RHOA recap: Loose Lips Sink Ships

The morning after the explosive dinner, Kandi calls Don Juan to find out if her car is on its way, because she’s not riding home on the bus with these women after last night. She says good bye to Cynthia, who doesn’t blame her.

Everyone else is packing up and dragging their luggage out to the bus-Sheree asks Phaedra about last night, hoping she’ll come clean about her role in all of it but not Phaedra. Phaedra actually makes fun of Porsha’s reaction-Kenya asks Porsha how it felt last night, Porsha blows it off. 

Cynthia arrives back at Lake Bailey-her lame driver refuses to go down her driveway so she’s left chasing her luggage down the hill of her driveway. Noel and the assistant have gotten a lot of unpacking done, and Cynthia sits down to fill them both in on the gossip of the trip. She tells Noel and assistant that Kandi was accused of being a closeted lesbian, Noel’s reaction is laughter-Cynthia then decides to be way too TMI and reveal her “experimentation”. Noel is probably scarred.

Kandi is finally home, her staff is sitting around and Todd is there to greet her with a smooch. Man-Todd is getting grey. Kandi can’t wait to tell her audience what happened the night before-everyone has a shocked reaction about Porsha’s suggestion that Kandi is a closeted lesbian-and Kandi says of ALL people Porsha? Apparently, according to Kandi, she, Todd and Porsha were all out one night and there was some bumping and grinding, Porsha made out with Kandi, and whispered an offer into Kandi’s ear that was pretty graphic-yikes. So for allegedly bisexual Porsha to be pointing bisexual fingers at Kandi is awfully ironic, Kandi feels like she’s pretty open about her sexuality so wtf.

Kenya, as a gift to Cynthia, has made an appointment at a plastic surgeon for Cynthia to get vaginal rejuvenation surgery. Cynthia and Mallory ask what it’s about and Kenya gives a female anatomy/biology lesson. The doctor explains the procedure to Cynthia and she goes through with it. With an audience.

Phaedra has an appointment with her divorce attorney who announces to Phaedra that her divorce is final. Phaedra reaches for Kleenex to dab her invisible tears and says she’s always going to encourage Apollo’s relationship with the boys. Yeah right. Her attorney informs her that Apollo is not aware that the divorce is final, so it’s up to her to tell him. It’s weird-the divorce attorney says “he was properly served” several times. Not the usual comment. Phaedra decides she owes him at least telling him personally since she’s known him 22 years (really?). She takes her ring off . Oh, Phony Phaedra.

Kandi is bringing Riley into the studio to boost her confidence. Block let Riley down as expected by not coming around, so Kandi wrote a song for Riley to record. Riley goes into the booth and half asses it, probably out of shyness mostly, and when she’s done Kandi and the engineer play it back and the computer did a great job singing.

Phaedra is coming to see Porsha’s new monstrosity of a house-she’s got a playscape, a pink little girls room, and blue little boys room. She’s got no kids, but that’s just a technicality. That’s some weird shit. Phaedra brought Porsha some Hennessy in hopes that Porsha would get drunk and make good with Phaedra on the offer she made Kandi. Phaedra tells Porsha her divorce is final and despite having a new girlfriend Apollo didn’t take it well. I feel like Phaedra tried some shady shit with that divorce which is why her attorney talked about proper service 5 times. Anyway-Phaedra did her usual gross face and body movements that she does when talking about sex, because Porsha brought it up. 

Cynthia is hard at work at the Bailey Agency, working on a Cargo fashion show for Atlanta. Her partner is there as well-and Sheree is coming in for a meeting because Cynthia thinks she can offer Kairo some exposure and runway experience in her show. Cynthia thinks Sheree needs a reality check as a momager because things don’t work like Sheree thinks they do. As Cynthia makes the runway offer, Sheree wants to know if Kairo would be getting paid-no-but he’ll get a designer backpack. Sheree says the show would have to work around his school schedule-Cynthia is like, look, this is what it is-you’re interested or not. Sheree will get back to her.

Porsha hasn’t seen her Todd for a while so she’s meeting him for drinks, he’s got a necklace for her, but she says it’ll take a lot more than that. She basically tells him she needs him to grow up and man up-he says ok, he will.

Kandi has decided to meet/confront Porsha and is regretting their friendship. The 2 of them sit down and it’s pretty chilly and tense. Kandi starts out by telling Porsha she was thrown by her pretending she didn’t know who said the closeted lesbian shit-Porsha says she didn’t remember because she didn’t think it was a big deal. The Porsha/Block thing comes up-which I don’t get what the problem is, but anyway-Kandi says it’s no secret that she’s hooked up with women, and Porsha’s the one living her life undercover. Porsha says if she’s single that’s her biz but she’s not married bringing other people into it. (If it’s mutually consensual wouldn’t that be their biz?) Kandi says everyone knows she and Todd did that once, Porsha almost explodes at that one-then says Kandi has a sex dungeon which Kandi denies but says if she had one she’d be loud and proud about it. Kandi then brings up the club incident with Porsha propositioning her, Porsha pauses for a second, then weakly denies it (I believe Kandi). Porsha alleges that Kandi had a 7 year relationship with a woman-Kandi says not true. Porsha offers to text Kandi the girls number-then tells Kandi that Todd uses the alias “Marvin” to cheat on her. There’s more back and forth that I can’t keep track of, Kandi has had it and leaves.

Next week: Phaedra finds joy. Group trip to Maui. Kandi v Porsha round 3.

Talk soon, Lovelies 

-Allie