in Versace. Gorge. She usually does no wrong-and she seems so nice. Right? If I heard she was really bitchy or mean? I’d be crushed.

*****

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JLo and ARod in Valentino. Yawn. Girl. We’ve seen this look already at the Oscars with Ben. Down to the hair.
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I’m kinda digging Katie Jokmes in Zac Posen. She looks…made up, usually she’s sort of frumpy.
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Rihanna in Commes des Garçons. That is wearing her, not vice versa. It looks uncomfortable and awkward but everyone will rave how avant garde she is. Pfft.
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Paris Jackson in Calvin Klein. A little underdressed but she’s young and just getting her footing. I love her-she’s been through it and is a fighter.
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KKW in Vivienne Westwood. This is the un-blinked, non-materialistic Kim, y’all. She even ditched Kanye. What’s up w that? She’s wearing a nightgown and not even a bracelet. We get it.
*****

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Oooooh Bella Hadid is there-awkward. Her Alexander Wang catsuit is crap. Sorry. Try harder next time.
*****

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Zendaya in Dolce and Gabbana. This is a statement dress. Wow. Bella Hadid, take notice.
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Gigi Hadid in Tommy Hilfiger. I love this look, actually. Well done, Geej.
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Madonna in a rednecks dream. Hideous. She’s too old for this ridiculousness.
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Evan Rachel Wood in Altuzarra. Stunning. Her hair and makeup is on point.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Going Commando

We start at Rinna’s kitchen with a very tired and unthrilled Amelia texting and wanting eggs. It’s 545am, and the car that’s supposed to take them to LAX for their flight to NYC is late. They’re going to visit Delilah who is there for modeling. Oooo both of Rinna’s girls have talking heads now! They say mom is menopausal and annoying. No shit. The car comes, off they go.

Kyle is already in NYC with Sophia, who hates oatmeal and hates fruit. Next they’re on some sort of rooftop taking a selfie for Mauricio. Sophia has anxiety like Kyle. 

LVP shows up at Dorit’s to take her shopping for a birthday gift for Ken. Last year she got him the ponies. Dorit loves LVP and thinks they’re 2 peas in a pod. As LVP drives off,  Dorit finds her pepper spray, which LVP jokingly says she uses on Ken.

Erika is having rehearsal for her new video “Expensive”. The lyrics are something about it being expensive to be her. She’s got shows coming up in Denver, Vegas and Greece. She’s wearing a t shirt that says something about her pussy. Her dancers are super flexible and in her words “c*nty”. 

LVP, Dorit and Harrison enter a schmancy jewelry store, and Harrison promptly sneezes on the counter. LVP uses him to clean it-well, he’s fluffy enough! She wants a watch with a rubber strap. The sales woman brings a monstrosity of a watch out that’s $920k and ugly as hell. She passes and settles on a much more understated rubber strapped $25k watch. 

Kyle is opening another store in NYC. She and her partner Lizzie are checking out the new space which looks huge, but is bare bones nothing. Supposedly, it will be ready in 2 months. I’m leery of that. Rinna comes to visit, tells how Harry built both of her stores and is really handy. Handy Harry. She rehashes to Kyle the apology she gave to LVP-Kyle thinks there’s hope yet. 

Dorit is going to take jagger to the park. Not Phoenix because she has to wear a helmet, her head is flat on one side. I have a feeling Phoenix doesn’t go out much with that helmet. The nanny has Phoenix and Dorit talks to her like it’s not her baby even-it’s weird. Jagger is having speech therapy that his nanny brings him to. He says “yeah” really well. The park doesn’t happen since he can’t drive to it and Dorit doesn’t feel like doing mothering 101. I’m not tooting my own horn but at one point I was a single mother of 5, one being an infant-I had no nannies. Not a one. And round headed children that didn’t need helmets. I paid attention. I feel bad, I heard Dorit is getting slammed in Twitter for her (lack of) mothering skills, she just comes off as utterly disengaged and disconnected.

Eileen,Vince and son Jesse are off to Cambria to get things from her mom’s house before it goes to the new owners. It’s a really nice house. She’s sad because of the memories and missing her mom-they bring home a few pictures and things.

Rinna is bringing Delilah to a business meeting-Delilah’s manager is there too and he looks 19. Rinna launches into a super uncomfortable child birth story, with head size and birth canal details..why? Delilah isn’t as mortified as I would have been. It drives me a little nuts that Rinna calls her by her first and middle names-Delilah Belle. The girls talking heads reveal that Rinna runs around naked when their friends are over. Gah.

LVP is giving Ken his gift-there are weird, inflatable hot pink flamingos at the table-he loves the watch and loves her. They’ve decided that since Max survived not having electricity and only has asked them for teeth, they’ll put a deposit on a house and furnish it for him. He has sufficiently paid his dues. I feel like Pandy didn’t have the same dues.

Kyle, Sophia, Rinna, Delilah and Amelia all meet at a rooftop restaurant-Rinna is leaving her girls alone in NYC so she can go to QVC. Kyle isn’t so sure about that. The 3 girls don’t really interact. Delilah whips out a dating app that’s probably super inappropriate but Rinna laughs it off. She wishes she could call Yolanda and get modeling advice for Delilah but she burned that bridge good.

Eileen goes to her therapist-she doesn’t know why she’s embarrassed that she’s had so much loss. She has a breakthrough when they realize that her embarrassment equals shame that goes back to her childhood when her parents didn’t get along. She has to stop worrying if people are uncomfortable. Be in the moment with her feelings.

Kyle is back in LA getting ready for a white party at PUMP. She gets to PUMP and realizes her white underwear is showing so calls LVP for backup nude underwear but LVP is fresh out. It really doesn’t look that bad. Dorit and PK arrive and the undies are still a big deal. Here come LVP and Ken with Erika not far behind. Erika wants margaritas-margaritas for all! Erika didn’t know it was a white party, her dress is white and black. Kyle announces that Alicia Silverstone has been cast to play her mother in her new show-Erika says she’s going to meet the Y&R producers for her bday gift/role from Eileen. LVP one-ups her and says that Eileen asked her, too (she didn’t, LVP begged for one line on the show that she didn’t get) and Erika thinks that’s rude. No-she just doesn’t get British humor. Dorit muses about how uptight Americans are, Erika reminds her not so gently that she’s from Connecticut, HELLO-Dorit looks a little taken aback but recovers and says well, that’s why I can say that, my American-ness. Things are starting to go wrong with Dorit and Erika. LVP finds a way to point out that Erika isn’t wearing any undies. There’s a little back and forth with Erika and Dorit, Dorit’s talking head says Erika is “poised but guarded” and Erika’s says “respect is earned”. Uh oh. PK can see her lady bits. Erika says she’s very introverted, really-this is just a stage persona (that’s not on stage) and Dorit in her talking head basically says “introvert my ass. That’s cold, frigid and snooty”. Personally I feel like the whole underwear thing was a setup. Firstly, there are assistants to run home and fetch underwear. Secondly, as IF LVP walks around with spare chonies to lend out. Ew. It was a poorly scripted segue into embarrassing Erika. Just my opinion.

The next day Jagger is eating sushi because Dorit says he doesn’t eat off the kids menu. Ever. PK is reminiscing over the flashes he was allegedly getting from Erika all night-it was uncomfortable but not unenjoyable! Dorit would have kept her legs crossed or had a napkin over her lap. I’m not sure if Erika was Sharon Stone-ing all night or what, but it seems PK got a thrill. Or didn’t? Or maybe did.

Next week: Rinna is doing well on QVC. The ladies are at a dungeon type place. Much is made of Erika’s”snatch”. Dorit gives her some underwear, Erika is unamused.