Real Housewives of Potomac Season Finale — Home Is Where the Truth Is

I would first like to apologize for my disappearance the last couple of weeks. I still have no air conditioning and likely won’t until at least July 10. I am hot, I am miserable, and because of that, everything and everyone annoys me. 

So, my deepest apologies for missing the recap of the last episode. I’ve been living in the bedroom in front of a fan (which is the coolest room in the house) watching Netflix on my laptop… I really need to get a television in the bedroom.

Anyway, on to the recap of the season finale. 

Last time, the ladies finished up their trip to Bermuda by going and watching a Cricket match, Charrisse introduced herself as Sha Sha, Robyn didn’t go out on a date like her therapist suggested, Ashley just existed, Monique and Gizelle are still being nice to each other, and after some super snarky comments, Karen and Charrisse talked it out.

We start up back at the unveiling of Charrisse’s champagne room with the ladies still jumping on Karen about this whole “Grand Dame” nonsense. Karen is trying to defend herself and calls Ashley an idiot. Turns out, Karen and DBBG sold their Potomac house and are RENTING the new one. After she drops that bomb, everyone thinks something more is going on with Karen and DBBG. Robyn, in her very cute dress, is just sitting there taking it all in. AAAAAND there it is. Ashley mentions ETIQUETTE! If this were a drinking game, I’d say Drink!! That said, Ashley is not wrong with her comments. Karen remains being secretive and when asked when they can see the house, Karen says “soon.” Which we all know really means “the 12th of never.” When pushed, she says she was thinking of having her 20th anniversary party there, but might not invite everyone. She’s awful. Lord, there’s so much tension. It’s awkward.

After a quick montage of the ladies, we stop at Robyn’s who is cleaning and when Juan comes in she decides to talk to him about her therapy. Juan tells her about a coaching opportunity and there’s a quick discussion about it. Robyn tells him that she was hit on in Bermuda and Juan looks so pissed. Robyn tells him about her therapy dating assignment and he looks upset.

Commercial 1: I baked cupcakes for work tomorrow and made Swiss Meringue buttercream, but it was so hot in the house, it wouldn’t set. I had to put it in the fridge. I’ll be getting up earlier tomorrow to decorate cupcakes. No one is happy about the cupcakes because they are not plain chocolate or vanilla. I made raspberry thyme cupcakes with lemon buttercream. I was told that I was too fancy. Lol… what no one seems to get is that I didn’t make the cupcakes for them. I made them for my coworkers… also, there are plain vanilla cupcakes with chocolate icing in an opaque container in the fridge. Mama ain’t stupid. 

One of the commercials shown is for a new Southern Charm… in New Orleans.

Back at Robyn and Juan’s. He seems upset and Robyn confesses that she wants to spend more time with him. He tells her to do what she wants to do. But he doesn’t look too convinced. It’s a heavy discussion for them. One that’s long overdue. I love them.

In Great Falls, VA, Karen and DBBG are unpacking. The house is nice, but I like Monique’s new house more. They are discussing the party and she suggests a Bollywood party. DBBG suggests an African themed party. Karen says they will compromise and maybe do both. To me, it seems a little much and inappropriate.

Gizelle meeting Kevin for lunch to break up with him. After some small talk, she does it. She breaks up with him. She puts him back in the friend zone. Poor Kevin. He’s really not getting it.

Commercial 2: I EFFING hate this time of year. The neighborhood aholes start setting off fireworks which scare the dogs and makes me nervous about fires. 

It’s amazing how much cooler 7 degrees is. It went from 96 to 89 on the house and is almost bearable.

At the Samuels’ new house, the family is exploring it and Chris says it’s really hot in the house. I feel you, man. Monique has invited the ladies over to see the house and she gives them a tour. Karen has her judgey face on.  Charrisse sages the house to rid it of the bad juju. Karen throws shade about the house and discusses the anniversary party and invites Ashley, but acts like it’s an afterthought.

Charrisse goes to an Indian boutique and asks for Bollywood clothing. She meets Robyn and Ashley. Ashley asks about Karen and DBBG relationship and the ladies start gossiping.

Commercial 3: There are 23 minutes left.  I just realized that my dvr is set to only keep 20 episodes of a show at a time,  which means the last 2 days of Game of Thrones was erased. BALLS!!! Good thing I can access HBOGO on my laptop. 

It’s party time and the ladies are arriving.  Unfortunately for her,  Monique dresses like a Native American Indian, and it becomes awkward!  Robyn looks great in purple, and Gizelle is wearing a gold and red sari.  Love it! Ashley arrives with Michael and her sari is pretty,  but her hair is not. Michael looks like he’s starring in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  If you haven’t seen that movie,  watch it.  It’s fabulous.  So is the sequel.  Anyway, ugh… Michael.

So far,  there’s no Karen, no DBBG, no food, no valet, no drinks. Gizelle is not pleased.

Commercial 4: 14 minutes to go.  Lord am I glad this is the season finale.  I don’t think I have it in me for any more episodes. I’m also all out of Mike’s Hard Lemonades.  Man have those been great over the last couple of weeks in this heat. So refreshing. 

Back at the party,  the ladies and other guests are still waiting on Karen and DBBG to make their entrance.  FINALLY!!! They appear on the balcony like the effing Queen of England and Prince Phillip.  Oh wow… there are Bollywood dancers.  Everyone goes outside where there’s more dancers,  food, and drinks.  They even have henna tattoo artists.

Ashley and Monique are talking about Karen renting the house.  Monique says it’s like rent-to-own. The rent they are paying will go toward the purchase is they decide to buy it.  Ashley is appropriately confused saying that if Karen is married to the Black Bill Gates, then they shouldn’t need to rent to own.

Everyone (Michael and Chris) is talking about how there is nothing in the house and there’s no furniture.

It’s seems like everyone is having a good time.  There’s no fighting, no snarking, just a nice night. DBBG makes a speech and then Karen has to speak. And then they eat each other’s faces. Seriously, ew.

Ashley apologizes to Robyn about pushing her to date and they seem to bury the hatchet. For now.

Rayvin , sanding with her brother, whose name I don’t remember, tells Karen and DBBG that she has a special message for them.  And cut to commercial.

Commercial 4: 7 minutes left.  My nose has been itching all day. That is all.

When we get back,  the message is from Karen’s mother who is not there due to her Alzheimer’s.  Karen breaks down.  It’s very sweet and brought a tear to my eye.

Final thoughts by way of title cards:

Charrisse: Inspired by her champagne room,  Charrisse had renovated her entire home.  She no longer communicates with Eddie. But still hasn’t received divorce papers.

Robyn: Robyn and Juan are finally making time for each other.  She quit therapy.  Still no word if the cheating rumors were true.

Gizelle: Gizelle and Kevin remain friends… without benefits.  She’s now dating a retired basketball player she met at the gym.  “Word on the street” is her mom approves.

Monique: Monique and Chris recently celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary in Dubai and Thailand.  She’s slowly perfecting her Potomac house but has yet to move in. A shark tank has already been installed in the new kitchen.

Ashley: Ashley and Michael’s relationship is still rocky.  The restaurant has yet to break even.  Emu remains on the menu.

Karen: Karen and Ray are enjoying their next chapter together. She’s working on becoming the new Grand Dame of Great Falls… but still considers herself the Grand Dame of Potomac.

Next week is the reunion.  Not sure how many parts it is. I will put up a discussion thread,  but will not recap. 

Now, I want to know when the Dallas version is coming back…. that is an even bigger shit show than Potomac. 

Thanks for reading!
Xoxo,
B&B

Real Housewives of Potomac: Welcome to the Bermuda Triangle (Part Two)

Picking up from where I stopped last night… 

Robyn, Charrisse, and Ashley are off to the beach, while Karen, Gizelle and Monique are off to play sailor on team Japan’s Americas cup sailboat.

After the commercial break, Karen, Gizelle, and Monique are on the bus to the harbor. Karen is trying to get Monique and Gizelle to talk. Monique tries to engage Gizelle who responds with “without your husband and his money, you wouldn’t be here.” Monique is not okay with that. Monique says Gizelle is jealous, and in her talking head Gizelle says she’s not. Those green eyes of hers are the eyes of jealousy. That’s why her eyes are so green.

At the resort, Ashley, Robyn, and Charrisse meet up for the beach. Apparently, they didn’t know the others weren’t joining them. Charrisse snarkily explains that Karen planned an excursion for her, Monique and Gizelle because Monique and Gizelle needed to bond. Robyn, Ashley and Charrisse are not okay with it and decide to have more fun.

Karen, Monique and Gizelle arrive at the harbor and meet up with the American guy who is on Team Japan. Lol. They get on the boat, which means they are on the net on the side. So awesome. I’ve done that in Hawaii and it’s so relaxing. I can pretty much guarantee that it won’t be relaxing for them. Lol. Monique admits she’s afraid of water and doesn’t swim well.

Ashley, Charrisse, and Robyn go jet skiing. If you have never done it, I suggest you do. It’s hella fun.  We do it in Lake Tahoe all the time and that water is FREEZING COLD! Ashley and Robyn take off and Charrisse is tootling along with, as Robyn says, the emergency brake on.

Back with Team Japan, the ladies have changed into wetsuits and helmets and are on their way out to the main boat. Man, they are on for a surprise. That boat is going to fly across the water and I bet the skipper makes them work. It looks like fun, though. Monique says she’s scared and Gizelle is encouraging her and saying it’s okay. I think it’s getting a little cold in hell. It’s Monique’s turn and she’s so scared. She gets on and is moving across when in slow motion it shows her being pushed by the boom (I think that’s what it’s called).

Commercial break 4 — 19 minutes to go: mouse update, we are up to 6. No new bodies in the garage when I got home. So either there weren’t any today or they were already picked up. I also called the gardener and left a message. If he doesn’t call me back by tomorrow, I will call again.

Back in Bermuda, Monique gets hit with the boom and isn’t thrown off the boat. Nice recovery.  Karen and Gizelle are so proud of her.  Gizelle gives Monique a hug when she gets back on the pilot boat and Karen is over the moon about it. Don’t get too excited. I have a feeling it’s not going to last.

At the beach, Robyn, Ashley and Charrisse are chatting and Robyn asks Ashley about the restaurant and Michael. Ashley fills them about the fight before the dinner at the restaurant. Robyn is trying to get to the bottom of the issue. There’s actual serious talk about how strongly Ashley feels about staying with Michael. She says she doesn’t want kids right now. Sounds to me like there’s trouble in paradise.

Back on the bus, Karen, Monique, and Gizelle are congratulating themselves for getting past the Gizelle and Monique issue. Gizelle says the next issue to tackle is the Karen and Charrisse issue. Gizelle makes some good points about Karen not letting Charrisse be a giver. Monique and Gizelle sort of gang up on Karen and mention all the things Charrisse is dealing with. Gizelle says Karen needs to be nice to Charrisse and let up a little.

In Charrisse’s room, she, Robyn and Ashley are with Gregory, Charrisse’s makeup artist. She’s left Karen, Monique and Gizelle notes inviting them on a sunset cruise, that is leaving in 30 minutes. Haha… That’s a little passive aggressive, making it a tough timeline for them. I think that’s mostly about Karen and not Gizelle or Monique. Charrisse, Robyn and Ashley talk about Karen’s boat party last year and Ashley calls it “janky.” Ha! It was kind of lame. Wow. They are totally talking behind Karen’s back and Ashley and Charrisse nominate Robyn to go talk to Karen and let her know that what she did was not okay.

Commercial 5 — 9 minutes to go: I’ve decided Sacramento is the outer ring of hell. It’s supposed to be 100 tomorrow and 107 by Sunday. That really sucks because for Father’s Day, we are going to the Sacramento River Cats (S.F. Giants’ AAA team) game. And of course it’s a 1pm game. I’m going prepared with sunscreen, hats, water, misters, and ice packs. We’re taking my parents and going as a family.  My electric bill is going to be so high from using the air conditioner!!

In Karen’s room, she’s getting ready and Robyn arrives. Robyn’s dress is gorgeous. Robyn immediately asks Karen why the eff she ditched her, Ashley and Charrisse. Karen is already annoyed and argumentative. Robyn isn’t letting her off the hook. Robyn is basically calling Karen fake. There’s a whole exchange where as Robyn leaves the room they are both blowing each other off with the fake niceties. Man, I can’t wait for next week when they show the boat trip!

The production crew leaves Karen’s room to let her get ready and Karen is still talking about how jealous Charrisee is. KAREN YOU ARE STILL MIC’D UP.

Oh man, the previews for next week are so good! The ladies are gunning for Karen. I love it!!!

Thanks again for indulging me with this spilt recap. I really appreciate it! See you next week!

The Real Housewives of Potomac: Welcome to the Bermuda Triangle (Part One)

Once again, I apologize for my lack of recapping last week. It was such a hectic week. Also, please forgive me for splitting the recap in two. There were a few reasons: 1) It took me an hour and a hlaf to get through 30 minutes of this shit show, 2) I couldn’t take it anymore, and 3) it’s 10:40 p.m. and I am tired. I’ll do part two tomorrow!

For those of you keeping up, last week on The Real Housewives of Potomac:

Karen brought Gizelle and Monique together at a lunch to talk things out. Monique brought Charrisse with her as back up.

Robyn started therapy.

Monique threw Milani a carnival party for her first birthday. This occurred at the Samuels’ lake house two hours out of town and everyone BUT Gizelle was invited

Ashley and Michael played Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze from Ghost and made clay pots. Michael made a sexual innuendo comment. He’s gross. Ashley doesn’t want a baby right now

Karen decided the ladies needed a trip, so asked Charrisse to help her plan a trip to Bermuda. Charrisse took that to mean “co-host” and was put in her place by Karen

Oh, and big news of the episode – The Hugers sold their house… but they have nowhere to live yet.

Now, let’s get to the Bermuda trip!

But first, Gizelle is cooking with her daughters. She does seem to be a good mom. Her mom is coming to stay with the girls while Gizelle is in Bermuda, so they are preparing for that. Gizelle’s mom grills her about her dating life. Gizelle has actually decided to break up with Kevin and doesn’t want to tell her mom since her mom loves him so much. Gizelle tells her mom and surprisingly, her mom is supportive of the decision.

As they eat dinner, Gizelle lays down the rules for while she’s gone. Rule number 1: Work on a book report. Rule number 2: Call her twice a day. Rule number 3: Remember to brush your teeth. The girls try to negotiate with her, but she’s not having it. Grandma says there are no rules and the girls are excited about that. Gizelle says she’ll run the house from Bermuda. Gizelle says she’s looking forward to the trip, except for Monique. Cue flashbacks to Monique’s game night. She says oh well, she’ll deal with it.

At the Dixon house, Robyn is cooking and the boys are punching each other. What is it about boys that they have to punch each other all the time? Lordy! Haha! One has more eggs than the other. Robyn has decided not to tell Juan about the assignment her therapist gave her – go out on three dates. She thinks Juan won’t want to hear about it and wouldn’t want her to go. OMG! The older boy just told her to get her hairline fixed and that her wig looks ugly. LOL! Robyn goes to lie down as her son says “girl, bye!”

At the Huger home, it’s 5:30 a.m., and Karen is just getting ready to leave for Bermuda. DBBG asks her if she’s got everything and if she has a couple credit cards. She says yes, his. LOL. In the car, she thinks it’s the last time she’ll see the house and DBBG says she’s escaping all the work. Karen says she packed one crystal cabinet. They’ve found a house in Great Falls, Virginia. Sidenote: WHY DON’T THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE IN POTOMAC???? CALL IT DC, FFS. OR, YOU KNOW… LIVE IN THE TOWN IN THE TITLE! Sorry. Moving on… she hasn’t told the girls yet. Question – now that I’m watching, how is it 5:30 a.m.? It’s pitch black. Here, at 5:30 a.m., there’s some light as the sun comes up. Is it that dark at 5:30 a.m. where you all are? Well, except for the Arizona and Hawaii people, who don’t observe DST… and people outside of the U.S.

Karen is taking about Charrisse thinking she’s a co-host and how Charrisse is wrong. LOL. Oh, it’s getting a little light. But still though…

The ladies arrive at the airport. Charrisse takes a Lyft and looks in her wallet for cash for a tip, but #richpeopleproblems, she only has 50s. So she gives one to the driver. She meets up with Karen for fake hellos. Oh Lord, she mentioned Sha Sha.

The ladies all arrive and board the plane. Monique plans on getting wasted. They arrive in Bermuda to a sign that says “Huger and guests.” Charrisse snarks that is should say “Jordan” and Ashley is “utterly confused” as to who is hosting this event. Bermuda is gorgeous!!! On the bus, they mention that it’s Charrisse’s birthday, but Charrisse mentions that the day before was her and Eddie’s anniversary and she texted him. Haha

At the resort, the ladies check in and Karen says she’s planned a dinner for them. They all go to their rooms. Karen has welcome baskets in the rooms with a note signed by her only. The ladies are confused as to why Charrisse isn’t included and discuss it amongst themselves. Ashley and Monique press Charrisse for info, and Charrisse wonders if there’s a basket in her room. She’s annoyed that Karen is actively excluding her and playing games.

OMG, FINALLY!!!! A commercial. Good Lord, I feel like this show should be almost over. LONGEST. INTRO. EVER. 51 minutes to go.

You guys… I’m in the middle of a war. We have MICE! They have eaten through two, TWO!!!, plastic bins of dog food, so I had to buy a metal kitchen trash can to put the food in. We got a couple of those traps where the mice can crawl in and get the poison and can’t crawl out. However, these effing mice are getting out. Fine, at least they are eating the poison. The downside to that is that I’ve now found 5 mice barely alive on the garage floor. They have been scooped up, put in paper bags, and thrown in the trash. The bad thing is trash day isn’t until Monday, so I really hope they don’t start to smell once they die. Also, I can’t clean this house enough. I feel like they are here because the house is dirty. I know that’s not the case (it’s because of the overgrown backyard), but still. I made a joke about wanting to leave the tiny carcasses where they lay as a message to the other mice. Because of that, I was compared to the Lannisters in Game of Thrones. LOL. I am now Mad Queen Cersei. Haha…. My family thinks they are comedians.

Anyway, back to the shit show going on in Bermuda.

Back in Bermuda, Charrisse opens the door to her room and holy crap, it’s a loft suite! It’s gorgeous and amazing and I want to live there. There is a basket for Charrisse.

Robyn and Gizelle are talking and the conversation leads to Monique. Robyn says (in her talking head) that it’s stupid. Grow up, ladies. Karen is flirting with the bellhop. The ladies head down to dinner. WTF is Gizelle wearing? Hot pink shorts, a black top and knee high boots? WTF? Karen arrives in a horrible dress/moomoo. OMG, she’s hired a dance troop. Charrisse arrives as the dancers are there and dances in with them. LOL. At least she’s having fun. This brings all the other ladies out to dance. They sit down and order drinks and appetizers. Karen mentions it would be nicer if there was a fan above them and Charrisse snarks that if Karen had worked with her, there would have been a fan. Karen’s eyes are rolling so far back in her head. Monique mentions that she was surprised that the gift wasn’t from both Karen and Charrisse and Karen says that it’s only from her because it’s what she does as the host. Good Lord, these women. Karen climbs up to her ivory tower and looks down at the ladies. Ashley throws out my favorite quote of the episode (and we haven’t even had two commercial breaks yet): “Girl, you sure are sweatin a little bit… like a ho in church.”

Karen’s insistent that it’s “their trip” and throws enough attitude to make it awkward. Charrisse says she’s excited they are all together, and that hasn’t happened since Milani’s party. And now the discussion about why Gizelle wasn’t invited. Monique says it was Milani’s birthday and christening and she didn’t want it to be weird. Gizelle says she wouldn’t have come anyway. So much attitude from Gizelle.

The ladies chat and Robyn tells them about the therapist’s dating assignment. Karen snarks in her talking head about it. Monique tells the ladies the Potomac house closes the next day and she’s got to start packing. Karen finally tells the ladies the house sold and….

Commercial 2 – 39 minutes to go: During the cleaning frenzy, I moved the furniture around in the living room. There are two couches. The old red one from my old house and the nice, new La-Z-Boy couch purchased a year ago. I hate the red couch and want to get rid of it. But am afraid there won’t be enough places to sit. So, it stays until the love seat that matches the new couch can be purchased. I also doused the living room carpet with Arm and Hammer pet cleaner powder and vacuumed it all up. The living room smells fresh, but man, it is strong. I’ve sneezed about a half dozen times. Hopefully, it fades a bit. It did get my carpet really clean. Got all the dog hair up… just in time for the shedding to begin.

Meanwhile, back in Bermuda…

Karen is still waffling on telling the ladies she’s moving out of Potomac and is beating around the bush. So, she declines to answer the question as to where she’s moving. Monique says they need to go to Charrisse’s room because it’s two floors and Karen. Is. Pissed!! She snarks about thinking that Eddie cut her off and Charrisse blows off the comment like it was nothing. The ladies go up to Charrisse’s room and are all amazed at the room. Karen is livid. She pulls Gizelle aside and says that as a surprise for the ladies, she’s arranged for them to sail with the “American Cup.” Okay, so, if I’d have recapped last week, you would have known that during Karen and Charrisse’s “planning” session, Charrisse said she wanted to host a boating trip for the ladies while in Bermuda. So, holy bitch move, Karen. Also, Karen, Honey… it’s AMERICA’S Cup. And they aren’t even sailing with the U.S. team. They are going with Team Japan. Thanks to DBBG pulling some strings. But, the caveat is that she can only take two people. Of course, since she’s telling Gizelle, she’s one. Gizelle nominates Robyn to be the other. Karen decides no, and invites Monique without Gizelle knowing. Also, STOP CALLING IT THE AMERCAN CUP. Anyway, she’s meddling and this isn’t going to go well… Monique calls it shady. She doesn’t know it’s with Gizelle.

Charrisse says she’s hired a makeup artist to do everyone’s makeup. Not to be outdone, Karen says she’s got the hair dresser. Who says hair dresser these days? Except my 94 year old grandmother. Charrisse is so annoyed. Charrisse says she has to go to bed and kicks the ladies out of her room. LOL. She’s so over it.

The next morning, the ladies get ready for the beach and Charrisse arrives at Robyn’s room. They chat about dating and the conversation moves to Charrisse and Eddie’s divorce.

Karen and Gizelle are on the bus waiting for the “surprise guest” to go sailing with Team Japan (FYI, they can only do that because they lost and are out of the competition… I looked it up. It’s a rematch between team Oracle (USA) and team Australia) when oh, look who arrives… Monique! Gizelle is shocked and says nothing to Monique. Karen is trying to be peacemaker. Not surprisingly, in a split screen of Gizelle and Monique, they are both rolling their eyes and heads. Karen needs to stop meddling. Gizelle doesn’t even want to go anymore.

Commercial 3 – 29 minutes to go: Brief comment about the America’s Cup. I watched the races when the competition was in San Francisco 4 years ago. It was amazing and fun. We could see team Oracle’s boat from ATT Park while at San Francisco Giants games. I always poo pooed sailing because it seemed like an uppity hobby, but I took a lesson and it was so much fun and now I want a sail boat. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with any boat. Sail boats wouldn’t be the smartest on the river here in Sacramento. But up in Lake Tahoe? Or out on San Francisco Bay? Man, I wish money grew on trees!

Again, thanks for reading this first half, and I will finish the second half tomorrow!

Night, night, Lovelies!

 

 

War of the Darbys 

Image result for real housewives of potomac, kick the trick out

I’m not big on saying Happy Memorial Day. Maybe it’s because Memorial Day isn’t about the living. It’s about honoring those who gave their lives for our country. It could also be that the lesson is so ingrained in me since a lot of my family and friends have been in the military. Anyway,  I hope everyone enjoys the extra day off.

This week, we start immediately with Ashley and Michael arguing. Ashley calls Michael an insane asshole. Michael sees the cameras and tells them no and wants them to go. So the production crew goes ninja and films from a distance. Do Michael and Ashley realize they are mic’d? Just because you can’t see the cameras doesn’t mean we can’t still see and hear you.

And now we’re back to 8 days earlier. Let’s see how it all began, shall we??

Ashley and Brad, her executive chef, are updating the menu. Some of the food actually looks good. There’s cameras there, so it looks like they are going to do some sort of photo shoot. Ashley is explaining the changes and is hosting a critic’s dinner. She’s talking trash about Robyn and Gizelle not owning businesses so they should keep their mouths shut.

The Dixon family arrives at basketball camp. Juan greets the kids and one kid is super excited to see him. Juan really looks like he’s in his element here. Robyn is gushing. It’s cute.

In keeping with the sports theme, Karen arrives at Top Golf and checks in. We just got a Top Golf here. I haven’t been there yet; I am not a golfer. I want to learn, but have no one to teach me and unless I do private lessons; the days and times for public lessons don’t work for me. But I digress… Karen checks in and waits for her guests to arrive. First to arrive is Monique. She is wearing wedges, a boobie shirt and printed shorts. She calls golf clothes old lady wardrobe. Umm, it’s what you wear. Not heels. Apparently, it’s only the day after the PAVE event. Monique thanks Karen again and says it was really informative.

Monique takes a swing from the box at the driving range and misses. Karen has this look on her face that I can only describe as “bitch, please.” Strike two for Monique. One more and she’s out. Oh wait, wrong sport. I’d probably suck at golf. Monique says she should imagine someone she doesn’t like’s head is the ball. And guess what, she hits it. Karen asks whose head… can ya guess? Can ya? Can ya? If you guessed Gizelle, you’d win.

Karen tells Monique she told Gizelle the night before that there was to be no nonsense. She asks Monique what happened and Monique explains. The etiquette queen is not happy and wants to bring everyone together.

Next to arrive is Ashley wearing leggings and heels. She hits the ball first try and Karen asks whose head she was imagining. Ashley tells her what Gizelle and Robyn did at the restaurant and what happened between her and Charrisse. Karen immediately asks what Ashley did. Cue flashback to shopping day. Karen tells Ashley to dial it back and mind her business when it comes to Juan and Robyn.

Commercial 1: I am tempted to not fix any of the million typos on this recap.  They are actually kind of funny. It’s hot and I’m being lazy, so I’m typing this on my phone instead of the computer.

There is a fly in the house and it’s driving me crazy! I need to find the swatter.

At the Samuels house, Chris and Monique are tag teaming and putting the kids to bed. Monique is with little Chris singing a song, and Chris is rocking the baby and singing her a song. Such a nice family moment. After the kids are in bed, Chris and Monique go sit outside by the fire pit and talk about the new house and joke around.

Gizelle and Kevin, who is still listed on the title card as her “friend” arrive at an indoor go-cart racing place. They are meeting Karen and DBBG for a double date. Karen is less than impressed with the place. Gizelle is looking forward to seeing Karen so she can give Gizelle her opinion on Kevin. The four of them get suited up and start racing. Karen is killing it! DBBG is bringing up the rear. Lol

After racing, Karen takes Kevin aside to talk with him. Gizelle is left with DBBG, and calls him Uncle Benz. Hahaha! I love it! Karen and Kevin are chatting while Gizelle and DBBG talk at another table. Karen is firing questions at Kevin and asks him what his intentions are. He says he aspires to be married like her and DBBG. These are questions that a good friend would ask anyone dating his or her BFF. Lord knows, both my BFFs have done this same thing with guys I’ve dated. Except one. 😊 Gizelle is over it and she and DBBG go to find their respective partners.

At the Darby apartment, Michael wakes Ashley. Ashley laments the loss of their morning routine. Michael asks how the photo shoot went and she drops the new menu bomb. Michael looks pissed. He asks about the marketing and Ashley tells him about the critics dinner she wants to have in a couple of days. Negative Nancy… sorry, Michael starts listing all the things that could result from a bad dinner. He realizes that it’s already a done deal and is super pissed. Ashley mentions that she wants to invite the ladies and Michael really doesn’t want that to happen. Michael gives in and Ashley asks if this is how it will be with a baby. Michael tells her no because she’s going to do whatever he tells her to do with “the child” just like he lets her do whatever she wants with the restaurant. That’s not really how it works, Michael. A baby and a restaurant are not even close to being comparable. Ugh, I hate him. He’s the worst.

Commercial 2: I just kicked the dog in the face. He put his toy on the couch and when I went to kick it off for him, he tried to grab it and I nailed him in the face. My poor baby!

38 minutes to go. This is a really slow moving episode. I’m about to open the bottle of Chandon sparkling red. This show drives me to drink. Why can’t I quit you??

When we get back, the ladies are receiving their invitations to the dinner. Charrisse’s reaction is the best. Lol.

At the Dixon house, Corey and Carter are helping Juan and Robyn cook dinner for Robyn’s mom for her birthday. Robyn and Juan are arguing when her parents arrive, but stop before they get to the kitchen. OMG, those boys are so damn cute!

Robyn asks her mom about her history and says she wants to do an ancestry.com thing. Her mom doesn’t seem too in to the idea.

It’s gift time and Carter says if there’s money in the card, he wants some. Haha. Robyn reads the card outloud. There’s definite tenstion between Juan and Robyn.

At the Huger house, Karen is getting ready for her boudoir photo shoot and Gizelle arrives for moral support. Gizelle is wearing a leopard cat suit. The lady of the house is not pleased. As the photographer sets up, Gizelle and Karen talk poses and outfits. The conversation moves to Kevin and Karen says she doesn’t think Kevin is the one. She thinks Kevin is too nice for Gizelle.

When Karen leaves the room, Gizelle starts posing for the camera. Karen comes back in and is not happy. She snarks that it’s not about Gizelle and apologizes to the photographer.  The photos look really good.

Commercial 3: 30 minutes to go. I want to go to the beach. Of course, there are no free weekends until July. Maybe I’ll take a day off work after school is out and we can go. It might be less crowded. We shall see.

Ooohhh, Nashville starts this week! Does anyone watch it? Should we do a discussion thread? I don’t want to recap it because I love it so much, I just want to watch it. But I am always up for talking about it. Let me know what you think.

Back in Virginia, it’s one hour to the big Oz dinner. Ashley is nervous that Michael isn’t there yet. He calls her and she stands her ground saying he needs to be there, it’s a big night and they will discuss their issues later. Apparently he’s sitting outside in the car. Jesus, put on you big boy pants and deal with your business. He’s totally tying to sabotage the event. Ashley goes outside to talk to him and here’s where we pick up from the beginning.

They are arguing behind a car. It’s Michael’s way or the highway. Ashley is finally standing up for herself. She says the marriage is over if he shuts down the event and the restaurant. His argument is “it’s my restaurant.” Oooh, good one, Michael. Ashley walks away and goes back inside. Michael follows her in and asks to talk to her. He leads her back outside. He hasn’t shut down the event yet. Ashley continues standing up for herself and Michael apparently wants an apology. Ashley says no. She’s over it. She says he’s her parent and she walks away again and goes back to the restaurant. I actually feel for her. She’s right. This isn’t a partnership. He’s a dictator. It’s his way or the highway. Poor Ashely. She’s giving herself a pep talk in the pantry.

Commercial 4: 22 minutes to go. I need a nap. I know… It’s only 7:30pm. Maybe it’s a go to bed early and watch Netflix kind of night. Who knew going to church and Target could be so exhausting.

Also, I’m down to 7% on my phone. I hope I make it 22 more minutes.

Back at Oz, it’s 30 minutes before dinner. Michael hasn’t shut it down, but he’s pouting and cutting some papers. Ashley goes over to thank him and he starts in again about her saying she’s sorry. He’s kind of got some narcisstic tendencies. He’s acting like he’s doing her a favor by helping.

People start arriving. There are lots of bloggers there. Chris and Monique show up. Now, Robyn and Charrisse show up and go up in the table. Ashley is gracious and greets them. Karen and Gizelle arrive. Gizelle is already talking shit. Jesus, Lord, she’s awful.

Michael and Ashley welcome everyone and Michael won’t shut up. He’s totally stealing Ashley’s thunder and the ladies notice it. There’s definitely tension between the two. Ashley shades Michael when she finally does get to talk.

Everyone starts eating and Michael is sitting with Monique and Chris. Ashley is with the other ladies. Gizelle is already starting again. And Ashley finally apologies to Charrisse. And tries to explain. Ashley is trying so hard to move on. But Robyn is trying to explain how she feels.

Commercial 5: 9 minutes left. Awww, my phone charger just magically appeared. Okay, not magically. It was brought to me. At this moment, I remember what I forgot to buy at Target. A new charging cord. This one is shorting out and unless you hold it super still, it goes on and off. I do have another one, but it’s the super short car charging cord. Oh well. The show is almost over. I’ll deal.

And were back with six minutes to go. We pick up right where we left off with the ladies, except for Monique, hashing it out on the patio.

Karen says that it seems like there’s something going on with Ashley and she finally fesses up and tells them about having issues with Michael and the restaurant. She says she’s taking it out on the others. It seems like, for the moment, their issues are squashed.

Ashley joins Monique, Chris, and Michael and tells them a little about being outside and her and Michael’s problems. Monique says she and Chris have been there and offers up some advice.

Finally, Ashley says that if Michael keeps disrespecting her like that, she’s not staying in the marriage.

Next time, Monique throws a party for the baby; Monique and Gizelle get into it; Ashley reads the comment cards; and Ashley tells Michael she’s not ready for a baby.

Obviously, I fixed the typos, hopefully I got them all. As always,  thanks for reading!

XOXO,
B&B

The Real Housewives of Potomac – Over the River and Thru the Woods

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Thank you all for your patience. I really appreciate it. It’s been a busy week. Between my whirlwind trip to upstate New York, dinner and the theater to see The Phantom of the Opera with my mom, and just being exhausted, I’m way behind on everything this week. I am so looking forward to the three day weekend.

Let’s get right to it, shall we?

After a break last week, we pick up with Monique arriving at the old house, which turns out to be Chris’ house from years ago. It was the first house they lived in together and she rents it out. She’s going through the property with her assistant/cousin, Hank, who is supposed to be overseeing everything. She finds a few things wrong with the place and she makes it clear that he’s supposed to be handling everything for her.

Off to a day in the life of Karen, who arrives at the PAVE office. I had no idea what it was, but it looks like a nonprofit helping victims of sexual violence. Karen and the founder sit down and talk details about an event. Karen is going to be speaking about her experience. Karen chats with the founder telling her about the self defense course she took with Rayvin. They flashback to the course and her chat with Rayvin about fighting. The founder chick explains her experience of being kidnapped at 17 and Karen shares her story. It’s heartbreaking and I’m not going to recap it. Let’s just say, she was raped in college and it sent her down a bad path. I may have shed a tear. Okay, I did. Hold on while I grab a tissue.

Okay, off to Gizelle and Robyn in the car and they are talking about Ashley. This seems like a throw away scene. But I have a feeling it will turn into something more because…

We’re now at Oz and Ahsley is whining because OMG, she has to do work! It shows her at the register with someone check and mutters “this is’t 20%.” Bitch, people aren’t obligated to tip 20%. Then she’s whining about a refridgerator, and now about how people are calling in sick and she has to cover.

Back to Robyn and Gizelle in the car. Total foreshadowing of where they are going and what may happen… they are talking about Ashley gossiping at Monique’s party. Robyn is pissed and ready to confront her. Ashley is behind the bar when Gizelle and Robyn show up. She’s surprised and seems happy to see them, but Robyn has a “I’m coming for you, bitch” look on her face which causes Ashely to wonder what’s going on. Robyn doesn’t want to sit, she just launches into “stay the f*ck out of my business.” Ashley acts like she doesn’t know what it’s about and then starts to defend herself. They start yelling at each other about fingers in faces – cut to commercial

Commercial 1: A hilariously weird commercial for Million Dollar Listing: New York with the guys in an elevator, and then it’s all Game of Thrones style, then back to them in the elevator taking selfies in their costumes. On another note, I’m still missing a pregnant animal live cam. My life is sad and incomplete without one. Someone find me one, STAT!

Back to the fight at Oz. People are staring and it’s super awkward. What kind of a professional is Ashley to let this go on in her restaurant. Side note: I have tasked my cousin who lives in the DC area to go to Oz and give me a review. When/if that happens, I will let you know what she thinks. Ashley asks them nicely to leave and they are all still talking over each other. I have to say, Ashley’s dress is really cute. I want it. Gizelle won’t let it go and keeps talking… aaaand there’s the use of the episode title. Finally, they leave and are still talking. Ashley calls Michael and tells him what happened. Michael is pissed. I don’t blame him.

On to Charrisse and her daughter whose name I can’t remember…thankfully, the title cards tell me. It’s Skylar. They are shopping and Skylar puts on a pair of brightly colored frames. Charrisse calls her Sally Jesse Raphael which cracked me up. Skylar has no idea who that is. Charrisse is shopping for a journal and Skylar asks her why she needs one. Charrisse starts telling her about therapy. She decides that now is the time to tell Skylar about the divorce. Seriously, you’re going to tell your kid you are getting a divorce in a store? Do that shit at home. Skylar seems to not be too affected by it because Eddie hasn’t been around for a long time. Charrisse is really concerned about Skylar’s feelings, which any good mom should be when telling her kid about a divorce (ahem hubs’ ex). Charrisse is a good mom. Skylar gives her mama a hug and comforts her.

Commercial 2: Commercial for the new Pirats of the Carribean. God, I love Johnny Depp. Have I mentioned how much? It annoys me to no end when the youngin’s claim they love him. Look little girls, until you know the name Detective Tom Hansen, you DO NOT love Johnny Depp. When we were at Disneyland, I mentioned to BFF and hubs that I’d probably tip the boat over on the Pirates ride if he was there doing his Jack Sparrow appearances. Of course, he wasn’t – UNTIL TWO WEEKS LATER. I was devastated when I heard that. Johnny is on my “list.” Along with Matthew McConaughey, Bradley Cooper, Jake Gyllenhall, and Alexander Skarsgard. It’s laminated. Great, now I need to go watch Edward Scissorhands. My family LOVES when I take over movie night. #sarcasm

Back in Potomac, Monique and Chris arrive at a park and they are going fishing. She’s wearing a dress. Who goes fishing in a dress and sandals? She says that she can bait her own hook and take the fish off the hook. Get the girl a cookie! It’s the rule around here… when we go fishing, you bait it yourself and you take the fish off yourself. Of course, the boys are still a bit small, but hey, they can bait a hook with the best of them. We usually take the fish off if they catch one. Don’t want a trip to the ER because there’s a hook in anyone’s fingers. Anyway, they are chatting and reminiscing. Umm, this is fake fishing. Look at how she casts her line. It’s out like 2 feet into the water. I’m such a judgemental bitch – lol. Again, I love their relationship. Chris catches an eel. It’s hella creepy. Good. They are catching and releasing. That makes me happy.

Karen is planting flowers at a community project. Gizelle shows up and they are planting flowers with kids. I love this so much. It makes me miss volunteering with the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I still volunteer FOR the kids, but I don’t work with them anymore. During the break, Karen and Gizelle sit down and Karen invites her to the Pave event. Gizelle accepts and Karen says that she doesn’t know who else to invite. Karen lets it slip that Monique called Gizelle a trick after she left the party. The two of them turn it into a joke and giggle about it.

In Hanover, MD, at Robyn and Juan’s, Robyn is working on stuff for Juan’s basketball camp. She’s trying to make sure all the details are in place. Juan is a little testy and short with her. When he leaves, he goes into another room and it talking to the producer saying he’s too old for this and the producer asks if he wants to get back together. Juan says that if it weren’t for the boys, he’d be gone already. That he wants something more. Someone to share his life with. Through all that, he doesn’t say no. Maybe Robyn just needs to get her shit together so they can reconcile and be together. I still love them, though.

Commercial 3: Ugh… preview for the Captain Underpants movie being released on June 2. Guess I know what I’m going next weekend. Not sure when, though. I already have a packed weekend planned. I am so happy for this upcoming three day weekend. There are no set plans. I plan on cleaning the house, doing laundry, going to church (we haven’t been in a couple weeks), and maybe going to BFF’s for a big bbq on Monday. Maybe… just MAYBE I can sleep in a bit.

Also, there’s still 26 minutes of the show left.

Back in DC, Ashley is meeting her mom and brother for dinner. After ordering they are talking about her brother’s upcoming trip to the Dominican to implement clean water systems. What is it with these people doing all this good? I really hope it’s not just for the show and that they do these things when the cameras aren’t rolling. When her brother asks about the restaurant, she tells them about the restaurant ambush and the shopping confrontation with Charrisse. Ashley acknowledges that she needs to apologize to Charrisse. Then they do shots of boubon.

Robyn meets Charrisse and her (Charrisse’s) online therapist at a restaurant.  Seems like a therapy ambush to me. Charrisse wants Robyn to see therapy as not a bad thing. And it’s not. Most people have seen a therapist at one time or another. Or if not, has someone who can act in that capacity. Robyn doesn’t seem to want therapy. She admits the problem is her. The therapist is asking some good questions and making good points. Robyn seems to be listening, and breaks down. It makes me sad to see. She admits that therapy might be good for her.

Commercial 4: 20 minutes to go. Have you guys seen the previews for the new Love Connection with Andy Cohen? It apparently premieres tonight (Thursday) on Fox. I kind of want to watch it, but not really. Know what I mean?

In DC proper, the ladies arrive at the Pave event. It seems like a big deal. DBBG is with Karen and she looks fabulous in a red dress. I’m wondering if she had her breasts reduced because they don’t look so gigantic. Maybe it’s just the dress. The founder greets them and is wearing a really pretty maternity dress. Until she turns around. It’s cut out in the back. I am not a fan. Karen is nervous for her speech. Ashley arrives in a short silver dress with sequins/rhinestones on the bodice and skirt. Gizelle in a really pretty orange/yellow dress arrives with Robyn, who is wearing a printed dress. Both look lovely. Karen greets Ashley, tells her that she’s invited all the others and asks her to behave herself. Karen greets Gizelle and Robyn, then goes to find DBBG. Robyn and Gizelle go to the bar and get a drink. Ashely comes up to them and says hello. Robyn gives her a cordial greeting and Gizelle doesn’t say a word. Ashely is clearly trying to keep the peace. She compliments their dresses and Robyn responds. Again, Gizelle doesn’t say a word. Ashley leaves to go to the table and after she leaves, Gizelle mentions how short Ashley’s dress it. Gizelle is a total shit stirrer.

Charrisse and Monique arrive and greet Karen. Charrisse is wearing a pink dress, and Monique has on a blue sparkly dress. I like both dresses. A woman walks through the room tapping a xylophone (WTF?) and the program gets started as everyone takes their seats. The housewives sit down. Ashley and Monique sit with Karen and Gizelle, Charrisse, and Robyn sit at another table. AWKWARD!

The speeches begin and an anchor from CNN tells his story. When it’s Karen’s turn, she gets up and tells her story. She starts crying immediately, which of course makes me cry. It’s heartbreaking and sad, and I am so happy that she’s turned her life around and made herself a survivor. I gained a lot of respect for her after this. If anyone is interested in learning more about Pave, the website is www.shatteringthesilence.org. Check it out. Also, check out your local programs. We have one here called WEAVE. You can be certain I’ll be adding it to our list of nonprofits to donate to.

Commercial 5: Thank God. I need to recompose myself. It was a brief moment in the show, but really emotional. OMG, a commercial for The Bachelorette. This one is apparently a trail lawyer and one of the guys says “see you later, litigator.” Do NOT give him a rose! Haha

Back for the final 5 minutes. At the Pave event, the program ends and as Karen sits down DBBG grabs her hand on her lap. The ladies say their goodbyes and all give their talking head thoughts on the event and on Karen.  Ashley and Monique walk up to Charrisse, Robyn, and Gizelle. Ashley greets them and Charrisse won’t even look at Ashley. Ashley asks her to go talk and Gizelle shuts her down. Monique tells Gizelle she’d like to catch up later, since that moment is not the time. Gizelle asks Charrisse if she told Monique to say that. Jesus, Gizelle, just be gracious. She’s trying to start an apology. Gizelle is awful. So awful. Gizelle and Charrisse walk out with Gizelle flapping her jaw the hwole time saying that Monique asking for Gizelles number was weird. Charrisse disagrees.

Karen and DBBG are talking and he tells her that he’s proud of her. It’s a sweet moment between the two of them. Damn it… my opinion of Karen is changing.

Finally, my DVR doesn’t cut off any previews. The ladies go to Top Golf. Ashley is playing in heels. Robyn talks with her mom. Ashley and Michael have a big fight.

Real Housewives of Potomac — Messy Games

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I’d like to thank you all for your patience while I try to make it through a day without throwing up. Sorry if that’s TMI, I have been miserable. It really sucks when you spend your day wondering if that weird feeling in your stomach means you are going to throw up. Plus side… I’ve lost about 6 pounds. Haha.

Anywho… let’s get to the recap. It’s late enough as it is.

This week we open with a continuation of being kicked out of Monique’s house and Robyn, Ashley, and Charrisse standing out front with Gizelle all talking about her being kicked out. Monique wonders where they all are and goes out front. When she asks what’s going on, Ashley says they are just greeting Charrisse and Monique calls them on their B.S. Robyn speaks up and says they didn’t want Gizelle to go and Monique says she didn’t either, but if Gizelle is going to talk trash, then she can go. Ashley, in her talking head, likens Gizelle to a puppy, saying that basically, she needs to be trained. Haha! Monique tries to explain to Gizelle that she comes across as not being interested and Gizelle proves Monique’s pint by saying she just wants to get in the car. Gizelle coldly tells Monique that she hopes she enjoys that evening and tells the others she’ll see them later.

Monique returns to the party and Chris asks if everything is okay. She kind of brushes it off and Chris says he didn’t stand up all day cooking for there to be drama. Haha! I love him. He’s my favorite Potomac husband. Gizelle leaves and the ladies return to the party. Gizelle is still pissed and talking shit in her talking head. I think Monique is right. Gizelle is hella jealous.

Back at the party, Charrisse greets everyone and they all spend the evening playing cards. Which sounds like a fun night. Others arrive and the evening goes on. Ashley stares at Juan while he’s looking at his phone and then leans over to Karen and says she needs to talk to her. Oh Jesus, Ashley… LET IT GO! Karen and Ashley move away from the group and start to try to talk and here comes Charrisse. Ashley goes into the rumors she heard. Karen tries to squash it and Charrisse tries as well. Robyn’s antennae must have gone up because she goes over and Ashley makes a comment about her being the “lady of the hour.” Robyn sits and Karen tells her what they are talking about. Once again, Robyn says that she and Juan are not married or in a relationship and he can date. Ashley doesn’t look convinced.  She’s clearly pissed and admits in her talking head that she’s keeping her composure because Juan is there. Charrisse has Robyn’s back and asks Ashley what she wants her to do. Ashley just wants Robyn to acknowledge it. ASHLEY, LET IT GO!!!! Charrisse, again defending Robyn tells Ashley to let it go and Ashley comes back and mentions Charrisse’s situation with Eddie. Ashley, honey, you are gonna get your ass beat in a minute. SHUT UP!

Karen defends Ashley in her talking head saying that the group needs someone like Ashley who doesn’t back down. Ummm, this isn’t one of those situations. It’s Robyn’s personal life. I swear to the Lord above, every time Ashley harps on something I have “Let It Go” stuck in my head. Charrisse tells Ashley she should be focusing on her own relationship and not everyone else’s. Charrisse is really not having it. Karen tries playing the mediator, but here comes Monique and brings everyone back to the party and they start dancing. Ashley goes to get Juan to dance. OH MY GOD, ASHLEY. Now she’s harping on Juan. Juan tells her no and stays at the table.

Finally, it’s a new day. Karen and DBBG are at the realtor’s office meeting with the selling agent. She’s concerned that the house isn’t selling. And they’ve dropped the price from 2 million to 1.8 million. Karen actually says he house is the best thing since china was invented. If that’s the case, why are you moving? Karen says she’s insulted the house has been on the market that long. When the realtor says that since it’s been on the market so long, the “bottom feeders” are going to start coming. Karen tells her not even to bring them to the front door. Karen is horrified! When the realtor suggests an open house, Karen says no. She also shoots down having a “for sale sign.” No wonder the house has been on the market so long. Karen even says the person who buys the house should be a “snooty bitch.”

Ahhh, commercial. Time to refill my glass of Sprite. I swear, I’ve had more Sprite to drink in the last two weeks than I have had in my whole life.

We’re back with Gizelle meeting rude dude, Kal, for lunch. She goes over her makeup line and she tells Kal he’s going to be her tester today. He doesn’t look happy, but he lets her put the makeup on his cheek. Gizelle tells him her 10-year plan involves a yacht in the French Riviera and telling everyone “F.U. in the butt in a major way.” Her talking head throws some shade at Monique saying she’ll be making her own money. She then brings up Monique’s party and Kal makes a snarky comment about it being a “Thanksgiving dinner.” They talk about the food and Gizelle admits that the only reason she went was to see Monique’s house. She over exaggerates and says Monique has 17 homes. Bitch, it’s 4… 3 more than you have. She shades the house and continues being a bitch. She is very jealous. Now she’s gossiping about Robyn. Ugh… stop. Let it go. Stay out of it. It’s not your business. There are lots of flashbacks in this party. Gizelle keeps bringing everything back to her experience with her ex-husband. Okay, we get it. You went through a nasty divorce, too.

Off to Charrisse out shopping. She’s looking at fancy dresses and jewelry. She’s shopping new gowns for “charity season” because you can’t wear the same dress twice in Potomac. Ashley is supposed to meet her, but is late. Charrisse says she was hella annoyed with Ashley at Monique’s, but she’s going to deal with the situation head on. Finally Ashley arrives and Charrisse is on the fitting room trying on a dress. The first dress is beige and HORRIBLE!Charrisse is kind of cold and Ashley asks her what’s going on. Charrisse doesn’t hold back and says she’s in everybody’s business. Ashley will not shut up and listen. Charrisse calls her “little girl” and Ashley comments back about being treated badly in a marriage for 4 years… clearly a swipe at Charrisse and Eddie’s marriage. Charrisse basically tells her that she’s going to kick her ass. She makes a snarky comment about Michael’s little swimmers being old as Ashley walks out the door. Haha

Commercial 2: I’ve got so much laundry to do this weekend. I’ve got a hair appointment, I need to get shoes to match my dress for the wedding I’m in on the 20th, I need to go to Sephora and get some things, it’s Mother’s Day and we have brunch with my parents and grandmother (Lord help us all). There are not enough hours in the day for everything I need to do.

Back in Potomac, we are doing a quick view of each of the ladies going about their days. We stop with Juan and Robyn going to a radio station where Juan is doing a radio show. The host introduces Robyn as Juan’s “partner.” AWKWARD! Juan shares what’s coming up and Robyn says she’s not going to bug Juan about the rumors. When the hosts ask Robyn a question, she sort of gushes about Juan. It’s so obvious she still loves him!

At Gizelle’s, Charrisse shows up for gossip time. I really like Charrisse’s skirt. Apparently, this is Gizelle’s new house. Does she rent or own? Because that would speak to a lot of her issues with Monique. Also… JEALOUS! They go out back and start talking. Gizelle actually seems like a good friend and compliments her and mentions that she’s got her back and she’s her friend. Gizelle talks about her experience when she got divorced. She actually makes a lot of sense. As much as I hate to admit that. Charrisse tells Gizelle about her encounter at the dress shop with Ashley. Cue flashbacks. She tells Gizelle that she told Ashley that she was going to “Eff her up.” Gizelle bursts into laughter and then does the whole “this isn’t funny” while laughing thing. They talk about Robyn and say that when they say something, they are doing it in support of Robyn.

Commercial 3: Preview for the Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn movie. Have I mentioned how much I hate Amy Schumer? I am so exhausted. I need a vacation. I mentioned Hawaii and got a “that’s an idea.” Truthfully, what I really want is to go to Hawaii, sit by the pool or on the beach with a fruity umbrella drink and a book, and do nothing but read all day. This may sound snobby, but I’ve been to Hawaii so many times, I’ve done all the typical touristy stuff, so I don’t need to leave the hotel grounds to have a good vacation. Though, if we can’t do Hawaii (we did just spend a crap ton of money at Disneyland), a week up at the cabin would be fine, too. We’ve got a beautiful deck I can sit on with a book and a glass… okay, bottle… of wine. The littles can go fishing and swimming  at the lake, there are hiking trails to explore, and lots of adventures to have. It’s a good place to make family memories. And it’s a place I’ve gone to all my life and have the same kid memories.

Anyway, enough of the sappy sentimentality…

Monique and Chris arrive at the Pastor and his wife’s office (the Pastor’s wife is their realtor) and they sit down to sign papers for the Potomac house! They got it the gorgeous house! Yay!!! Now they have 5 houses. Holy cow! They are paying $4.75 million CASH for the house. Must be nice. Hey Gizelle, could you do that? The Pastor starts a counseling session and Monique mentions Gizelle. She says that Gizelle reminds her of Chris’ mom and she starts to cry and get upset. The Pastor says Monique owes Gizelle and apology because she is a Woman of God. Basically, he’s saying “be the bigger person.” Ahhh, life lessons.

Karen and DBBG leave the house and basically says she compromised on the Open House issue with “scheduled showings.” At the house, the people looking at the house don’t seem impressed. They are asking about renovating the kitchen. The counters aren’t marble, the people want to know if the price is negotiable. Karen seems to think the house is perfect and anyone who buys it will want to do nothing to improve upon it. The people looking at the house don’t like it. Haha. She calls it “dated.”

Commercial 3: 14 minutes left. I know it’s only 9pm, but I am exhausted. Also, now that there is no pregnant animal live cam to obsess over, my life is meaningless and boring. I need a cute animal to obsess over. Someone save me!

At Charrisse’s, she’s wearing a white dress and a tiara. The tiara looks like one of Cinderella’s tiaras at the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique in Fantasyland. OMG, it’s only been a month and I am ready to go back to Disneyland. With no kids. Haha. Anyway, Gizelle shows up and Charrisse introduces Gregory, her new assistant. Gizelle asks about the tiara. LOL! They pre-game and plan what they are going to do about Robyn and Juan. Apparently, Robyn is on her way over and they are going to do an intervention. I love how Robyn comes dressed so casually in jeans and flat sandals while Gizelle is wearing heels and Charrisse is wearing a freaking tiara! Charrisse takes them  into the “Champagne Rooms” which is bare walls and cement floor. She shows them a photo of what it will look like. Robyn, in her talking head, is like “dude, this is ridiculous.” She’s obviously the one who is the most grounded.

Charrisse goes right into the Ashley situation. She tells Robyn about the shopping trip and Robyn is already annoyed. Robyn says she pulled out of the event she agreed to do with Ashley. Sounds like Gizelle, Charrisse, and Robyn are over it. Gizelle asks Robyn how she feels about the Juan situation. Robyn is tired of it. The horse is dead. Stop beating it. I get that Gizelle and Charrisse want what’s best for Robyn, but just stop.

Commercial 4: There’s not even 5 minutes left in the show. No need for a commercial.

Back at Charrisse’s, Robyn is doing her best to shut the conversation down. But Gizelle won’t let it go, either. She says their relationship is working for her and they should respect that. Robyn obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. Her friends should respect that.

Sorry all. DVR cut off before the previews. Thanks for reading and again, I apologize for the delay in getting this watched and posted.

XOXO,

B&B

The Real Housewives of Potomac – Kick the Trick Out

Image result for real housewives of potomac, kick the trick out

Good evening from the seventh ring of hell – I mean lovely Sacramento!! Anyone who has lived in Sacramento for any number of years knows that while there are four seasons, Sacramento only has two. Winter and Summer. Fall and spring make brief appearances for about two weeks. Whelp, that two weeks of spring is up. We’ve now moved into summer. It was an overly warm 87 degrees here today. And it’s only going to get hotter. The news is forecasting 90 degrees this week. Lord, please can we not have a month of 100+ degree weather, this year. If I wanted that, I’ve live in Vegas. I’ve had the air conditioner on for two days now and am really missing my house in downtown Sacramento since it had big trees, cross winds and was right by the river, so I received the affects of the lovely delta breeze. Oh and ceiling fans. Lots of ceiling fans. *Note to self – add “purchase and install ceiling fans in living room and master bedroom” to the “Honey-do list.”

Anyway, let’s jump right into tonight’s recap, shall we?

Last time on The Real Housewives of Potomac: Karen’s special snowflake children made brief appearances. Rayvin won’t eat Philly cheese steaks and Brandon thinks his mother is ridiculous; Monique and Chris look at a gorgeous new house to buy; Robyn ponders her relationship with Juan; Charrisse talks to her therapist about the divorce; Gizelle tries to shade Monique, but has probably met her match; and little Ashley wasn’t significant enough last week to be included in the recap.

This week, Monique gets the opening sequence! Yay! She’s invited the ladies and their husbands (Juan is there!!) over for a barbeque and to play cards. I want to be her friend. I think we’d get along great. She seems so down to earth and “normal.” But then again, this is her first season… When she goes in the house, she comments to Ashley and Gizelle that they must not like the heat since they are inside with the air conditioner. Uhh, Monique, I love ya, girl, but I’ve been to the DC area in the summer. It’s hotter and more humid than balls outside. I’d be in the house, too. Ashley opens her big mouth and says they are engaging about whispers about her. Monique immediately calls out Gizelle and tells her not to be disrespectful in her home. Gizelle tries to say she’s not, but Monique isn’t having it. Ohhh, something new for the Housewives! A rewind. Looks like this encounter is the culmination of the event, so we’re rewinding to the beginning. This is exciting!

At the end of the rewind, we get the usual fly over of the golf course, but Monique still gets the opening scene. And it’s one week earlier. Monique arrives at an event planner’s office in her white (what looks like a) Bentley. She’s planning a barbeque and cards night, where they will play Spades. I love Spades. BFF and I play it with the littles. Anyway, there’s a flashback to the Hookah event where Monique invites the ladies to the house for the barbeque and cards. Apparently, though, she needs an event planner to help her get everything together and decorated. OH NO! Their offer on the house was rejected! Monique says the owners were “insulted” by the offer. In her talking head, she says how “bougie” people in Potomac are, and she knows people with a lot more money who don’t act that way.

Monique downloads her opinions on the ladies to her assistance/cousin, and tells him it’s okay to flirt a little with Charrisse, and to stay away from Gizelle. Monique is trying to be the bigger person by inviting Gizelle to the party and giving her another chance to really get to know her and see her with her family.

On to Charrisse. Charrisse is over at her friend Amber’s house and thanks her for allowing her to meet her rich friends. Um, okaaaay. Oh, wait. In her talking head, Charrisse explains she’s the president and member of the National Basketball Wives Association and Amber is hosting an event for her. Charrisse is apparently trying to get the organization in order for the next president. Now that she and Eddie are divorcing, she wants to let go of all the “wife stuff.” The ladies she’s with say she can’t leave and she leaves it up to fate by shooting a basketball. If she makes it, she stays; if not, she goes. Of course she misses. And calls herself Sha Sha. Oh please, God. No. Not Sha Sha. Charrisse is really happy about missing the shot. Also, this woman, Amber, has an indoor basketball court in her house.

Over in Virginia at Oz, Ashley is going over some business details with manager, Jason. The restaurant looks half empty. Jason says this has been one of the slowest weeks and it’s gotten worse each day. Ashley gives a heavy sigh and we see Robyn looking super cute in white jeans, t-shirt and super cute red heels walking in. Man, I miss wearing heels. Ever since my car accident in December, I haven’t been able to wear any of my cute shoes. My ankles start hurting after a few minutes. Makes for some weird looks when you are 5’1 and you’re standing next to someone who is almost 6’5.

Robyn orders a drink called a Painkiller. Looks like Robyn is there in a professional capacity and is offering her PR services to Ashley. She tells Ashley she checked out the reviews, and Bravo actually shows one. It’s a one star review saying DON’T go to Oz. Ouch! Robyn offers up some advice about revamping the menu, doing more events, including DC Pride. Ashley makes a gross sexual comment about her vagina… can we ever get through an episode without her talking about how sexually turned on she is by things that shouldn’t turn ANYONE on? Ashley moves the topic to dating and says she wants to see Robyn dating and not let herself go to waste. Ashley doesn’t seem too fond of Juan. Robyn’s not too happy. Ashley just keeps it going, though. And Robyn’s clearly pissed. In her talking head, she asks if all Ashley did was find a rich man to “sail the seas with” and says that’s “gold digger-ish.” Yeah, it kind of is.

Finally. Commercial. Today was the first day I’ve felt human again. I was knocked out by some super bug since Wednesday evening. I got home from work Wednesday and could not stop throwing up. I seriously could not keep anything down for about 18 hours. I had a fever, the chills, and sweats. It was so bad; my mother drove up from the San Francisco Bay Area to help out. So today, I ran a couple of errands, went to Target and the supermarket. I won a contest a few weeks ago and received two $25 dollar coupons for fresh seafood from the seafood counter at the market, so I bought $35 worth of scallops and used one of the coupons for that. Made a delicious dinner of seared scallops, mixed veggies and crescent rolls. I have enough left over for lunch tomorrow. I also bought a new ice cream called “Enlightened.” It’s 60 calories per half cup. I’m looking forward to trying it. I hate that it’s so late on Sunday because I finally have the energy to get things done around here.

Back in Potomac, we have a brief montage of Gizelle failing at yoga, Ashley failing at entering reservations into the system at the restaurant, and Robyn calling the boys downstairs. In Richmond, VA, Karen is with her sister who is criticizing her driving. Ahh, sisters. They are on their way to their parents to visit their mother, who is turning 70.  Aww, so sad. Her mother has dementia. I might cry through this. We’ve been through this in my family and currently my grandmother is becoming very forgetful and my mother is her caregiver. So, I can absolutely sympathize with Karen. Damn you, Bravo. Why you gotta humanize Karen? I think Karen looks good. Very casual in a mustard yellow shorts jumpsuit and long wavy hair. Quick stop at the bakery to pick up the cake for their mother. It’s very pretty. Very simple. I love this sisterly relationship.

On a rainy summer day, Charrisse is hosting her NBA wives event. Robyn and Juan, and Monique and Chris are invited. Juan is very handsome. Robyn looks great in a red dress. Charrisse says she likes Robyn and Juan’s situation better than her’s and Eddie’s. Um, yeah. I would too. Monique and Chris arrive and they are so sweet. She helps him put his coat on and he tells her she looks beautiful. They enter and greet Charrisse and Robyn. Juan and Chris greet each other and start chatting. They seem to be getting along. Monique is droning on and on about the kids and their ailments. She’s a sharer.

Commercial number two: I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. Also, I need a house with a pool. Like No Life, I hate Amy Schumer. I do not find her funny. I find her annoying and she tries too hard. Oh, yay! The Nationwide commercial with Leslie Odom, Jr. from Broadway’s Hamilton. I wish I could have seen the original cast in NYC. I have tickets in July for the San Francisco production. I’m so excited. Happy birthday to me!

We pick up at the NBA Wives event with Charrisse giving her speech saying she is losing a name and will no longer be Charrisse Jackson-Jordan. Seems like in the middle of the speech she realizes she’s off the rails and reins it in by thanking everyone for coming and inviting them to eat. At the table, Monique asks about Robyn and Juan and starts telling them about how she met Chris. Robyn says they are a good example of marriage. Juan says they should have waited to get married. Monique asks if they might get remarried. Juan says they get along really well. Monique wants to know more. Me too. Me too. Robyn, Juan, Chris, and Monique end up on the basketball court playing around. It’s so cute.

Finally (?) we get some Gizelle. She’s lunching with some ladies about Gizelle’s new makeup line. Her business partner talks about how Gizelle hated her in college and how mean Gizelle was to her when she was try8ing to get into Gizelle’s sorority. Okay, that explains a lot. She calls Gizelle the “Grand Dame” of the campus. No wonder Gizelle thinks she can haze Monique. Back to business talk, they are discussing foundations and swatching them, getting the website up and running, and the models for the website. Gizelle says she wants to set an example for her three daughters. Oh Lord. In her talking head, she says she doesn’t want to be defined by what a man has given her, like Monique who just want to say she has… blah, blah, blah.

Back in Richmond, Karen is coordinating dinner and seating everyone at the table. Special Snowflake Rayvin is there holding a cute little baby. DBBG is also there looking quite dapper. Karen’s mother and sister arrive and Karen gives her a huge hug. Her mom is adorable. Karen’s father had a stroke and is recovering, so he’s not there. Goodness, I wish nothing but health for that family. Karen asks her mother who’s older, her of DBBG, and she says DBBG. Karen’s mom seems to be remembering a lot and having a good day. This makes me happy. Though, I doubt Karen would have let Bravo air this is her mother was having a bad day. Her mother says Karen was demanding, and they are having a good laugh. Karen chokes up in her talking head.

Commercial three: The dog is licking my hand. I think he has to go outside. Oh, nope. He just laid back down. Guess he just wanted to give kisses. There is a little gnat buzzing around me and it’s driving me nuts. I just noticed the Star Wars light up Mickey Mouse ears from Disneyland are sitting on the coffee table. Guess I’ll have to put those up in the closet so they don’t get broken before we go back again. I just checked the DVR. There is still 25 minutes of this show to go. You know what makes me laugh… the tourism commercial for California that air here. Umm, I live here. I don’t need a commercial to tell me where to vacation in my own state.

At the Samuels’, Monique and Chris are prepping for the party. Chris is manning the barbeque. Gigi, Monique’s friend is helping out. Monique and Chris are doing all the cooking. While she cooks, Gigi asks how Alabama was, and we flash back to Monique’s time with her mother-in-law.

At Gizelle’s, she’s baking some popovers and Robyn shows up. Robyn tells her about Charrisse’s event and recaps the speech and the awkwardness. Gizelle actually has Charrisse’s back about the divorce, but then asks about Monique and Robyn says she talks a lot. Robyn can’t handle the amount of talking. Robyn is so over talking about her relationship with Juan. Gizelle says she’s going to go, but not have any expectations. Gizelle also says she’ll have an open mind, but in the same breath says it’s Chris’ home, not Monique’s.

Back at party headquarters, Monique and Gigi are gossiping about the ladies and Monique says they are all older. She gives Gigi the scoop on Gizelle and mentions the “I have four houses” comment again and Gigi asks if Gizelle is a renter. Hahahahaha! It’s funny, though. The people across the street are renters and I hate them! Granted, it’s probably because last summer while we had friends over, they put a note one of the guests’ car asking them to not park in front of their house. Aholes, please. It’s a public street. Your driveway wasn’t blocked. Maybe if you actually used the big empty garage you have to put a car in, you wouldn’t have to leave passive-aggressive notes on my friends’ car. Monique tells Gigi that maybe Gizelle wants her life. Hell yeah. That’s what I’ve been saying for weeks.

Commercial are coming faster, now. Preview for the new Guardians of the Galaxy. Going to have to see that first to decide if it’s okay for the boys.

Game night is starting and Karen and DBBG are the first of the ladies to arrive. Karen likes Monique and says she’s glad the Samuels are looking for a home in Potomac. Gizelle arrives with Kal, her hair stylist/friend. She says she brought Kal because it’s nothing but laughs and shade. Ah. That’s why she brought him. To talk shit about Monique. Monique graciously greets them and introduces them to everyone. Juan and Robyn arrive. Monique is super excited. Gizelle is already throwing snarky comments at Monique and others about how much Monique actually cooked. Monique asks if anyone knows if Charrisse is coming and says she’ll call her. Gizelle immediately says to call her tomorrow, almost as if she doesn’t want her there. Uhh, okay.

Monique is chatting with her guests as Gizelle and Kal stand in the kitchen talking about how she never stops talking. Calling her a faucet that never cuts off. How rude to do that in her own house. What assholes. Gigi hangs back inside, and we cut to Ashley and Michael arriving. They greet everyone. Gigi calls out Gizelle and Kal for whispering about Monique in her house and says it’s rude. Okay, we’re back to the opening scene when Monique walks in and Gigi says they are talking about Gizelle and Kal whispering about her. You go, Gigi. Way to have your friend’s back. Kal rudely calls Gigi “RiRi,” like he doesn’t know her name and tells her to back off. That they were whispering about how lovely her home is and how they liked the fish tank. Kal says Gigi needs to mind her business. Monique has Gigi’s back. Gigi goes outside Gizelle and Kal are still talking shit. OMG, I want to punch them both. That is so rude! Ashley walks in and greets them. She tells Gizelle and Monique that it’s tense between Robyn and Juan and then tells them about the rumors she heard. Monique says she’s not gossiping and leaves, which allows Gizelle to start talking shit again. Another of Monique’s friends tells Monique what Gizelle just said and Monique goes back inside. It’s throw down time. I’m 100% on Team Monique. Monique lays into Gizelle and is ready to slug her. Monique tells her that she acts like she doesn’t want to be there, so she should just leave.

Final commercial of the night with six minutes left. I really want some ice cream. The house is quiet. I think I’ll get up and get some. My ear itches. And my foot is asleep.

With four minutes left, we rejoin the party where Monique is asking Gizelle and Kal to leave her home. I wouldn’t stand for it, either, Monique. Monique goes back outside and Chris asks what’s wrong, so she tells him. She says this is three strikes and she’s done with Gizelle. Robyn gets up and goes to catch Gizelle who says she apologized to Monique. No, Gizelle. You didn’t. It was a Housewives apology. “I’m sorry if you felt …” Gizelle is still shading Monique and in the backyard, Karen asks if Gizelle got thrown out of another party. Flashback to season one, when Charrisse threw her out of her house. Monique doesn’t seem surprised.

In defending herself to Robyn, Gizelle throws Ashley under the bus and tells Robyn about the Juan rumors. Robyn is super upset. The games in the back get underway and Ashley goes to get Robyn, who asks her about the concerns and the rumors. Ashley confirms it and Robyn tells her that she and Juan are not a couple. As they talk, Charrisse shows up and awkwardness ensues. She immediately hugs Robyn and starts to cry. Charrisse, Robyn, and Gizelle hug her. Charrisse is having a hard time with the divorce. Gizelle starts telling her that she got kicked out of the party. Monique gets up to see what’s going on out front and asks what’s going on. Ashley gives a B.S. answer about greeting Charrisse and Monique immediately calls her on it.

TO BE CONTINUED…

In between cleaning up from dinner, taking out the trash, having side conversations, getting lunches ready, getting ready for bed. Who’d have ever thought it would take me two hours to watch a 40-minute long (skipping commercials) show.

As always, thanks for reading.

Good night and sweet dreams, Lovelies!

B&B

The Real Housewives of Potomac – Mother Knows Best

Image result for real housewives of potomac season 2 cast photo

I’m super behind on this season of The Walking Dead, so I spent the last hour watching an episode. As much as I loved the show in the beginning, it’s lost its luster for me. It’s the same thing, week after week, and there’s very little progress in the story line. Don’t get me wrong, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is an awesome Negan (if you’ve watched the whole season, please don’t spoil it for me, I’ve got four more episodes to go) and I have never rooted for a bad guy so hard. But, this isn’t a recap about the Walking Dead; it’s about the Real Housewives of Potomac. My point is, after watching the blood and guts of TWD, I need some mindless TV to reset my brain. So… here we go.

Last time on The Real Housewives of Potomac, Monique was belittled by her mother-in-law, Karen’s vapid daughter came home and you’d have thought it was the second coming of Christ, Charrisse turned an office into a Champagne Room, and all the ladies went to The Preakness, where Gizelle just about jumped the guy who was helping them place their bets.

This week, we open with Gizelle picking her mom up at the airport. Why is Gizelle always the opening housewife? Gizelle is telling her mom about Kevin and her mom seems happy about that.

Next on to Karen and Dr. Black Bill Gates (DBBG). It’s date night and they are at dinner. They are discussing house hunting and there are flashbacks to them looking at another house. Karen walks out of the house after seeing the master bedroom. I will say it again… I would NOT want to be her realtor. Karen shifts the conversation to her, asking DBBG if he likes her outfit and is upset that he didn’t mention that he liked it earlier. Oooh…. Karen was married before! There’s an old photo of Karen and it looks NOTHING like her. Holy plastic surgery and (obviously) giant boob job! Apparently, the oldest, Brandon, who we haven’t seen on the show, is not DBBG’s. Karen applauds them for raising two kids and says she’s not worried about seeing them every day, but she misses them. Lord, my mother freaks out when I go three days without calling her. And everytime we go to visit, she wants it to be a weekend event. Woman, we live 75 miles away. It takes an hour and half to get there. Going to visit for a few hours is fine. But I digress… Karen tells DBBG that she’s looking forward to the next few years and DBBG asks her to dance. Okay, they are cute. Damn it.

Off to Charrisse’s house. She’s on the phone with the party planner about her daughter’s Sweet 16 party. As she’s on the phone, Ashley arrives in her white Porsche. To me, the tiny Porsches are so 80s and they make me want to blast Huey Lewis and the News, and watch something like Wall Street, or some other pretentious character/storyline 80s movie.  Charrisse explains some of the plans to Ashley and Ashley asks who is doing the food and volunteers Oz to cater. Charrisse is blindsided and if Ashley were observant, she would see that by the look on Charrisse’s face and her “huh,” the answer is no. But Charrisse is trying to be supportive and says okay. Ashley asks is Eddie will be there. Charrisse changes the subject and says Monique is on her way. When she arrives, they immediately start talking babies, birth control, and pulling out.

Monique starts downloading the Alabama trip to the ladies and tells them about the showdown with her mother-in-law. Ashley suggests a hookah night for the ladies and she and Charrisse start talking about the ladies and how they are a fun group. Ashley goes and mentions the Gizelle was talking crap about Monique bragging about her houses and Monique is like “Whaaaaa???” Ashley is totally defending Gizelle. Monique doesn’t have time for that.

Commercial: I’m looking out the front window and see that even though we mowed the lawn and pulled the weeds, the bushes were not trimmed. The yard looks unfinished. But, we ran out of room in the green waste bin. So, that’s got to wait two weeks. I really hate that green waste is picked up on alternating weeks. Dude, I got stuff that needs to get out of my yard! Luckily, this week is recycling and I’m slowly tossing stuff out from the garage. This week, it’s another animated Christmas deer that my grandmother gave me years ago. They are creepy and they don’t stand up. I should have just tossed all three when I moved into this house. Two down, one to go.

And we’re back!

We’re out at Robyn’s mother’s house and the boys are with her. I can’t get over how cute they are. Even when they are being boys and gross. Ahhh, life with two little boys… Robyn’s mom asks about the new house and Robyn tells her parents things are okay. She voices her hesitation about getting married again. Her dad reinforces her concerns about Juan’s cheating. Her mom asks if she thinks it could happen again. Her parents are wise people.

On to Charrisse and her daughter, Skylar. They’ve arrived at the party venue and it looks really nice. Oh Jesus… she mentions Sha Sha. Please God, no! Skylar is getting ready Charrisse can’t get over how big she’s gotten. Charrisse greets Ashley who wants to see how things are going with the food. As the servers offer food, the pretentious Potomac princesses say they don’t eat bacon. Ashley wants to know who doesn’t eat bacon. I’m with her! I would put bacon in everything, if I could. OMG, she actually sent kangaroo sliders. These kids aren’t eating any of the food and poor Skylar is going to be humiliated when word gets around that the food was shitty.

Skylar is introduced and makes her entrance in a super short orange dress. It’s almost like I’m back in the late 1990s/early 2000s watching My Super Sweet 16 on MTV. Good Lord, I didn’t know people still did parties like this. Everyone there is wearing white, except Skylar and Ashley. Uh oh… Eddie showed up. Ashley wants to meet him and asks if Charrisse will go with her to say hello. Without saying it, Charrisse is like “oh hell no!”

Commercials: Potty break and time to make a cheese and cracker plate. I’ve got a face staring at me because he wants some, but dude, don’t eat my snack! Ugh… fine, I’ll slice some more. Now, leave me alone. Mama’s got a show to watch! (I promise I’m not a bad mom… it’s a school night. Time to wind down before bed)

When we come back, Charrisse voices my earlier thought about Ashley wanting her to say hello to Eddie. Ashley notices the tension between Charrisse and Eddie and Charrisse ushers her out of the room. Charrisse starts a speech and starts to cry, which is really sweet. Eddie just stands to the side in the back of the room. Charrisse thanks her daughter for being her daughter and presents her with a trip to Tahiti. Charrisse muses that the divorce isn’t just between her and Eddie, it’s the family. Divorce is hard, yo. I can only imagine what it’s like when you have a ton of money.

Monique and Chris arrive at a gorgeous house with their realtor. It has six bedrooms, seven bathrooms and costs just shy of $5 million. Do you know what I could do with five million dollars? College funds, bigger house, philanthropy. I hope that they use some of their money for those in need. As I step off my soapbox, Monique and Chris enter the house. It’s just a gorgeous inside as it is outside. It’s very country, and I love it. Woah! The kitchen is huge. It’s a dream kitchen! I’m in love with this house. I want this house. And it has a pool. Where can I get $5 million to buy this house? Chris loves the house and they are going to put an offer in.

Off to the lunch with Gizelle, her mother, and Kevin. Kevin’s got a nice house. I doubt Gizelle would live in it. She’s wearing a cute pink dress. Kevin gives her mother a huge hug and doesn’t let go. It’s an Eden Sassoon hug. Gizelle is obviously uncomfortable. Kevin introduces his son, Kevin, and Gizelle’s mother immediately mentions that there has to be someone she can set him up with. Ugh.

Kevin serves the lunch, all made from scratch and also presents both ladies with gifts. He wishes them a belated Happy Mother’s Day and Gizelle has a weird look on her face, like she’s not pleased. In her talking head, she says that when someone is that perfect, she wants to look for the buried bodies. Girl, just go with it. The perfect guy is out there. It may take 20 years to find him… or maybe it took you 20 years to marry him, but he’s there. And it sounds like it’s Kevin. Please don’t screw this up. As they eat, they all chat and mama throws down some wisdom. They’ve been friends nearly half their lives. Umm, I don’t wanna watch. This woman could be talking right to me.

Commercial: Commercial for La La Land. Did anyone see it? I loved it. I may or may not have pre-ordered the Blu-ray and bought the soundtrack. Is anyone going to watch the NatGeo show about Einstein? It looks interesting.

We come back to Karen who is meeting her son for lunch. He’s very handsome. She immediately starts in on why hasn’t she seen him, he lives 20 minutes away. OMG, woman. He’s 27 years old. Cut. The. Cord. She is a meddling mother. She tells him that he can eat off her plate and says the service is bad because she has to pour her own water. Brandon tells her that she can pour her own water. Haha. I like this kid. She tells him how much she hated the house with the crapper in the dining room. He’s totally calling her out on her pretentiousness. Good for him. At least one of her kids is down to earth. I bet he’ll eat a Philly cheesesteak. Oh, BOOM! Every kids response when their mother nags about not calling: You can call me, too. You have my number. I can’t tell you how many times I say that to my mother. And my grandmother. Karen wants to fire Siri. God, she’s vapid.

Ashley arrives at the hookah lounge, her hands fill of bottles. She’s shown to the table and Monique arrives looking wonderful. Next to arrive are Charrisse and Karen, then Gizelle. She greets everyone but Monique. What a bitch. Robyn arrives last and brings a half full bottle of Ciroc. Gizelle immediately jumps all over her for that. Bitch please. While I wouldn’t show up with a half empty bottle of vodka, as least she brought something. If she hadn’t you’d be bitching about that.

The ladies are hookah-ing (is that what it’s called?) Karen is judging them all for smoking. Monique mentions that the bottle of wine she brought used to be $250, but is now $70 or $80. Gizelle throws some side eye. Karen compliments her on her rap skills and Monique mentions that she “spun a rap” to President Obama. Gizelle wants to call Michelle Obama and ask her. Monique talks about the Obamas and Gizelle is pursing her lips with unapproval. She is SEETHING with jealousy. Charrisse mentions that Skylar is friends with Sasha Obama, which opens the door for Ashley to mention that Eddie was at Skylar’s party. Charrisse is not amused and is super annoyed with her. The ladies jump to Charrisse’s aid and say it wasn’t about her, but Ashley just can’t let it go. She likens Eddie to “Bigfoot in the Himalayas.” Umm, honey, that’s a Yeti. Bigfoot is out here on the west coast. OH. MY. GOD. Ashley. Let it go!

Commercials: Tonight on WWHL, Ashley is on. I might watch it.

Back at the Hookah Lounge, the ladies are still talking about Eddie. The conversation moves to dating and Charrisse says she’s been celibate to two years. Robyn loves this and calls her dusty. Hahahaha! Eat that, Gizelle. Charrisse wasn’t doing a fireman. Charrisse tells the story of how she once had a swollen vagina (tutu) and lied that she was stitched up throughout high school and couldn’t have sex.

Gizelle changes the subject asking if anyone wants to share and homes in on Monique saying that they all know she likes to talk about herself. Monique isn’t having it, so she calls them out on their gossip. Shockingly, Gizelle cops to the comments about how Monique said she had four houses. Monique sets her straight about that. Gizelle has a bit of Housewives amnesia. Still, Monique isn’t having it and Gizelle starts losing her shit. Charrisse is sitting back, eating the popcorn and loving this. She says Gizelle has met her match in Monique. I agree. Get her, Monique. Get. Her! Sides are being drawn. Monique apologizes if what she said came across as braggy. Oh Jesus… Karen is being proper and if she throws out the word Etiquette, I’m going to throw my remote at the TV screen. I guess we have our frenimies this season.

Last commercial break: The sink is full of dishes because I didn’t empty the dishwasher this afternoon, I have laundry to put away, and a bathroom to clean. I need another weekend day. Or a maid. Or four maids like Dorit has. Also, my back hurts.

Back at Charrisse’s house, she’s face timing with her therapist. She talks to him about her pending divorce He totally therapies her and she starts crying telling him about Skylar’s party and how they stayed on separate sides of the room. This is the most real I’ve seen Charrisse in this show. I feel bad for her. The show ends with a photo of Charrisse and Eddie at their wedding.

Next time, Robyn calls Ashley a gold digger, Gizelle talks shit about Monique at a party, Charrisse makes an announcement about dropping one of her names (PLEASE DON’T LET HER GO BY SHA SHA!), and Karen wants to know who is older between someone and Ray.

Thanks for reading! I hope I’m not too verbose with these recaps!

 

 

Real Housewives of Potomac – Hold Your Horses

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Before I get into the recap, I’d like to thank you all for your understanding and support with the lateness of the recap. The last week has been crazy, what with being at Disneyland for four days, getting home at midnight on Friday night, then a little recovery  and baking on Saturday, and Easter on Sunday. I even ended up taking today off work since I woke up with a terrible migraine from lack of rest. Thankfully, I feel better and am ready to power through this recap.

So, let’s get to it!

Last time on the Real Housewives of Potomac, Ashley still wants a baby, but the restaurant isn’t breaking even; Karen is mired in empty nest syndrome; we were introduced to the newest housewife, Monique; Karen calls out Robyn on her loyalty; and Charriesse and Gizelle (sort of) have it out.

This week we start with a quick montage of the ladies going about their daily business, but when we get into it, we start with Monique playing with her son and packing for a trip to Alabama for her husband’s induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame. She’s with her best friend, Gigi, talking about the trip and Chris’ mother… she sounds like a real peach. Monique tells Gigi about Charrisse and Gigi mentions she knows Eddie, before shutting her mouth. How well does she actually KNOW Eddie? Hmmmmm??? Gigi pushes Monique for info on the ladies and Monique talls her about Gizelle and says she doesn’t have time for that crap. Sidenote: Her 11 month old daughter is super cute and I just want to squeeze her.

Moving on to Charrisse’s, she and her daughter are packing boxes and she explains she’s remodeling the office and creating a champagne room. That sounds interesting, but a total rich person room. Her daughter thinks it’s ridiculous when Charrisse shows her the drawing of the room.

Gizelle shows up to a nail salon and meets up with Robyn. Lots of small talk about their kids, and Robyn talks about her little boy who is freaking adorable. The ladies get their nails done, and Robyn mentions to Gizelle she invited the ladies to an event related to the Preakness horserace in Baltimore. Gizelle shades Monique for rapping at the tea and seems open to squashing the issue with Charrisse. Gizelle mentions that she wasn’t okay with Robyn talking to Karen about Gizelle. Robyn does a good job defending herself and calls her out on what she said about Charrisse.

Commercial break: Now that that bitch April had her calf and I wasted two months only for it to be born while I was sleeping, I’m gonna have to find something else to talk about during these breaks. Has anyone watched the Casey Anthony three-part special yet? Would you want a recap or a place to talk about it? Lord, my feet still hurt from this last week. Ooh, preview for the new Guardians of the Galaxy. Aww, baby Groot. So cute. I can’t wait for the movie… it’s no Captain America, but I can only hope he makes an appearance.

And we’re back in Potomac on a rainy day. The prodigal daughter returns home and Karen could not be happier. She won’t let go of the girl. Haha… OMG, she says it’s only been a month. They sit outside snacking and they start chatting. The entitled brat talks about her sorority and says that cheesesteaks were disgusting and that was all she ate. Rayvin doesn’t seem to want Karen and Ray to sell the house.

Over to Robyn with her kids heading to the dentist. She’s waxing poetic about her kids not listening, but they listen to Juan. Umm, hi… no one’s kids listen to them. The dentist comes in and gives Robyn a hug. Who’s dentist gives them a hug? Mine gives me a Xanax so I won’t have a panic attack. But no hugs. Seriously, her kids are freaking adorable.

Monique and Chris are in Alabama and Monique is mentally preparing to deal with her mother-in-law. They are discussing their relationship and how Monique puts Chris before everyone else.

Commercial break: I will not eat the Easter candy. I will not eat the Easter candy. I will not eat the Easter candy. Damn it… I ate some Easter candy. How was everyone’s Easter? Or if you don’t celebrate it, your Sunday? I spent Saturday baking dessert for Easter and it was almost perfect. I need to work on my decorating skills a little, but one day, my BFF and I will open a bakery. I will be the baker, she will be the decorator. It’s our dream. We just need money to start… oh, and the balls to quit our jobs and take the leap.

The ladies have arrived at The Preakness. Ashley is wearing some awful red jumpsuit. She and Robyn talk a little about Juan. Robyn seems to not want to talk about it. I’m with her. Her relationship is no one’s business. Gizelle and Karen arrive. I love Karen’s dress. The ladies discuss Ashley having a baby and she mentions that things aren’t going as well as she had hoped. The ladies offer to help out promoting the restaurant. When the conversation turns to Monique, Gizelle immediately starts being snarky that Monique has five houses. Ashley calls it in her talking head when she said that Gizelle wants to be Monique. Hell… I want to be Monique and have five houses. Gizelle is seething with jealousy over Monique’s life.

Speaking of whom, Monique and her family arrive at the Hall of Fame for Chris’ induction. The family is introduced to the directors. You can really tell that Monique is super proud. Chris’ mother, Shirley, arrives, and immediately starts over exaggerating how much they see the family.

Back at The Preakness, Charrisse arrives, and the ladies go see the horses. They take a seat outside and Gizelle tells the ladies about Kevin, and they get a a primer from Don, a man who owns horses. Gizelle’s panties are getting damp hearing about how to bet. And the race begins. They have their bets placed and (not) surprisingly they win. Gizelle takes Don to collect her winnings and the ladies sit back down to drink champagne. Gizelle has to go and make it awkward by asking Charrisse if she’s off probation and Charrisse begrudgingly says yes. Let’s see if this is really over.

Commercial break: Potty break. Ugh, I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. I would be such a great stay-at-home mom. Fresh baked cookies every day, I’d Martha Stewart the crap out of my house, and have a hot dinner on the table right at 6pm. Just call me June Cleaver. I’d be a total Pinterest mom, and all the other moms would probably hate me.

Back to Robyn as she heads into the salon to get her hair done. Shirley, her stylist, gets her started and her phone rings. It’s Juan with the kids. She hangs up and he calls back asking about seasoning the burgers before he puts them on the grill. Her talking head confesses that she’d like Juan to be more hands on. Robyn gets her hair cut and straightened. It looks so cute. What is it about hair stylists? You sit in their chair and spill your darkest secrets. I’ve been going to mine for at least nine years and she knows all about my life.

It’s clear that Robyn and Juan still love each other, but Robyn has reservations.

Ashley and Michael about go to an indoor sky diving place. It looks interesting. I’d still never do it. Indoor, outdoor… never gonna happen. Ashley says she doesn’t want to be like the other ladies with their husbands or significant others. She and Michael sit down and Ashley brings up the restaurant and is finally honest with Michael about her not understanding a lot of the business side of the restaurant. Michael tells her that he wants to get back to them being happy. Both are willing to figure it out.

Commercial break: I have to go to the market. What supermarkets do you all have and shop at? I shop at a local market, Raley’s. We also have Savemart, Safeway, Food Source, Nob Hill, and Bel Air. We also have Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. I like Raley’s because it’s local, they are generous to the community, and they have a great rewards program. Also, I just won a $50 gift card for seafood from them for winning a drawing where we had to share a seafood recipe. Ohh, that commercial for Gifted, Chris Evans’ new movie. I must see that. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but good Lord, I love him.

Back at Charrisse’s house, construction is beginning on the champagne room. She’s got an interior designer who has a crew to do the demo. Holy crap! This remodel has a budget of $92,000! I just can’t with these rich people.

Back in Birmingham, Alabama, the Samuels family goes to dinner and immediately Chris’ mother starts in. Monique orders a wine and gets an unapproving glare from Shirley. As Monique talks about having more kids, his mother whispers and side eyes everything. She tells Monique she needs to get a job. Luckily, Chris has Monique’s back. His mother is a snarky battle axe. It’s like it’s a damn competition between the two. So ridiculous.  Chris’ mother is snarky and sarcastic to Monique. She’s sitting there rolling her eyes. Chris’ mother is clearly jealous and takes offense at some of the things that Monique is saying.

Final commercial break of the night: I am such a type-A person. I am sitting here recapping and thinking about making lunches for the next couple of days, what needs to get done around the house, and planning the chores for the weekend.

Back to dinner with the Samuels family. Monique is still talking about her marriage and his mother is still throwing attitude her way. Monique says she’d like to have a good relationship with Shirley. Shirley throws down her marriage advice, which I’m sure was fine way back when, and probably fine for a lot of marriages today, but it’s clear that it’s not how Monique and Chris live their lives. And that really pisses her off. Monique is good defending herself. Finally, Chris ends the conversation and everyone leaves for the induction. As they leave, Shirley calls Monique a heifer to another family member. All I can say is damn, I got lucky.

Well, crap! As I turned off the DVR, it went to the end of DWTS and I know who gets kicked off. LAME!

Until next week, Lovelies,

B&B

Real Housewives of Potomac

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All Tea, All Shade

Preface — sorry for the lack of photos. Potomac seems to not post many episode screen shots. 

Is it Sunday, already? Lord, it feels like a short weekend. Granted, it’s only 7:15pm here on the west (best) coast, but I’m getting a jump on the RHOP recap since I have the early feed for Bravo. So, let’s cut to the chase.

Previously, on The Real Housewives of Potomac – Karen looks for a new house, Ashley thinks she’s on Dancing with the Stars, Gizelle outs Charrisse, Eddie and their respective boyfriend and girlfriends, Robyn moves into a townhouse out in BFE and tries to be the peacemaker between Gizelle and Charrisse. Gizelle and Charriesse argue in an alley because Gizelle thinks Charriesse called her a whore and Charriesse is pissed Gizelle outed her boyfriend.

Ooooh, taglines. Still not growing on me. Oh but wait!! There IS a new housewife! Her name is Monique. And she’s got a tagline! She comes after Karen and before Robyn. How did that happen? New people should be added to the end!

Anywho… here’s her tagline: I may be rough around the edges, but baby, so are diamonds. Also, her dress in her opening looks like a bridesmaids dress. Not cute.

We open at Gizelle’s. Why does she get the first shot these last two weeks? Hopefully, this isn’t a thing.  Her phone is ringing and it’s her new boyfriend, Kevin. They are face timing as she gets ready for their date. Gizelle thinks he’s the perfect guy. And boy is he a sweet talker. OMG, she just called him a “safe bet.” Because yes… that’s what I look for in a partner. Not someone I love and care about, but a safe bet.

On to Karen’s. She’s wearing yoga pants, a collared sweatshirt, matching hat and tennis shoes. She’s leaving a message for her daughter Ravin (I know that’s not spelled right) and lamenting that she calls all the time and her daughter never answers the phone. So, pretty much what any kid away from home does when their parent(s) call(s). She calls herself “Mommy” and it’s clear that she’s suffering from empty nest syndrome.

Obligatory advertising shot of the outside of Oz, Ashley’s restaurant. She’s behind the bar talking about alcohol. What’s this? Charriesse and Robyn arrive for dinner. The restaurant is EMPTY, and Robyn acknowledges that in her talking head. Ashley decides to order for everyone and starts by ordering emu tartare and camel. Charrisse breaks in and says she doesn’t eat meat and Robyn is not excited about it. Ashley admits that the restaurant is run the way Michael wants it and will not allow any changes. Girl, if he’s that controlling about a restaurant how is he at home?

The food comes and the camel is served as a slider. Robyn puts some emu on her fork and smells it, then puts it down. Totally what I would do. I feel you, girl! Ashley asks if Charriesse is still helping with Katie’s Casino Royale fundraiser… remember that from last year? No, it’s okay. Here’s a flashback. Charriesse explains what’s (not) going on. Katie decided she didn’t want Charriesse to be the chair of the committee, but still bring people in to the event. Basically, she wants Charriesse to use her contacts.

Charriesse, Robyn, and Ashley start talking about the Gizelle issue. Poor Robyn, she admits she’s in the middle and it’s uncomfortable for her. Charrisse has a really good attitude, though, and says she’s focusing on the positive and on being happy. Good for you, Charriesse. She tells the girls that Eddie sent notification that he’s going to file for divorce. Now that time has passed, she seems okay with it. Well, maybe not happy, but accepting. She mentions Sha Sha again. Dear God, PLEASE do not let Sha Sha appear.

Commercial break – Haven’t checked on April the Giraffe today. Gotta take a quick look and then grab the clothes out of the dryer, dump them on my bed and put off folding and hanging them until the last minute. Also, there’s a commercial for Fast and Furious 8583. I haven’t seen the first however many, but don’t think I could watch Paul Walker in a movie without crying.

Damn, no baby giraffe. But April’s belly looks bigger. So help me, if that baby is born while I’m on vacation, I’m going to be really mad. I didn’t waste almost two months of my life watching this damn giraffe only to miss it because I’m in Disneyland. That’s it, family! Vacation is cancelled. I have to watch a giraffe give birth!

The ladies are apparently getting ready for Katie’s fundraiser. OMG, there’s no one there. Robyn looks gorg in a blue dress with rhinestones down the sides and on the back.  Haha, Karen is giving her two cents of the event and her first impression is hilarious. No words. Just “umm…” And then, “I’m proud of Katie’s efforts.” Hahaha. Karen is the epitome of “if you can’t say something nice, come sit by me.”

Katie comes up to Robyn and asks where Juan is because she had a plan to auction him off as a date for someone. Robyn looks like she’s about to throw down in response.

Here’s comes Monique and her husband, Chris. Looks like they are friends of Charriesse’s. So THAT’S how she got on the show. Her dress is interesting.  Aww, Chris seems nice. He asks the bartender if he accepts tips and reaches into his pocket. I already like him. Charriesse greets them. Charriesse introduces them. She says Chris was an offensive tackle for the Washington Redskins. I have no idea what that means, but apparently that means he’s a blocker. God, I hate football (says the girl who plays fantasy football). If he’s a blocker, just call him a blocker… but I digress.

Chris seems to be a good guy. They are at a charity event and he throws down $100 at the table. Charriesse takes them to meet Robyn and tells them that she’s Juan’s ex-wife. Chris is familiar with Juan and as they are talking, Robyn walks up. She explains why Juan isn’t there. Monique seems the want to get to know the ladies.

Here comes Gizelle, wearing this weird-looking pants jumpsuit. She thinks she looks cute. Umm, nope. She throws shade at Charriesse and greets Robyn. The ladies talk about the event and Gizelle is not impressed. Hahaha. Robyn is trying to push Gizelle and Charriesse together. I feel like Robyn is the Eileen Davidson of Potomac. Trying to get everyone to like each other. I hope she doesn’t start beating dead horses, too.

Charriesse introduces Ashley to Monique and Ashley immediately comments on Monique’s dress asking if it’s mesh. And mentions that she almost had a woody. She’s hella flirting with Monique. I wonder if she and Michael have an open marriage. No judgement… to each their own.

Karen comments on Katie’s new friends by calling them eccentric. I can just hear the quotation marks around eccentric. It looks as if there are actually a lot of people at the event, but it still looks like it’s being held in a community center where you aren’t allowed to put decorations on the walls. Some of the kids who benefit from the charity perform and I can’t even accurately describe Gizelle’s reaction in her talking head. Just image eye rolling and a deep breath out. Everyone looks glad it’s over, but of course, no one says how terrible it is to anyone outside of their group because… etiquette.

Commercial break – potty time. Also, let the dogs out. (Great, and now, “Who Let the Dogs Out” is stuck in my head.) OMG, I just checked the DVR. There’s still 39 minutes left. Is it just me or is this a really slow-moving show?

The next day, Gizelle meets Kevin for a date. He’s got a really nice smile and he brings her a gift. That’s sweet. But I wanna know what’s in the box, Gizelle. Open the gift! Gizelle wants Kevin to take her out of the dating game. They seem to be having a good time. Joking around and laughing. I like this side of Gizelle.

Karen’s having trouble opening a package of fruit tarts. Robyn arrives looking casual in her jeans and tshirt. Karen’s looking cute in white pants and a red top. Karen wants to team up with Robyn to intervene with Gizelle and Chariesse. Karen says she is moving and asks Robyn when she can comes see the new house. Robyn is a little hesitant to talk about it and wants Karen to keep talking. The ladies talk about the others and Karen says she wants to bring everyone together and discuss the situation like ladies.

Commercial break number three – Sorry guys. I got nuthin’. Just gonna forward through the commercials.

We pick up at Ashley’s, where she’s on the losing end of the battle between her and a Ninja blender. She calls in reinforcements and Michael comes in to help her. Today is their second wedding anniversary. They start talking about having a baby and Michael condescends her about the restaurant and their deal. Apparently, he thinks that a woman can’t have a baby and run a restaurant. She’s feeling judged and unsupported. I feel a little bad for her.

Monique and her assistant (why does she need an assistant? I NEED AN ASSISTANT!) arrive at a barre class and are joined by Charriesse and Robyn. The class starts and Charriesse is struggling. I hear you, Charriesse. This is why I don’t go to the gym anymore. I probably should, though. I’m paying for it. Also, after the class, Monique’s assistant brings them drinks. What gym is this? I want to go to a gym that serves me drinks after a workout.

HA! Monique is asked what she thought about Katie’s event. She says it was… nice for a starter event. LOL. Then, in her talking head she says it was terrible. By the way, her talking head outfit is cute. Pink dress with big blue and silver necklace. Probably sapphires and diamonds, who knows, but I want it. She invites the ladies to one of her foundation’s events and says that they threw a kickoff at their lake house and hosted 900 people. Umm, my house can’t even fit 13 for Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t even imagine hosting 900 people. Robyn feels a little uncomfortable with Monique’s “humble bragging” about their four houses. Monique mentions they want to move because a 9,000 square foot, five bedroom house isn’t big enough for her, her husband, and their two children.

Robyn invites Monique to the peace tea she and Karen are going to throw and Charriesse is hesitant about going, but only because it’s a peace tea and Gizelle will be there to hash everything out.

Commercial! – Gotta let the dogs back in. Commercial for part 2 of the VPR reuinion. The announcer teases a Jax and Brittany bombshell. I have a feeling it’s not that exciting, but I hope to be proven wrong.

15 minutes left. Longest. Hour. EVER! Karen and Robyn arrive at the tea room and Robyn is wearing a fabulous hat. Robyn tells Karen she invited Monique and the Etiquette Queen is NOT happy. Monique arrives in a Bentley wearing a lovely dress and hat. I am such a girly girl when it comes to pretty dresses and big hats. I should have been born in the early 1900s and been a society lady. Karen approves. Next up is Gizelle and the ladies name drop designers. Gizelle already starts the snark. Karen unapproves. Gizelle is kind of a bitch. She snarks that Monique doesn’t have a home and Monique fires back that she’s got four homes. Karen approves.

Monique is asked to tell the ladies how she met her husband and it turns out, she’s a rapper. Karen approves. Gizelle unapproved. Ashely and Charriesse arrive wearing God awful. Hats. They look like hats a child would wear that ties under their chin. Okay, more like head bands with hats on the top. Gizelle does not acknowledge Charriesse. OH MY GOD! Charriesse just dropped the mike in her talking head. She said the Willard (where they are at) is for First Ladies and Gizelle is a “Monica.” Dayum! It’s already starting. Karen tries to be the peacemaker and Gizelle tries to open it up nicely and Charriesse is already on the defensive. Gizelle shuts it down by apologizing and the girls are shocked. Charriesse is not really having it. Gizelle is trying to make peace and it looks like Charriesse is considering it. Bread crumbs and baby steps. And here’s Charriesse’s sorrynotsorry: “I’m sorry if you felt like I called you a whore.” Why can’t these housewives just own their shit and genuinely apologize for something? Karen’s on her high horse now that that’s settled. But she’s not done yet. She calls out Robyn for talking about Gizelle and Charriesse. She questions Robyn’s loyalty. Let me tell you… speaking from experience, you can be loyal to two people who hate each other and not be in the middle of the situation. I have two best friends who, at times, do not get along. I am able to be a friend to one and offer advice, without bad mouthing the other, and vice versa. I am able to be a friend, listener, sounding board, advice giver, to both of them without jeopardizing my friendship with either of them. They both know that what we talk about stays with us. Since I hate the drama and am capable of being rational, I’d be a shitty candidate for a Real Housewives show.

Last commercial break – More laundry out of the dryer and onto the bed for folding, transfer clothes from washer to dryer, and last load into the washer. Over this weekend, I did seven loads of laundry. By far, not the most, but Lordy Lord, I hate doing laundry. Actually, that’s not true. I don’t mind doing the laundry; I just hate folding, hanging ,and putting it away.

And we’re back with Karen still harping on Robyn. She’s not having it. Gizelle jumps to Robyn’s defense but is annoyed that Robyn is talking behind her back. Gizelle tries to end it and says she wants to talk to Robyn about it. Monique throws her two (commonsense) cents into it and rationalizes that this is nothing.

Karen decides to give a toast and toasts to friendship, being authentic and transparent, and fun, which causes Robyn to throw some side-eye towards Gizelle, but in the way that friends can have an unspoken conversation just by looking at each other.

Preview for next week, the ladies go to a horserace, Ashley and Michael go indoor skydiving, Monique’s mother-in-law(?) tells her she needs a job, and Gizelle and Robyn have a sit down.

Man, that was exhausting. I need to find a happy-medium for this show. As with all the Real Housewives, I question their friendships. I mean, my group of friends is large and not everyone gets along all the time… sometimes… most of the time, but we’ve figured out how to work it out. We are a functioning dysfunctional fRamily and in spite of our differences and who is fighting with whom at any given time, we all have each others’ back. It’s like we can fight with each other, but no one on the outside can say anything about that person.

I’m so glad I had to watch this tonight. I watched The Bye Bye Man in order to review it for the other blog I write for, and I don’t want to turn the lights off. I don’t like being home alone. And I’m probably going to sleep with the light on. Now to go to bed and watch Spring Baking Championship, then finish catching up on watching that hottie, Wentworth Miller, break out of prison. I have one season to go before I can start watching the new season of Prison Break.

Talk later, lovelies.

B&B