RHOA – S9/E18 Baby Nups & Breakups

 

Hi everyone, welcome to the recap, respectfully submitted by NoLife.  I’m not a writer, and this will be my first official recap for a site.  I’m just a snarky broad who loves trashy TV.  Feel free to offer suggestions going forward.  Hope that your read isn’t too painful.

I have a lovely glass of Bargetto Pinot Noir (Montery Coast wine….too good for this show, but good wine is all I have) with me and, now, onto the show. 

The “ladies” are back from Hawaii-which was a fun filled trip.

At the Bailey Agency and Cynthia doing a cargo runway practice with Nicole.  Nicole thinks Cynthia is being unprofessional with her lack of criticism.  She’s excited to do a show in the ATL.  Sheree shows up with Kairo, I guess to practice as well.  Cynthia says it’s all about the bags.  He’s never done runway before, but he’s sure he’ll do fine.  Cynthia and her partner, Kal?,  keep giving him tips.  He definitely needs works.  All Sheree cares about is press and compensation.  Kal says not everyone is getting a bag, she doesn’t care – she just wants to make sure that Kairo gets one.  Ooooh, Nicole and Kairo trade phone numbers so she can give him pointers.

Night falls and we head over to Porsha calling Phaedra.  She wants Phaedra to do a “Baby Nup” – better hope Phaedra knows how to spell their names.  Porsha loves Todd and he’s a “adorable”,  but she’s worried about him getting upset with her and not getting married and leaving her pregnant (hmmm, sounds like he might have a history of this, eh?).  Phaedra is trying to talk her out of doing, but wants her to send the document PORSHA came up with to her, or bring it over to the restaurant she’s in.  So Porsha gets her fat ass dressed to take it to her.

Over to Kenya with the dogs:  Che (her cousin) shows up – they’re first cousins, but like sisters because they’re so close.  Kenya counts on her to be there for her.  They talk about Hawaii.  Kenya calls it a roller coaster because they keep trying to blame her for everything…from divorce, to chateau, to no edges, but she’s not taking the blame for Trump (me either…GARY JOHNSON!!!).  Talk about the divorce party, the text and how Phaedra went in on her.  Kenya says Phaedra does not how to forget, Che thinks they should sit down and talk about it.  Kenya thought they were making a strong bond, but it was smoke and mirrors.  Onto Matt, and Kenya says she isn’t speaking with him since Charlotte (where he bitch-slapped her driver, then broke out the windows on her house).  She would like for them to get to the type of relationship Cynthia and Peter have.  Che thinks it will take time for them to be friends.  Kenya takes blame for problems, she didn’t slow down and give him the attention he thought he deserved which may have made him feel emasculated.  She wants to reach out because King’s birthday is coming up to thank him for the dog.  She says they had a solid year of a really good relationship which is why she forgave him so easily.  Che asks if she is sure it wasn’t about the sex.  Kenya says “I control the dick, it don’t control me”.

Commercial – pee break!!!

On to Kandi: She dropping in on Mama Joyce and the rest of the Old Lady Gang for dinner.  Todd is at the restaurant that taking over his life.  They talk about the trip and Kandi says it was all drama.  Aunt Doris notes they all hate Kandi, and that’s why they don’t let her (Aunt Doris) come on trips.  Kandi tells Mama about Porsha telling everyone Phaedra is divorced.  Mama asks if Apollo told Todd, and no he didn’t (you know, because he didn’t know, because Phaedra used the incorrect names on the documents so her divorce has been un-divorced FACTUALLY).  Todd arrives, and they pray.  I don’t know why, but they’re eating off of STYROFOAM TRAYS.  Like school cafeteria Styrofoam trays…they should pray for plates.  Ace eats a whole chicken leg as Kandi talks about doing a preview dinner thing….again….didn’t we do that last year in some grocery store?

Lake Bailey and Cynthia is having some electrical work down.  Phaedra shows up in something skanky.  Her stylist really should be shot for what he makes me look at.  Today we have painted on jeans with a 4 sizes too small, net, see through shirt.  So, yes, you can see her stomach rolling over the top of the jeans in profile (remember, kids, I watch this shit so you don’t have to).  It’s also army green.  It’s also soo tight at the elbows (where the sleeves end) that her hands are purple.  Dressed by Baby Gap, I guess.  Oh dear God in heaven, I just unpaused and now I have the full frontal view.  It appears to be a leotard with high cut.  So high cut that it ends at the rib cage on the sides….and I get full views of her saddlebag fat on both sides.  Fix it Jesus!  Anyway, Cynthia says the last time Phaedra crossed her doorstep she wasn’t married yet.  She wants to know why she came for Kenya so hard before the fashion show.  Chit chat.  And Phaedra brings up that being divorced is hard, and Cynthia casually drops the bomb that Porsha told them all that it was final.  Stank face and says “Porsha mentions a lot, doesn’t she?”  They even subtitled it!  And Phaedra admits that it’s been finalized.   (NOT.  Her divorce has been divorced from the divorce).  Now she Phaedra says she feels comfortable talking with Cynthia now.  The divorce party made Phaedra question Kenya’s motives.  Phaedra actually says “I didn’t think the text was really bad”.  Cynthia says that she went back to a situation. Phaedea is not upset with Kenya she’s just offended.  Cynthia wants, the spirit of moving forward, them to resolve their differences.  Now Phaedra wants to baptize people.  Phaedra asks what time it is because she has to get to the “schoolhouse”…..Cynthia responds that it is AFTER 5.  Honey, you should have been to the “schoolhouse” about 2 hours ago.  Cynthia has  gotta go too to see about the show.

Commercial – I have to go acid wash my eyes after that Glamour Don’t Phaedra was wearing (back in the day, I used “My Official Real World Eye Gouging Stick”, but I’m an adult now).

On to Porsha, with her Todd, at her new house.  He brought a satchel.  She’s giving him the tour, but he’s “touring her body”….thanks Porsha, I just threw up in my mouth.  In her talking head she says “he just can’t keep his hands off all of this chocolate”, and I did it again.  They sit on the couch, he wants to get handsy, but she wants to talk.  Really she wants to present him with the baby nup.  He’s reading it and shocked.  He asked if Phaedra wrote it up, well, it does look like it is handwritten so I understand his confusion, but the crayon should’ve given away that it was Porsha.  She said Phaedra is mostly against it, but aren’t we all?  She goes on to say that this doesn’t say that they’ll get married, just what will happen if they have a baby before they get married (good fucking grief).  He asking if he’ll be getting any if he don’t sign it, and she says “no”; therefore, giving him the defense of signing under duress that will allow him to get out of any contract.  Idiot.  He’s reading it, out loud.  Things like he must disclose all financial assets, father is responsible for providing 50% of all expenses, 50% education and childcare costs, prospective mother has absolutely authority to travel domestically and internationally at will.  Honey, if you gotta put all that in writing, maybe you shouldn’t be having a baby.  Even right down to HER absolute right to put her child on social media.  And noooow, they fight.  I can’t even follow this foolishness, but Todd is absolutely correct that this only controls his behavior nothing about hers.  He says “If you thought I would say ok to half of that stuff, then I don’t know what you thought what kind of person I am, what kind of father I would be.” (I’m liking Todd more and more).  In her talking head she says she doesn’t understand what his problem is.  He tells her he ain’t signing it, and leaves.  Porsha lets him go without saying a word.

Cynthia’s fashion show is at ST Art Gallery they arrive 4 hours before the show.  She, her partner Kal and Noelle all arrive in separate cars, and Noelle cannot parallel park.  This is Cynthia’s first show as a designer.  Noelle didn’t invite any friends, but Cynthia is glad she’s calm.  1 hour before, Noelle tells Cynthia that Kairo isn’t there yet, even though the call time was an hour before.  Cynthia is freaking.  Generally when models don’t show up on time a call goes to their agent or manager, in this case, she’s calling the Momager.  Cynthia calls Sheree, and Sheree blames traffic…apparently, she’s not escorting him to the show.  Now Cynthia is freaking out.

Commercial – I need to do a personal inventory to see why I watch this shit….

Kairo finally shows and says that he was “waiting on his Mom” but Cynthia throws back that he supposedly left before Sheree.  Cynthia welcomes him and he goes in and talks to Noelle.  She asks if he’s nervous, he says no, and she says he will be.  FUNNY STUPID EDIT MISTAKE:  They show Sheree arrive and after all these scenes with Kairo, Kairo is now standing behind her.  Sheree asks if they’re underground because she heard water when she walked in and thinks “It’s sewage or something”.  Cynthia talking head (and me) “Really Sheree?”  No other HW’s are there yet, Phaedra and Porsha are not coming.  Sheree wants to make sure she has front row “seats”.  Bob is coming too, but she realized after Maui, they ain’t getting back together.  Lots of random celebrities show up.  Sheree is bitching about the lack of A/C to Kal, so he is asking her why Kairo was late.  She says it was 10 minutes and several people were later than him.  He claps back with it was more than 10 minutes.  Then they do cheers and he walks away.  Girls around Sheree say he tried to come for her and she acts like she slayed him.  Kenya shows up, and in talking head, asks if it is the dungeon Porsha was locked up in.  It was packed, standing room only.  Noelle opens, then models, then Kairo.  Sheree says he was killing it “he shut down the runway tonight”. To me, he walked funny and looked scared shitless.  More models, and it’s over.  Cynthia thanks everyone.  Kandi and Kenya talk about how good the show was.  Kandi asks if she heard from Phaedra with an apology or something.  Talking head Kenya “Phaedra lives this life for the public where she wants everyone to think she cares about everyone, and then you got the rachet side.  She’s going continue to do her dirty work behind closed doors.  Knees open.”  Cynthia walks up and hugs and congratulates.  Kandi loved the show.  Sheree shows up.  Cynthia thinks she’s a force to be wreckoned with, not just a pretty face.

Commercial – This recapping thing is hard!  Oh, Kandi on WWHL tonight!

Next up Phaedra with Johnnie Winston….funny, I thought when he came to her, she said she was staying out of it, but I guess not.  Oscar Prioleau Jr, who I guess is a real actual lawyer.  Phaedra says he is the king of employment law. Oscar: Phaedra gave him background.  Johnnie says he hasn’t been paid and some agreement that hasn’t been adhered to.  She has no issues with Kandi, but because Johnnie sought out her help, she’s obliged to help him because she’s a lawyer.  Johnnie shows up and gives his story:  Johnnie apparently invited her to be silent partner in a restaurant, she said yes, but never heard anything from her until she said that she was opening one with Todd – which is the exact same concept he had.  They had nothing in writing, it was all verbal other than the proposal he presented to her.  Then he goes on to say that she also stole “A Mother’s Love” from him – he came up it and Kandi ran with it.  He wants a lawsuit.  Johnnie leaves and Phaedra asks Oscar if he has a case.  Oscar thinks he might.  Phaedra says she wants nothing to do with this or Kandi, or the Factory, or “the Plantation”.

Kenya takes the dogs to some kind of dog shop for King’s birthday, then Matt shows up and she calls him King’s Daddy.  In her talking head, she says she invited him to the birthday…..whatever it is…..because he’s their puppy Daddy.  She doesn’t want anything else from him other than wipe the slate clean and to be friends again.  They look around the dog shop and then sit down to talk.  He says he misses the dogs as much as he misses her (I’m sure there’s a bitch joke in here somewhere).  She tells him that Cynthia told her about their conversation.  He wasn’t pleased with it.  He felt the conversation was about what Kenya wants and what Matt does wrong, he says “no one ever talks about what you do wrong”.  Kenya leaves the shop and Matt follows her along with about 5 production people.  She says this isn’t about each other’s problems.  He’s stalking down the hall and he says “because this is not about your faults.”  Kenya says this is not what I’m here for and he agrees. In talking head she says that he’s taking her back into the anger and negativity.  She asks why is he doing this and he yells “Let me point out some of YOUR faults”.  The dogs are freaking out, and clearly so is production.  If you have any confusion that Matt is dangerous, their response to his following Kenya will clear that right up.

Commercial:  Gird your loins.

Now they’re in a stairwell. Kenya asks why he’s always acting like he can’t control himself.  She can’t with him because it’s always this.  “Everyone tries to talk with you and you always do this.  You ruin everthing  that’s good.”  Matt says “No, I had some thing good and YOU ruined it.  You’re the only thing I care about”.  Kenya: “And this what you call caring about.  Talking loud, not listening. The problem is Matt, I cannot talk to you.” Matt is now sulking on the stairs.  Kenya “I’ve been there for you, I didn’t do anything that can permanently change your life like sending you to jail for your behavior.”  Matt: “Kenya, pull the trigger, it’s clear you don’t care about me.”  Kenya:  “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about you, you’re like a broken record.”  Matt “You’re a broken record because you won’t.say.you’re.sorry.”  He said that in the really angry way that girls who have been there before recognize as right before the smack….but he didn’t hit her.  After bickering that is causing me SERIOUS FLASHBACKS, she said “I’m not the one calling you” and he comes back with “You saying we didn’t have sex in my truck the other night because you wanted to”.  Kenya “Don’t play that game, I’m going to allow myself to move forward because I know you care, but whatever you’re holding on to you can’t get past.”  Matt is now crying.   She begs him to look at her, and she holds his face and says “Baby I can’t do this no more.”  Matt says “ The stuff you say to me it hurts, it hurt bad”….and Matt starts the argument again. Matt says “Go get whoever you need to get to be whole because I’m not the guy.”  She kisses his head and leaves.  She’s done, just has to let Matt go, they’re toxic together, and she has to grow.  And walk away.  Which she does.  Annnnnnnd…..end.

Hope you enjoyed this!  Again, hints and suggestions welcome!

~NoLife