Oooo MJs new condo. Doesn’t she live next door to her mom or something? Sounds like Tommy still isn’t a fan of Vida. MJ says she needs to remodel. Oh wow-Vida does live there.
Now we are at Mike’s new bachelor pad. Since he’s a bachelor. Again. Love the spiral staircase, I’m such a sucker for a spiral staircase. His bedroom is meh. Plain and weird. But Mike is weird, so. His dogs are penned up on an upstairs patio. I don’t love that, but hey, who knows. We have to reminisce about Jessica-yawn. Reza helped Mike decorate his house. I figured it wasn’t all Mike. He talks to his mom several times a day-no thanks.
Reza! He’s meeting Asa. She’s about to drop the bomb on him-the pregnancy bomb. I’m so happy for her. She’s 21 weeks and kept it secret all this time. Everyone is thrilled. Reza had no idea. They’re pigging out on 2 of everything from the happy hour menu. Asa and MJ have not made amends, and Asa is uninterested in having negativity around her right now.
Vida is at MJ and Tommy’s. This won’t end well, I predict. Vida doesn’t like the boxes from unpacking and lack of coffee table. She’s been there 3.6 seconds and already going in. Tommy SNAPS on Vida-apparently MJ’s father had a stroke and is in hospital-Tommy feels like with all that going on, Vida cares about boxes?!? Vida isn’t happy. She starts yelling, Tommy starts yelling-good lord. Vida leaves. MJ wants a baby in all of this.
GG and her friend are taking a meditation class. GG has taken the last 6 months to herself. She recognizes her temper and after she assaulted Adam she checked into rehab. Does she not drink? That would be realllly good. Oh wait-she does drink. Just not as much. Oh well, I guess that’s better than where she was. Oh my lawd-they’re all screaming-what in the what? No. Now they’re writing down ppl thecwant to forgive, GG writes herself, then they burn it.
Asa is going for an ultrasound with her mom-Asa needs a bunch of vaccines but she’s not feeling that. She refuses the flu shot because she doesn’t want “poisons”. It’s actually called “antibodies” but ok. Jermaine is vegan, so the baby probably will be because gorillas and elephants are vegetarians and they’re strong, so there.
Reza and Adam are going to get tennis lessons. Reza is being a good husband because he’s not all that crazy about tennis. Adam twists his ankle, game over for him. Adam wants a baby now. They keep calling each other “honey” and it sounds forced. Reza wants to wait on the whole baby thing.
Shervin! Shervin and his cousin are having a “bro-b-q”. Enter Mike. Shervin has. Girlfriend named Annalise. She’s blond and tiny. Reza arrives! Mike wants to have his housewarming party this week and is planning it alone but Reza is horrified that Mike doesn’t have a planner. He calls it “ghetto-Mike-style”. Mike agrees to get a planner. Reza asks who’s invited, Mike says GG and Reza can’t. He thinks she’s dangerous, doesn’t want to be in the same room as her, and hasn’t forgiven her for starting the sex tape rumor about him. I can’t say I blame him-she was pretty treacherous. Mike decides not to invite her just to avoid the drama.
MJ is picking up Reza and his ” to-go libation”. She won’t tell him where they’re going-it’s a surprise. Oh it’s a spa! Aaaand they’re having anal bleaching done. Really? First-I pity the fool who does THAT for a living. Second-why? MJ and Reza are talking GG, MJ isn’t in a forgiving place towards her either. Their whole anal bleaching process is way TMI, way too much, and oh my lawd. The waxing lady is funny though. Oh wow. Now MJ’s turn. I can’t. Never ever would I 1) have my asshole bleached 2) have my friend/husband/anyone peering at it while being done. That would happen on the planet of Nope.
Mike is vacuuming and prepping for his party. He wants everyone to see that he’s really moved on. Really. The party planner, Destiney shows up-I’ve seen her before. She’s definitely been on another show-i can almost remember but not really-it’s on the tip of my brain. Dammit-what has she been on? Driving me nuts. I KNOW!!!! People’s Couch!!!! She was on People’s Couch. Phew. That was making me nuts.
Adam and Reza are getting ready for Mikes party-Adam predicts that when MJ finds out Asa is pregnant she will be “very hateful and resentful”. Bingo. Reza disagrees-but we’ll see. I can’t wait to see MJs face. But MJ IS dressed like a stuffed sausage. I’ll give her that.
Mike has scantily clad women wearing lampshades on their head standing around. This is super dumb. No, Destiney. Guests are arriving-MJ humps the couch. Reza approves of the house. Now Shervy-Sherv and Annalise arrive, followed by Asa with food. MJ is rude, and doesn’t want to be friends with Asa. MJ resents Asa for keeping her relationship private. Let’s see whos relationship lasts longer, MJ. Asa is smart. MJs outfit is horrible. It’s way too small. Mike says GG is looking better and healthier. Asa changes the subject by showing off her new pregnant belly, everyone is surprised and happy for her. Maybe not MJ. Adam pushes MJ for a hug and it’s so awkward.
Asa faces the inquisition from MJ about religion, marriage, living arrangements….
MJ runs off to cry. And drink heavily. Mike is trying to comfort MJ, and the conversation is weird and stupid. I think MJ is pretty drunk already.
MJ is overhearing Asa talk about her pregnancy etc and decides shots are in order. Several. Time to take MJ home.
MJ wants a baby too, she cries to Reza. Mike toasts Destiney for the party and Asa for the baby. MJ wants Reza to share in her baby lust, then she leaves. Reza has some words of wisdom.
Next week: Tortoise sex. Another party with scantily clad women. MJ drinks. The return of GG. Asa faces nosy questions.