Good evening from the seventh ring of hell – I mean lovely Sacramento!! Anyone who has lived in Sacramento for any number of years knows that while there are four seasons, Sacramento only has two. Winter and Summer. Fall and spring make brief appearances for about two weeks. Whelp, that two weeks of spring is up. We’ve now moved into summer. It was an overly warm 87 degrees here today. And it’s only going to get hotter. The news is forecasting 90 degrees this week. Lord, please can we not have a month of 100+ degree weather, this year. If I wanted that, I’ve live in Vegas. I’ve had the air conditioner on for two days now and am really missing my house in downtown Sacramento since it had big trees, cross winds and was right by the river, so I received the affects of the lovely delta breeze. Oh and ceiling fans. Lots of ceiling fans. *Note to self – add “purchase and install ceiling fans in living room and master bedroom” to the “Honey-do list.”
Anyway, let’s jump right into tonight’s recap, shall we?
Last time on The Real Housewives of Potomac: Karen’s special snowflake children made brief appearances. Rayvin won’t eat Philly cheese steaks and Brandon thinks his mother is ridiculous; Monique and Chris look at a gorgeous new house to buy; Robyn ponders her relationship with Juan; Charrisse talks to her therapist about the divorce; Gizelle tries to shade Monique, but has probably met her match; and little Ashley wasn’t significant enough last week to be included in the recap.
This week, Monique gets the opening sequence! Yay! She’s invited the ladies and their husbands (Juan is there!!) over for a barbeque and to play cards. I want to be her friend. I think we’d get along great. She seems so down to earth and “normal.” But then again, this is her first season… When she goes in the house, she comments to Ashley and Gizelle that they must not like the heat since they are inside with the air conditioner. Uhh, Monique, I love ya, girl, but I’ve been to the DC area in the summer. It’s hotter and more humid than balls outside. I’d be in the house, too. Ashley opens her big mouth and says they are engaging about whispers about her. Monique immediately calls out Gizelle and tells her not to be disrespectful in her home. Gizelle tries to say she’s not, but Monique isn’t having it. Ohhh, something new for the Housewives! A rewind. Looks like this encounter is the culmination of the event, so we’re rewinding to the beginning. This is exciting!
At the end of the rewind, we get the usual fly over of the golf course, but Monique still gets the opening scene. And it’s one week earlier. Monique arrives at an event planner’s office in her white (what looks like a) Bentley. She’s planning a barbeque and cards night, where they will play Spades. I love Spades. BFF and I play it with the littles. Anyway, there’s a flashback to the Hookah event where Monique invites the ladies to the house for the barbeque and cards. Apparently, though, she needs an event planner to help her get everything together and decorated. OH NO! Their offer on the house was rejected! Monique says the owners were “insulted” by the offer. In her talking head, she says how “bougie” people in Potomac are, and she knows people with a lot more money who don’t act that way.
Monique downloads her opinions on the ladies to her assistance/cousin, and tells him it’s okay to flirt a little with Charrisse, and to stay away from Gizelle. Monique is trying to be the bigger person by inviting Gizelle to the party and giving her another chance to really get to know her and see her with her family.
On to Charrisse. Charrisse is over at her friend Amber’s house and thanks her for allowing her to meet her rich friends. Um, okaaaay. Oh, wait. In her talking head, Charrisse explains she’s the president and member of the National Basketball Wives Association and Amber is hosting an event for her. Charrisse is apparently trying to get the organization in order for the next president. Now that she and Eddie are divorcing, she wants to let go of all the “wife stuff.” The ladies she’s with say she can’t leave and she leaves it up to fate by shooting a basketball. If she makes it, she stays; if not, she goes. Of course she misses. And calls herself Sha Sha. Oh please, God. No. Not Sha Sha. Charrisse is really happy about missing the shot. Also, this woman, Amber, has an indoor basketball court in her house.
Over in Virginia at Oz, Ashley is going over some business details with manager, Jason. The restaurant looks half empty. Jason says this has been one of the slowest weeks and it’s gotten worse each day. Ashley gives a heavy sigh and we see Robyn looking super cute in white jeans, t-shirt and super cute red heels walking in. Man, I miss wearing heels. Ever since my car accident in December, I haven’t been able to wear any of my cute shoes. My ankles start hurting after a few minutes. Makes for some weird looks when you are 5’1 and you’re standing next to someone who is almost 6’5.
Robyn orders a drink called a Painkiller. Looks like Robyn is there in a professional capacity and is offering her PR services to Ashley. She tells Ashley she checked out the reviews, and Bravo actually shows one. It’s a one star review saying DON’T go to Oz. Ouch! Robyn offers up some advice about revamping the menu, doing more events, including DC Pride. Ashley makes a gross sexual comment about her vagina… can we ever get through an episode without her talking about how sexually turned on she is by things that shouldn’t turn ANYONE on? Ashley moves the topic to dating and says she wants to see Robyn dating and not let herself go to waste. Ashley doesn’t seem too fond of Juan. Robyn’s not too happy. Ashley just keeps it going, though. And Robyn’s clearly pissed. In her talking head, she asks if all Ashley did was find a rich man to “sail the seas with” and says that’s “gold digger-ish.” Yeah, it kind of is.
Finally. Commercial. Today was the first day I’ve felt human again. I was knocked out by some super bug since Wednesday evening. I got home from work Wednesday and could not stop throwing up. I seriously could not keep anything down for about 18 hours. I had a fever, the chills, and sweats. It was so bad; my mother drove up from the San Francisco Bay Area to help out. So today, I ran a couple of errands, went to Target and the supermarket. I won a contest a few weeks ago and received two $25 dollar coupons for fresh seafood from the seafood counter at the market, so I bought $35 worth of scallops and used one of the coupons for that. Made a delicious dinner of seared scallops, mixed veggies and crescent rolls. I have enough left over for lunch tomorrow. I also bought a new ice cream called “Enlightened.” It’s 60 calories per half cup. I’m looking forward to trying it. I hate that it’s so late on Sunday because I finally have the energy to get things done around here.
Back in Potomac, we have a brief montage of Gizelle failing at yoga, Ashley failing at entering reservations into the system at the restaurant, and Robyn calling the boys downstairs. In Richmond, VA, Karen is with her sister who is criticizing her driving. Ahh, sisters. They are on their way to their parents to visit their mother, who is turning 70. Aww, so sad. Her mother has dementia. I might cry through this. We’ve been through this in my family and currently my grandmother is becoming very forgetful and my mother is her caregiver. So, I can absolutely sympathize with Karen. Damn you, Bravo. Why you gotta humanize Karen? I think Karen looks good. Very casual in a mustard yellow shorts jumpsuit and long wavy hair. Quick stop at the bakery to pick up the cake for their mother. It’s very pretty. Very simple. I love this sisterly relationship.
On a rainy summer day, Charrisse is hosting her NBA wives event. Robyn and Juan, and Monique and Chris are invited. Juan is very handsome. Robyn looks great in a red dress. Charrisse says she likes Robyn and Juan’s situation better than her’s and Eddie’s. Um, yeah. I would too. Monique and Chris arrive and they are so sweet. She helps him put his coat on and he tells her she looks beautiful. They enter and greet Charrisse and Robyn. Juan and Chris greet each other and start chatting. They seem to be getting along. Monique is droning on and on about the kids and their ailments. She’s a sharer.
Commercial number two: I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. Also, I need a house with a pool. Like No Life, I hate Amy Schumer. I do not find her funny. I find her annoying and she tries too hard. Oh, yay! The Nationwide commercial with Leslie Odom, Jr. from Broadway’s Hamilton. I wish I could have seen the original cast in NYC. I have tickets in July for the San Francisco production. I’m so excited. Happy birthday to me!
We pick up at the NBA Wives event with Charrisse giving her speech saying she is losing a name and will no longer be Charrisse Jackson-Jordan. Seems like in the middle of the speech she realizes she’s off the rails and reins it in by thanking everyone for coming and inviting them to eat. At the table, Monique asks about Robyn and Juan and starts telling them about how she met Chris. Robyn says they are a good example of marriage. Juan says they should have waited to get married. Monique asks if they might get remarried. Juan says they get along really well. Monique wants to know more. Me too. Me too. Robyn, Juan, Chris, and Monique end up on the basketball court playing around. It’s so cute.
Finally (?) we get some Gizelle. She’s lunching with some ladies about Gizelle’s new makeup line. Her business partner talks about how Gizelle hated her in college and how mean Gizelle was to her when she was try8ing to get into Gizelle’s sorority. Okay, that explains a lot. She calls Gizelle the “Grand Dame” of the campus. No wonder Gizelle thinks she can haze Monique. Back to business talk, they are discussing foundations and swatching them, getting the website up and running, and the models for the website. Gizelle says she wants to set an example for her three daughters. Oh Lord. In her talking head, she says she doesn’t want to be defined by what a man has given her, like Monique who just want to say she has… blah, blah, blah.
Back in Richmond, Karen is coordinating dinner and seating everyone at the table. Special Snowflake Rayvin is there holding a cute little baby. DBBG is also there looking quite dapper. Karen’s mother and sister arrive and Karen gives her a huge hug. Her mom is adorable. Karen’s father had a stroke and is recovering, so he’s not there. Goodness, I wish nothing but health for that family. Karen asks her mother who’s older, her of DBBG, and she says DBBG. Karen’s mom seems to be remembering a lot and having a good day. This makes me happy. Though, I doubt Karen would have let Bravo air this is her mother was having a bad day. Her mother says Karen was demanding, and they are having a good laugh. Karen chokes up in her talking head.
Commercial three: The dog is licking my hand. I think he has to go outside. Oh, nope. He just laid back down. Guess he just wanted to give kisses. There is a little gnat buzzing around me and it’s driving me nuts. I just noticed the Star Wars light up Mickey Mouse ears from Disneyland are sitting on the coffee table. Guess I’ll have to put those up in the closet so they don’t get broken before we go back again. I just checked the DVR. There is still 25 minutes of this show to go. You know what makes me laugh… the tourism commercial for California that air here. Umm, I live here. I don’t need a commercial to tell me where to vacation in my own state.
At the Samuels’, Monique and Chris are prepping for the party. Chris is manning the barbeque. Gigi, Monique’s friend is helping out. Monique and Chris are doing all the cooking. While she cooks, Gigi asks how Alabama was, and we flash back to Monique’s time with her mother-in-law.
At Gizelle’s, she’s baking some popovers and Robyn shows up. Robyn tells her about Charrisse’s event and recaps the speech and the awkwardness. Gizelle actually has Charrisse’s back about the divorce, but then asks about Monique and Robyn says she talks a lot. Robyn can’t handle the amount of talking. Robyn is so over talking about her relationship with Juan. Gizelle says she’s going to go, but not have any expectations. Gizelle also says she’ll have an open mind, but in the same breath says it’s Chris’ home, not Monique’s.
Back at party headquarters, Monique and Gigi are gossiping about the ladies and Monique says they are all older. She gives Gigi the scoop on Gizelle and mentions the “I have four houses” comment again and Gigi asks if Gizelle is a renter. Hahahahaha! It’s funny, though. The people across the street are renters and I hate them! Granted, it’s probably because last summer while we had friends over, they put a note one of the guests’ car asking them to not park in front of their house. Aholes, please. It’s a public street. Your driveway wasn’t blocked. Maybe if you actually used the big empty garage you have to put a car in, you wouldn’t have to leave passive-aggressive notes on my friends’ car. Monique tells Gigi that maybe Gizelle wants her life. Hell yeah. That’s what I’ve been saying for weeks.
Commercial are coming faster, now. Preview for the new Guardians of the Galaxy. Going to have to see that first to decide if it’s okay for the boys.
Game night is starting and Karen and DBBG are the first of the ladies to arrive. Karen likes Monique and says she’s glad the Samuels are looking for a home in Potomac. Gizelle arrives with Kal, her hair stylist/friend. She says she brought Kal because it’s nothing but laughs and shade. Ah. That’s why she brought him. To talk shit about Monique. Monique graciously greets them and introduces them to everyone. Juan and Robyn arrive. Monique is super excited. Gizelle is already throwing snarky comments at Monique and others about how much Monique actually cooked. Monique asks if anyone knows if Charrisse is coming and says she’ll call her. Gizelle immediately says to call her tomorrow, almost as if she doesn’t want her there. Uhh, okay.
Monique is chatting with her guests as Gizelle and Kal stand in the kitchen talking about how she never stops talking. Calling her a faucet that never cuts off. How rude to do that in her own house. What assholes. Gigi hangs back inside, and we cut to Ashley and Michael arriving. They greet everyone. Gigi calls out Gizelle and Kal for whispering about Monique in her house and says it’s rude. Okay, we’re back to the opening scene when Monique walks in and Gigi says they are talking about Gizelle and Kal whispering about her. You go, Gigi. Way to have your friend’s back. Kal rudely calls Gigi “RiRi,” like he doesn’t know her name and tells her to back off. That they were whispering about how lovely her home is and how they liked the fish tank. Kal says Gigi needs to mind her business. Monique has Gigi’s back. Gigi goes outside Gizelle and Kal are still talking shit. OMG, I want to punch them both. That is so rude! Ashley walks in and greets them. She tells Gizelle and Monique that it’s tense between Robyn and Juan and then tells them about the rumors she heard. Monique says she’s not gossiping and leaves, which allows Gizelle to start talking shit again. Another of Monique’s friends tells Monique what Gizelle just said and Monique goes back inside. It’s throw down time. I’m 100% on Team Monique. Monique lays into Gizelle and is ready to slug her. Monique tells her that she acts like she doesn’t want to be there, so she should just leave.
Final commercial of the night with six minutes left. I really want some ice cream. The house is quiet. I think I’ll get up and get some. My ear itches. And my foot is asleep.
With four minutes left, we rejoin the party where Monique is asking Gizelle and Kal to leave her home. I wouldn’t stand for it, either, Monique. Monique goes back outside and Chris asks what’s wrong, so she tells him. She says this is three strikes and she’s done with Gizelle. Robyn gets up and goes to catch Gizelle who says she apologized to Monique. No, Gizelle. You didn’t. It was a Housewives apology. “I’m sorry if you felt …” Gizelle is still shading Monique and in the backyard, Karen asks if Gizelle got thrown out of another party. Flashback to season one, when Charrisse threw her out of her house. Monique doesn’t seem surprised.
In defending herself to Robyn, Gizelle throws Ashley under the bus and tells Robyn about the Juan rumors. Robyn is super upset. The games in the back get underway and Ashley goes to get Robyn, who asks her about the concerns and the rumors. Ashley confirms it and Robyn tells her that she and Juan are not a couple. As they talk, Charrisse shows up and awkwardness ensues. She immediately hugs Robyn and starts to cry. Charrisse, Robyn, and Gizelle hug her. Charrisse is having a hard time with the divorce. Gizelle starts telling her that she got kicked out of the party. Monique gets up to see what’s going on out front and asks what’s going on. Ashley gives a B.S. answer about greeting Charrisse and Monique immediately calls her on it.
TO BE CONTINUED…
In between cleaning up from dinner, taking out the trash, having side conversations, getting lunches ready, getting ready for bed. Who’d have ever thought it would take me two hours to watch a 40-minute long (skipping commercials) show.
As always, thanks for reading.
Good night and sweet dreams, Lovelies!