All Tea, All Shade
Preface — sorry for the lack of photos. Potomac seems to not post many episode screen shots.
Is it Sunday, already? Lord, it feels like a short weekend. Granted, it’s only 7:15pm here on the west (best) coast, but I’m getting a jump on the RHOP recap since I have the early feed for Bravo. So, let’s cut to the chase.
Previously, on The Real Housewives of Potomac – Karen looks for a new house, Ashley thinks she’s on Dancing with the Stars, Gizelle outs Charrisse, Eddie and their respective boyfriend and girlfriends, Robyn moves into a townhouse out in BFE and tries to be the peacemaker between Gizelle and Charrisse. Gizelle and Charriesse argue in an alley because Gizelle thinks Charriesse called her a whore and Charriesse is pissed Gizelle outed her boyfriend.
Ooooh, taglines. Still not growing on me. Oh but wait!! There IS a new housewife! Her name is Monique. And she’s got a tagline! She comes after Karen and before Robyn. How did that happen? New people should be added to the end!
Anywho… here’s her tagline: I may be rough around the edges, but baby, so are diamonds. Also, her dress in her opening looks like a bridesmaids dress. Not cute.
We open at Gizelle’s. Why does she get the first shot these last two weeks? Hopefully, this isn’t a thing. Her phone is ringing and it’s her new boyfriend, Kevin. They are face timing as she gets ready for their date. Gizelle thinks he’s the perfect guy. And boy is he a sweet talker. OMG, she just called him a “safe bet.” Because yes… that’s what I look for in a partner. Not someone I love and care about, but a safe bet.
On to Karen’s. She’s wearing yoga pants, a collared sweatshirt, matching hat and tennis shoes. She’s leaving a message for her daughter Ravin (I know that’s not spelled right) and lamenting that she calls all the time and her daughter never answers the phone. So, pretty much what any kid away from home does when their parent(s) call(s). She calls herself “Mommy” and it’s clear that she’s suffering from empty nest syndrome.
Obligatory advertising shot of the outside of Oz, Ashley’s restaurant. She’s behind the bar talking about alcohol. What’s this? Charriesse and Robyn arrive for dinner. The restaurant is EMPTY, and Robyn acknowledges that in her talking head. Ashley decides to order for everyone and starts by ordering emu tartare and camel. Charrisse breaks in and says she doesn’t eat meat and Robyn is not excited about it. Ashley admits that the restaurant is run the way Michael wants it and will not allow any changes. Girl, if he’s that controlling about a restaurant how is he at home?
The food comes and the camel is served as a slider. Robyn puts some emu on her fork and smells it, then puts it down. Totally what I would do. I feel you, girl! Ashley asks if Charriesse is still helping with Katie’s Casino Royale fundraiser… remember that from last year? No, it’s okay. Here’s a flashback. Charriesse explains what’s (not) going on. Katie decided she didn’t want Charriesse to be the chair of the committee, but still bring people in to the event. Basically, she wants Charriesse to use her contacts.
Charriesse, Robyn, and Ashley start talking about the Gizelle issue. Poor Robyn, she admits she’s in the middle and it’s uncomfortable for her. Charrisse has a really good attitude, though, and says she’s focusing on the positive and on being happy. Good for you, Charriesse. She tells the girls that Eddie sent notification that he’s going to file for divorce. Now that time has passed, she seems okay with it. Well, maybe not happy, but accepting. She mentions Sha Sha again. Dear God, PLEASE do not let Sha Sha appear.
Commercial break – Haven’t checked on April the Giraffe today. Gotta take a quick look and then grab the clothes out of the dryer, dump them on my bed and put off folding and hanging them until the last minute. Also, there’s a commercial for Fast and Furious 8583. I haven’t seen the first however many, but don’t think I could watch Paul Walker in a movie without crying.
Damn, no baby giraffe. But April’s belly looks bigger. So help me, if that baby is born while I’m on vacation, I’m going to be really mad. I didn’t waste almost two months of my life watching this damn giraffe only to miss it because I’m in Disneyland. That’s it, family! Vacation is cancelled. I have to watch a giraffe give birth!
The ladies are apparently getting ready for Katie’s fundraiser. OMG, there’s no one there. Robyn looks gorg in a blue dress with rhinestones down the sides and on the back. Haha, Karen is giving her two cents of the event and her first impression is hilarious. No words. Just “umm…” And then, “I’m proud of Katie’s efforts.” Hahaha. Karen is the epitome of “if you can’t say something nice, come sit by me.”
Katie comes up to Robyn and asks where Juan is because she had a plan to auction him off as a date for someone. Robyn looks like she’s about to throw down in response.
Here’s comes Monique and her husband, Chris. Looks like they are friends of Charriesse’s. So THAT’S how she got on the show. Her dress is interesting. Aww, Chris seems nice. He asks the bartender if he accepts tips and reaches into his pocket. I already like him. Charriesse greets them. Charriesse introduces them. She says Chris was an offensive tackle for the Washington Redskins. I have no idea what that means, but apparently that means he’s a blocker. God, I hate football (says the girl who plays fantasy football). If he’s a blocker, just call him a blocker… but I digress.
Chris seems to be a good guy. They are at a charity event and he throws down $100 at the table. Charriesse takes them to meet Robyn and tells them that she’s Juan’s ex-wife. Chris is familiar with Juan and as they are talking, Robyn walks up. She explains why Juan isn’t there. Monique seems the want to get to know the ladies.
Here comes Gizelle, wearing this weird-looking pants jumpsuit. She thinks she looks cute. Umm, nope. She throws shade at Charriesse and greets Robyn. The ladies talk about the event and Gizelle is not impressed. Hahaha. Robyn is trying to push Gizelle and Charriesse together. I feel like Robyn is the Eileen Davidson of Potomac. Trying to get everyone to like each other. I hope she doesn’t start beating dead horses, too.
Charriesse introduces Ashley to Monique and Ashley immediately comments on Monique’s dress asking if it’s mesh. And mentions that she almost had a woody. She’s hella flirting with Monique. I wonder if she and Michael have an open marriage. No judgement… to each their own.
Karen comments on Katie’s new friends by calling them eccentric. I can just hear the quotation marks around eccentric. It looks as if there are actually a lot of people at the event, but it still looks like it’s being held in a community center where you aren’t allowed to put decorations on the walls. Some of the kids who benefit from the charity perform and I can’t even accurately describe Gizelle’s reaction in her talking head. Just image eye rolling and a deep breath out. Everyone looks glad it’s over, but of course, no one says how terrible it is to anyone outside of their group because… etiquette.
Commercial break – potty time. Also, let the dogs out. (Great, and now, “Who Let the Dogs Out” is stuck in my head.) OMG, I just checked the DVR. There’s still 39 minutes left. Is it just me or is this a really slow-moving show?
The next day, Gizelle meets Kevin for a date. He’s got a really nice smile and he brings her a gift. That’s sweet. But I wanna know what’s in the box, Gizelle. Open the gift! Gizelle wants Kevin to take her out of the dating game. They seem to be having a good time. Joking around and laughing. I like this side of Gizelle.
Karen’s having trouble opening a package of fruit tarts. Robyn arrives looking casual in her jeans and tshirt. Karen’s looking cute in white pants and a red top. Karen wants to team up with Robyn to intervene with Gizelle and Chariesse. Karen says she is moving and asks Robyn when she can comes see the new house. Robyn is a little hesitant to talk about it and wants Karen to keep talking. The ladies talk about the others and Karen says she wants to bring everyone together and discuss the situation like ladies.
Commercial break number three – Sorry guys. I got nuthin’. Just gonna forward through the commercials.
We pick up at Ashley’s, where she’s on the losing end of the battle between her and a Ninja blender. She calls in reinforcements and Michael comes in to help her. Today is their second wedding anniversary. They start talking about having a baby and Michael condescends her about the restaurant and their deal. Apparently, he thinks that a woman can’t have a baby and run a restaurant. She’s feeling judged and unsupported. I feel a little bad for her.
Monique and her assistant (why does she need an assistant? I NEED AN ASSISTANT!) arrive at a barre class and are joined by Charriesse and Robyn. The class starts and Charriesse is struggling. I hear you, Charriesse. This is why I don’t go to the gym anymore. I probably should, though. I’m paying for it. Also, after the class, Monique’s assistant brings them drinks. What gym is this? I want to go to a gym that serves me drinks after a workout.
HA! Monique is asked what she thought about Katie’s event. She says it was… nice for a starter event. LOL. Then, in her talking head she says it was terrible. By the way, her talking head outfit is cute. Pink dress with big blue and silver necklace. Probably sapphires and diamonds, who knows, but I want it. She invites the ladies to one of her foundation’s events and says that they threw a kickoff at their lake house and hosted 900 people. Umm, my house can’t even fit 13 for Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t even imagine hosting 900 people. Robyn feels a little uncomfortable with Monique’s “humble bragging” about their four houses. Monique mentions they want to move because a 9,000 square foot, five bedroom house isn’t big enough for her, her husband, and their two children.
Robyn invites Monique to the peace tea she and Karen are going to throw and Charriesse is hesitant about going, but only because it’s a peace tea and Gizelle will be there to hash everything out.
Commercial! – Gotta let the dogs back in. Commercial for part 2 of the VPR reuinion. The announcer teases a Jax and Brittany bombshell. I have a feeling it’s not that exciting, but I hope to be proven wrong.
15 minutes left. Longest. Hour. EVER! Karen and Robyn arrive at the tea room and Robyn is wearing a fabulous hat. Robyn tells Karen she invited Monique and the Etiquette Queen is NOT happy. Monique arrives in a Bentley wearing a lovely dress and hat. I am such a girly girl when it comes to pretty dresses and big hats. I should have been born in the early 1900s and been a society lady. Karen approves. Next up is Gizelle and the ladies name drop designers. Gizelle already starts the snark. Karen unapproves. Gizelle is kind of a bitch. She snarks that Monique doesn’t have a home and Monique fires back that she’s got four homes. Karen approves.
Monique is asked to tell the ladies how she met her husband and it turns out, she’s a rapper. Karen approves. Gizelle unapproved. Ashely and Charriesse arrive wearing God awful. Hats. They look like hats a child would wear that ties under their chin. Okay, more like head bands with hats on the top. Gizelle does not acknowledge Charriesse. OH MY GOD! Charriesse just dropped the mike in her talking head. She said the Willard (where they are at) is for First Ladies and Gizelle is a “Monica.” Dayum! It’s already starting. Karen tries to be the peacemaker and Gizelle tries to open it up nicely and Charriesse is already on the defensive. Gizelle shuts it down by apologizing and the girls are shocked. Charriesse is not really having it. Gizelle is trying to make peace and it looks like Charriesse is considering it. Bread crumbs and baby steps. And here’s Charriesse’s sorrynotsorry: “I’m sorry if you felt like I called you a whore.” Why can’t these housewives just own their shit and genuinely apologize for something? Karen’s on her high horse now that that’s settled. But she’s not done yet. She calls out Robyn for talking about Gizelle and Charriesse. She questions Robyn’s loyalty. Let me tell you… speaking from experience, you can be loyal to two people who hate each other and not be in the middle of the situation. I have two best friends who, at times, do not get along. I am able to be a friend to one and offer advice, without bad mouthing the other, and vice versa. I am able to be a friend, listener, sounding board, advice giver, to both of them without jeopardizing my friendship with either of them. They both know that what we talk about stays with us. Since I hate the drama and am capable of being rational, I’d be a shitty candidate for a Real Housewives show.
Last commercial break – More laundry out of the dryer and onto the bed for folding, transfer clothes from washer to dryer, and last load into the washer. Over this weekend, I did seven loads of laundry. By far, not the most, but Lordy Lord, I hate doing laundry. Actually, that’s not true. I don’t mind doing the laundry; I just hate folding, hanging ,and putting it away.
And we’re back with Karen still harping on Robyn. She’s not having it. Gizelle jumps to Robyn’s defense but is annoyed that Robyn is talking behind her back. Gizelle tries to end it and says she wants to talk to Robyn about it. Monique throws her two (commonsense) cents into it and rationalizes that this is nothing.
Karen decides to give a toast and toasts to friendship, being authentic and transparent, and fun, which causes Robyn to throw some side-eye towards Gizelle, but in the way that friends can have an unspoken conversation just by looking at each other.
Preview for next week, the ladies go to a horserace, Ashley and Michael go indoor skydiving, Monique’s mother-in-law(?) tells her she needs a job, and Gizelle and Robyn have a sit down.
Man, that was exhausting. I need to find a happy-medium for this show. As with all the Real Housewives, I question their friendships. I mean, my group of friends is large and not everyone gets along all the time… sometimes… most of the time, but we’ve figured out how to work it out. We are a functioning dysfunctional fRamily and in spite of our differences and who is fighting with whom at any given time, we all have each others’ back. It’s like we can fight with each other, but no one on the outside can say anything about that person.
I’m so glad I had to watch this tonight. I watched The Bye Bye Man in order to review it for the other blog I write for, and I don’t want to turn the lights off. I don’t like being home alone. And I’m probably going to sleep with the light on. Now to go to bed and watch Spring Baking Championship, then finish catching up on watching that hottie, Wentworth Miller, break out of prison. I have one season to go before I can start watching the new season of Prison Break.
Talk later, lovelies.