90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days

Anyone been watching this? We have Darcey, who runs around wearing a huge fake wedding set, and is already harassing boy toy Jesse to marry her haggard ass. Jesse’s father told her she was out of his league-doh.

Then we have Paul who has traveled to a remote village up the Amazon in Brazil to meet his love, Karine. He’s hadn’t bothered to learn a lick of Portuguese, and she speaks no English, so it’s already awkward. When he hugs her, he pat pat pats her back like he’s burping her. And he won’t have sex with her until she completes an STD and pregnancy screening. He doesn’t need to though. I just don’t believe his motive is safety. I think he’s a jerk who thinks she’s a dirty foreigner he has to screen before she can touch his pure American skin.

Aside from that-I get creepy weird vibes from him. And eureka, I know why.

Paulie Paul had been convicted of Felony 2nd degree Arson to defraud Insurance, he’s on probation til 2029 for that one-and if that’s not icky enough-he was convicted of violating an Emergency Protective Order and violating a Domestic Violence Order. Soooo there’s definitely more to Paul here than meets the eye. Good thing Karine’s Dad isa retired police officer. It also explains why he was wookin pa nub across borders. American women have his number. Enjoy his muggies. They say sooooo much.

Creepy creep.

Talk soon, Lovelies





90 Day Fiance:Happily Ever After? An unofficial RANTcap

I know I’m not the official recapper, but I was literally screaming at my TV last night, and if my neighbors have to hear it, you have to read it.

First the easy stuff. Anfisa and Jorge are on a break. Either she threw him out (her story) or he left when it got heated and physical (his story). He also makes it very clear that Anfisa is violent, and she had bruises on her arm during one of her scene. It looks like he has moved in the Holiday Inn on the PCH in Newport Beach, only because I’ve stayed there ONCE. Good match. Um….predicted, and whatever.

Paola is dragging Russ all over Miami to meet her “modeling” people. He pushes her manager, and it turns out they have not performed any of the stuff they were supposed to when she PAID to be represented by them. It was actually funny….the rep said that Pao had been emailed access to the booking site, Pao said she got nothing, rep continues to insist she did….then checks….nope. The idiots decide to continue to work with this other idiot. I suppose they’ve already paid for TWENTY NINE year old Pao to START a US modeling career – where the median age for models is like 12…so whatever. And BTW, all this bitching about Russ losing his job….didn’t he technically QUIT because he couldn’t get the wedding day off? Again, a whole big bag of whatever.

Danielle and Mohammed…..yeah, still a shit show. Normal sized whatever package.

I don’t have much to say about Alexi and Loren. I still like them. His parents can migrate once Alexi gets his US Citizenship. BUT, his brother will be waitlisted for up to 18 years. WHAT? Why doesn’t he get a student visa and just overstay like everyone else? I’d make a joke about the San Antonio thing, but it’s too soon even for me. Tiny little thimble of whatever.

OK…..Chanfuckingtel, what an incredily stupid entitled, vapid, self-centered, nacissist she is. And now watching her family’s actions in DR, I completely understand how monsters are created. First of all, do some fucking research. YES, it is far cheaper to purchase things in the US, and YES, people from every fucking country in the fucking world bring all kinds of electronics home when they visit. What is NOT acceptable, is insisting your husband shop at FLEA MARKETS for gifts. Would Princess Chantel deign to use/wear anything she purchased from a Flea Market? How about her mommy? Would she Christmas shop for her extremely entitled family at one? Do you know who shops at Flea Markets? Danielle! That’s right you put your mother in law in the same box as crazy as fuck Danielle. BITCH, please. She’s all bitter as shit that he sends money home. Clearly Chanfuckintel never ventured out of the resort zones of the DR. It’s a poor country, and he’s the male of the family, it is, in fact, his CULTURE to do it. It’s expected. And rent is cheaper in the DR than in downfuckingtown Atlanta.
Not for nothing, but YOU (Chanfuckingtel) told us he works 2 jobs, you’re still a student. He’s the one with an actual college degree and he’s working as a dishwasher and in a warehouse. He’s earning money, keeping you housed, you have a new car, and YOU INSISTED ON A FUCKING DIAMOND RING, and you’re bitching that he sends money home?!?! And let’s talk about the credit thing from 2 episodes ago. You’re complaining that he doesn’t have credit? Seriously?!?!? He’s been here for just over a year, and was only recently able to start working those TWO JOBS, and you get alllllllll pouty about you having to use your credit to buy the ring that you’re insisting on?!?! But back to the big trip to the DR. His family is all pissy about not getting the TV (which is in fact bigger than hers), but I understand…he promised the TV and didn’t deliver it. I think they realised that it was bugging the shit out of her family which is why they kept it up. Not a good look, but considering how the Chantel family treats Pedro, I’m letting it slide. On the other hand, the brillance of serving chicken feet to her family is exceptionally snarky. Of course Mommatel can’t even think about eating at Mommaro’s (see what I’m doing here?). And BTW Daddytel, why the fuck are you wearing a brown corduroy BLAZER over a T-shirt? UGH. Now with the families in the new apartment, Mommatel gets all enlightened about the money being sent home, and the whole fuckingtel family is convinced that Pedro is using her for money….you know, when he’s working those TWO jobs. Fuckingtel family refuses to eat, accuses Mommaro of trying to voodoo hexes (isn’t that a Haiti thing? I didn’t know voodoo was big in the DR) and poisoning the food. Then Mommatel keeps bringing up the fact that Mommaro called them crazy, stupid Americans (which they kinda are). Context alert: Mommaro was calling them that because of the PreNup thing, not an “I hate her” thing. “Context”, fuckingtel family, it’s important. She was offended and insulted that you had disrespected her son by basically accusing him of marrying Chanfuckingtel for money….you know, all that money college student’s have, especially 2fucking6 year old college students. You know, like the reason he works TWO jobs. Then they very ungracefully leave. Next up they all pile into a van for the 5 hour trip to Pedro’s grandmother, who he is stupid exicted to see and have them meet her. The families all pretend to make up and play nice. (Side note: I had no idea the DR was that big). She basically lives in a shack. She’s cooking in an open couldron over a fire in the front yard. There are a bunch of people, and a couple of dogs around. Pedro jumps out to hug his grandmother who he hasn’t seen since he moved to the US to marry the crazy bitch. The ENTIRE fuckingtel family, including Chanfuckingtel, refuses to leave the van because of “this place is in despair”, “wild dogs” and “this is where the militia is”. I cannot make this stuff up. Clearly the fuckingtel family also doesn’t wander far from Atlanta either, because there are people living in America in the same exact state of poverty. You know, a farm, in the back country. Chanfuckingtel starts bitching, you know, to the family still locked in the van refusing to even get out to meet his grandmother, about the fact that she lives in “her kitchen” or as I call it in her “student studio apartment”. And the fugly mop-headed brother starts in with that Pedro is going to drain 26 year old student Chanfuckingtel’s money and go back to the farm in despair. And he’s using her to make money in the US. I can’t even with the cultural ignorance of these people….they are every single ugly American stereotype and extra, extra of it. Pedro tries to get them out of the car, but Mommatel just keeps telling him they’ll talk at the hotel. He is literally begging them to get out. He has to go back to the family and explain that they won’t get out. They all work themselves into a entitled tizzy and Chanfuckingtel finally exits the van. She immediately goes to the grandmother to introduce herself and apologise…just kidding, of COURSE she doesn’t do anything remotely having to do with graciousness and manners. She just got out to drag Pedro into the house to start a fight. She’s keeps saying she deserves a bigger apartment….he keeps trying to explain that rent is cheaper in DR. Of course she doesn’t get it, because she fundamentally thinks she’s better than him and everyone else. He tells her she has a new car and doesn’t really work, because she’s a 26 year old student. Pedro needs to understand that she CLEARLY married him, for him to work 2 jobs, get her a better apartment while she works on her 10+ year college plan. And for a girl who acts like she only speaks a bit of Spanish and doesn’t really know it, and doesn’t really understand it…she suddenly flips the switch and boy can she fight in Spanish. And in front of his entire famiy, you know, the ones that only speak Spanish. The fuckingtel family then say they think Pedro is being brainwashed (again, I cannot make this shit up) TAKES THE VAN AND LEAVES. You know, the van his family came in with them? Yeah, that van. We leave the happy couple with his family getting ready to go all kinds of Dominican. I can only hope. Let’s remember her family doesn’t trust him because of HER LIES. She made him lie, he didn’t want to. And Sistero don’t you call my country “Gringoland”, and please, please, please go all extra Dominican!!!!! And there’s my giantic box of whatever.

90 Day Fiance Discussion

I’m just gonna dive right in.

Mohamed doesn’t quite understand the process and definition of apology, apparently. Danielle’s sister seems to be more with it than Danielle? Like, definitely operating at a fuller mental capacity? But still. They all just need to leave each other aloooone.

I dislike Chantal more and more. She tells her parents that Pwdro is skipping out in the dinner because “he’s uncomfortable” kind of putting it on him-but she needs to say “I put Pedro in a terrible position with you all with my huge lie, and he feels like you blame him for it but it was really all my idea and doing”. She doesn’t seem to want to do that, she likes them to think he’s the problem. I do not like her. Immature spoiled brat. Speaking of spoiled brats, her brother River? Asshole. He’s rude and disrespectful to Pedro for nooooo reason, and it’s completely Chantal’s fault.

Next-Loren. I don’t like how rude Alex is to her friend, but that’s Lorens fault as well for letting her friend take the hit. It’s really stupid, the whole bachelor party thing. Big fat deal-you’re married now. Fess up, Loren!!

Jorge and Anfisa. I hate them both and they deserve to make each other miserable forever. That’s all I got for those 2.


Talk soon Lovelies

90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After

I am SO excited that the show (well, a version of it) is back!! I don’t much want to watch porn-star-gold-digger Anfisa or her pathetic puppy husband Jorge but I’ll suffer through. I can’t stand her.

I love Paola and Russ, I can’t stop watching the absolute train wreck that is Mo and Danielle, and I love Loren and Alex.

I was going to recap but there’s so much back story for people that have never seen it-I feel like it wouldn’t make sense. But I have to talk about it. Have to.

I haven’t seen the episode yet, I DVR’d it and I’ve got an appointment at 9, so I’ll watch as soon as I get home. Can’t wait. In the meantime-discuss!

Talk soon Lovelies