RHOA S9/E20

Chateau She Did That

Hi everyone, welcome to the recap, respectfully submitted by NoLife.  On to the 20^th hour I will have lost this season.

Tonight’s wine is a bottle of Black Stallion Winery 2014 Limited Edition Red Wine Blend.  It is truly fantastic.  Unfortunately for you, it apparently is only available through the Wine Club, of which I am a lucky member.  Wine Clubs are like beauty boxes, except it’s WINE!  I can say that every single wine I’ve received from them is really, really good so go ahead and order.

Anyway, on to the show…Kim Z is coming so it ought to be loud.  And BTW, my wine is in a glass not a Solo cup…cuz I’m a rich bitch y’all.

After we do the quick shots of all the HW, we start with Sheree with 1 week to Open House.  She’s meeting with the party planner.  Tiffany the Event planner shows up and there’s all kinds of construction going on.  She wants a masquerade theme.  She’s worried about what the other girls are going to say.  She wants it over the top and grand.

Off to Kandi with Riley meeting baby daddy.  They’re both wearing bad hats – Kandi in a Bowler and Riley in a black Pussy hat.  Riley is really becoming pretty.  Kandi says that it has been a few years but he’s been reaching out consistently lately.  And they wait…..and wait….and wait.  And in walks Block, who they have to subtitle, because he’s a low and fast talker.  Ladies order Atlanta Rolls, he orders wings.  He’s trying to talk to Riley but she ain’t having it.  Kandi picks up the convo.  Kandi mentions the song, and he asks Riley what the song is.  He listens to it…and I think she sent the message.  He asked who wrote it, and Kandi says she took what Riley’s been saying to her – then tosses in that she’s a Grammy winner.  He wants Kandi to leave and she’s down with it, but Riley is begging her to stay.  Kandi goes to the bathroom.  Riley starts texting, he basically tells her not to, and he asks what she wants to ask her daddy.  He is really trying, I will give him that.  But Riley is holding back.  He says he was there when she was born, and she asks if he signed the birth certificate.  He had nothing to say.  Kandi comes back and says that he came around the hospital but wasn’t there when she came out.

Commercial – I typed through the entire commercial trying to catch up.

Back to Kandi and she’s driving home how little contact he’s had, he says Kandi brainwashed her.  He had her number from the time she was 5.  I can’t keep up, but they bicker over him not being there while Riley texts.  Riley interrupts to say she ain’t brainwashed.  He’s brainwashed thinking he was around.  He admits and says he wants to move forward, Riley thinks a long time then comes out with a very not enthusiastic “Sure”.  She’s pissed he thinks she’s brainwashed.

Over to not divorced, recently terminated Phaedra meets Johnnie at the Prioleau law office.  The partners have decided to not represent Johnnie for him suit against Kandi with regard to intellectual property – I think, I was sipping wine and didn’t feel like rewinding.  But good news, they will represent him in the wage claim.  After an investigation is complete they will proceed forward.  Johnnie is asked, by some other lawyer, if he was employed by Kandi Coated Entertainment when he planned her wedding and what his role was.  Johnnie says that Kandi asked him to do her wedding as a planner.  It was a production with a Coming to America theme.  He found the animals, auditioned the dancers, and planned her elaborate introduction.  He found the feather dress.  Worked 16 hours days.  He got paid for 5 working days, but worked 7, with no additional pay.  Federal Law says he needed to make 7.25/hr but Phaedra worked out he was making about 2/hr.  That makes Kandi Coated in violation of Federal Law or something….unless, of course, he was actually a contractor, or an Exempt worker, like me.

Back to Sheree, furniture is being delivered, but no table.  She asks her Entertainment Coordinator about it.  And there are no appliances.  Sheree is surprised and pissed and will get to the bottom of this.  Don, the Construction Manager, literally laughs when asked, regains his composure/remembers his lines, and says they dropped off the wrong appliances.  She freaks out.  Flash back to “Who gonna check me boo?” scene.

Commercial – Gulp wine.

Porsha – Dropping off flowers at her Father’s grave.  Um, why?  Her sister was in therapy after he died.  Porsha starts crying.  I didn’t know her sister had a different mother, but whatevs.  I can’t even recap this bullshit.  At the end of this Porsha says that she is glad she “finally” came to his grave…he’s been dead since 19fucking98.  I can’t even with her.

Back to Kandi at home with Carmen and Ace.  He is one seriously cute kid.  She’s excited for the party.  DuanJuan calls about his phone blowing up about stuff on “the blog”.  He tells Kandi that Johnnie has filed a lawsuit for overtime pay.  She does the Kandi “say what” face.  Todd walks in just as she’s doing the face.  For the last 2 years he’s worked at least 20 hours OT each week.  Tyler Perry told Kandi before that  he keeps money to the side for just these situations.  Talking head she says he got paid but the money dried up so he’s coming at her.  DuanJuan hangs up and Kandi says to Todd that somebody (on Mama Joyce’s streets) said that Johnnie had been talking to Phaedra.  She thinks Phaedra put the bug in his ear.

Phaedra and her side fat rolls in a modified bandage dress.  Her date tonight is Dwight, he is wearing a blazer with scenes of Venice on it.  He tosses shade at Sheree some more.

Kandi was feeling bad about Apollo’s girlfriend.  Tells Todd it was uncomfortable.  She doesn’t want to add more drama.  Todd says it’s about his and Apollo’s friendship.  He wants to bail on the party; she wants him there in case there’s drama.

Sheree: 2 hours to party.  Sheree and her daughter’s are getting their glam on.  The house is ok, but wow is the bedroom UGLY.  Dark with GIGANTIC flowers wallpaper.  Yuck, just yuck.

Commercial – spent deciding whether or not I need to go on and on about how ugly that wallpaper is, decided all caps should do it because, really, words fail me.

People arrive for the party.  Porsha loves the house.  The idea of masquerade party means everyone is wearing eye masks…oooooooookay.  Cynthia comes with Mal.  Sheree’s Mom comes in who looks lovely, and shouldn’t she as the legal owner of the house and all.  Here comes Kandi and Todd.  Sheree’s got circus acrobats dangling from, now don’t take this the wrong way, balls on a pole in the entry.

Cynthia drops the tea to Porsha that Apollo’s girlfriend showed up at OLG.  Porsha says that was messy.  Cynthia says they’ve been together for 4 years and Porsha says they’re serving sloppy seconds at their restaurant.  Not sure if that was directed at Kandi or not.  Cynthia’s talking head says that Sheree was too busy so she helped her out by dropping the news.

Sheree still getting ready and she is wearing a killer dress.  It’s black, but the decollate area is mesh with gorgeous gold trim.  And……then she comes down the stairs, it’s actually a cat suit with a girnormous train, and fugly.  Here I was thinking Sheree got it right and down the stairs comes that hot mess.  She hugs Bob first and greets her guests.  Hi Miss Lawrence!

In walks Phaedra and Dwight.  Kandi and Phaedra have a very tense hello.  Porsha takes Phaedra to the kitchen where she will spill her tea.  While Sheree needles Kandi about Johnnie on the blogs (which will be his new official name ©NoLife), Phaedra shrugs off the Apollo’s girlfriend news.  Then goes on to say that they are just trying to hurt her.  She isn’t surprised that Todd and Kandi “invited” what’s her name to the opening on her birthday.  Yeah, she wasn’t so much invited but anyways this ain’t my fight.  She says “they just being messy.”  She’s calls them wicked and ugly.  She’s ready to “knock a bitch’s head off”.

Commercial – Sheree and some chick from Potomac on WWHL.

Peter is here?!?!  Whatevs.

Lots of pics.  LISA WU shows up!  I miss Lisa L.  Kandi sits down with Marlo.  Here comes Kim and Kroi.  Kaleigh greets her, Kim walks right by Kandi without saying hello.

Kenya shows up.

Lisa is happy to see Kim.  Sheree does a talking head about how good friends she and Kim are.

Kenya wants a tour, but Kandi says they haven’t gotten one yet.  Kenya and Kandi goes to look for a bathroom, go down the stairs to the basement and see that it totally isn’t done.  Like no drywall, not done.

Sheree takes Kim and Kroi up to the ugly bedroom and the flowers are only an accent wall.  Get this, it’s black with gigantic flows of the white/pink hue and the other walls of the bedroom are dark forest green.  Ummmm…..yuck more.

Leilani yells at Kandi and Kenya that no one is supposed to be in the basement, it was supposed to be off limits.  She goes tell Sheree that people were in the basement and Sheree flips out.  She starts screaming “Who was in my basement?”  Kenya immediately says that it was her because she didn’t know.  Kim says that you don’t go in someone’s basement.  Sheree is ranting that the entire party is on this level why would people go in the basement.  Kim jumps in to the argument.  In talking head, Kenya says she didn’t recognize Kim.  Kenya notes that Sheree has similar lighting and how much is similar.  Sheree continues the tour screaming that she is leading not Kenya.

Kandi goes up to Kim and they have an awkward conversation.

Scene cuts.  They show various reunion shows and you can really see how much Kim has worked on her face.  In between other stuff Kandi and Kim work out their differences from 6 years ago.

Meanwhile Phaedra and Porsha are self touring themselves through the closet and bathroom.

Kim is pretending to Kandi that she doesn’t know that Kenya’s name is Kenya, she thinks it could also be Kendra.  Kandi says that they’ve had a lot of drama over their houses.

Kenya is wandering around the closet with Sheree in tow; she’s commenting that it is half the size of hers so of course the entourage tells Sheree.

Sheree is so worked up about her half finished house is better than Kenya’s half finished house.  Kim jumps in asking why Kenya is being a bitch.

Commercial – I’m so over this.  With all the jumps it’s hard to make this cohesive.  Good God, the DVR says this in on for an extra 15 minutes.  Did I miss the big Kim/Kenya fight?

Oh wait here’s the fight.  They just bicker.  Kim mentioned that (Kenya’s dress is so highly slit) that her vagina is about to fall out.  Kenya says something about seeing it and Kim getting lucky tonight (this whole read attempt makes zero sense).  Kim says that she has a real man at home.  Kenya says that at least she doesn’t look like she’s had 5 kids.  Kim responds with at least I have kids.  Kenya tosses by 3 different people.  Kim suggests throwing Kenya out, so Kenya asks Sheree if she’s going to, Sheree gives the “Oh no you dint” face.  Kim keeps talking and Kenya tells her to stop being a bitch and then drops “You’re husband doesn’t have job right now”.  Kandi and my talking heads both think that was a low blow.  Kim says Kroi made 20 million in the NFL (seriously?), she thinks he’s ok.  It goes on and on.  Phaedra says she knows that Kim isn’t’ a fight starter….whatevs.

Back to the party – Cynthia is talking about the lack of appliances.  Kenya is saying in her talking her that Sheree did “complete”.  Kandi hasn’t had a moment to speak to Phaedra so that Phaedra knows she had nothing to do with what’s her name being invited.

Sheree finally spills to Phaedra about what’s her name.  When Phaedra says they must’ve invited her, Sheree says that they didn’t know she was coming.

Kim is leaving.  Sheree is glad that Kim checked Kenya.  Kim stops to say bye to the HW. She says it was nice to see everyone and starts hugging.   Kenya says it was nice to see you and Kim responds with “I wasn’t talking to you. I don’t know why you’re still here.”

Cynthia wants to talk to Peter in private.  They talk about how big the house is.  She wants to make sure that they are cool as friends.  She requests a hug.

Porsha’s Todd is at this party.  HUH?  WHAAAA?

Kandi goes to talk to Phaedra.  Kandi tells her about what her name going to the opening.   That if she had known before she wouldn’t have allowed it.  She spoke with Todd about it and she let him know it wasn’t cool.  Then she says “I’m sorry”.  Phaedra says that when she heard about it it felt like sabotage.  Phaedra’s talking head: “Kandi’s apology. (Shrugs)  I’m glad she realizes something is really wrong here, but in the end I could care less.  (No honey, it’s supposed to be COULDN’T care less…idiot – my apologies to Phaedra if I heard her wrong).  She and I will never be right”.  Kandi defends Todd saying that Apollo wanted it.  Phaedra says she wishes that people realize the repercussions of things, which opens the door for Kandi to ask about Johnnie on the blogs.  He told someone he met with Phaedra; she wants to know if that’s true.

FINAL COMMERCIAL BREAK – Yay!  Homestretch!

Kandi asks if Phaedra was the one who gave him the advice she answers that as an attorney she can’t answer that, but she isn’t his attorney.   Get this bullshit:  “As an attorney, if someone comes to you for advice, you cannot divulge what it is they came for – it’s unethical.  So I can’t speak on it”.  Kandi gives her the “WTF” look and laughs.  Kandi says that makes her looks different because she set her up with this man.  Phaedra claims she didn’t seek him out.  Kandi says it is what it is.  “You hate while I be great”.

Endcaps:

Phaedra: is not representing Johnnie, but has her own legal woes.  A judge sided with Apollo and threw out their divorce settlement…even thugh he’s technically still “engaged”.

Kandi: The OLG restaurant finally opened….almost a year behind schedule.  Kandi continues to rage in the coind with a songwriting credit on Ed Sheeran’s hit single “Shape Of You”

Cynthia: #50CYNT welcomed her 50^th bierthday with a photo in her birthday suit.  She and Peter have started dating again…just not each other.

Porsha: “Porsha’s Palace” remains a home for one.  She just launched a detox cleanse called “The Dump.’  No word yet on whether Todd is about to park at the “Palace” or get “The Dump”.

Kenya: is producing a PSA about domestic violence.  She has also invited Sheree to Moore Manor to give her tips on how to finish her basement.  No word on whether Sheree has accepted or not.

Sheree: insists that she now lives at Chateau Sheree…despite rumors that she does not.  Her novel is now for sale and she is gathering bones for the sequel.

Thanks for reading everyone.  Please excuse the typos, blame the wine.