Once again, I apologize for my lack of recapping last week. It was such a hectic week. Also, please forgive me for splitting the recap in two. There were a few reasons: 1) It took me an hour and a hlaf to get through 30 minutes of this shit show, 2) I couldn’t take it anymore, and 3) it’s 10:40 p.m. and I am tired. I’ll do part two tomorrow!
For those of you keeping up, last week on The Real Housewives of Potomac:
Karen brought Gizelle and Monique together at a lunch to talk things out. Monique brought Charrisse with her as back up.
Robyn started therapy.
Monique threw Milani a carnival party for her first birthday. This occurred at the Samuels’ lake house two hours out of town and everyone BUT Gizelle was invited
Ashley and Michael played Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze from Ghost and made clay pots. Michael made a sexual innuendo comment. He’s gross. Ashley doesn’t want a baby right now
Karen decided the ladies needed a trip, so asked Charrisse to help her plan a trip to Bermuda. Charrisse took that to mean “co-host” and was put in her place by Karen
Oh, and big news of the episode – The Hugers sold their house… but they have nowhere to live yet.
Now, let’s get to the Bermuda trip!
But first, Gizelle is cooking with her daughters. She does seem to be a good mom. Her mom is coming to stay with the girls while Gizelle is in Bermuda, so they are preparing for that. Gizelle’s mom grills her about her dating life. Gizelle has actually decided to break up with Kevin and doesn’t want to tell her mom since her mom loves him so much. Gizelle tells her mom and surprisingly, her mom is supportive of the decision.
As they eat dinner, Gizelle lays down the rules for while she’s gone. Rule number 1: Work on a book report. Rule number 2: Call her twice a day. Rule number 3: Remember to brush your teeth. The girls try to negotiate with her, but she’s not having it. Grandma says there are no rules and the girls are excited about that. Gizelle says she’ll run the house from Bermuda. Gizelle says she’s looking forward to the trip, except for Monique. Cue flashbacks to Monique’s game night. She says oh well, she’ll deal with it.
At the Dixon house, Robyn is cooking and the boys are punching each other. What is it about boys that they have to punch each other all the time? Lordy! Haha! One has more eggs than the other. Robyn has decided not to tell Juan about the assignment her therapist gave her – go out on three dates. She thinks Juan won’t want to hear about it and wouldn’t want her to go. OMG! The older boy just told her to get her hairline fixed and that her wig looks ugly. LOL! Robyn goes to lie down as her son says “girl, bye!”
At the Huger home, it’s 5:30 a.m., and Karen is just getting ready to leave for Bermuda. DBBG asks her if she’s got everything and if she has a couple credit cards. She says yes, his. LOL. In the car, she thinks it’s the last time she’ll see the house and DBBG says she’s escaping all the work. Karen says she packed one crystal cabinet. They’ve found a house in Great Falls, Virginia. Sidenote: WHY DON’T THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE IN POTOMAC???? CALL IT DC, FFS. OR, YOU KNOW… LIVE IN THE TOWN IN THE TITLE! Sorry. Moving on… she hasn’t told the girls yet. Question – now that I’m watching, how is it 5:30 a.m.? It’s pitch black. Here, at 5:30 a.m., there’s some light as the sun comes up. Is it that dark at 5:30 a.m. where you all are? Well, except for the Arizona and Hawaii people, who don’t observe DST… and people outside of the U.S.
Karen is taking about Charrisse thinking she’s a co-host and how Charrisse is wrong. LOL. Oh, it’s getting a little light. But still though…
The ladies arrive at the airport. Charrisse takes a Lyft and looks in her wallet for cash for a tip, but #richpeopleproblems, she only has 50s. So she gives one to the driver. She meets up with Karen for fake hellos. Oh Lord, she mentioned Sha Sha.
The ladies all arrive and board the plane. Monique plans on getting wasted. They arrive in Bermuda to a sign that says “Huger and guests.” Charrisse snarks that is should say “Jordan” and Ashley is “utterly confused” as to who is hosting this event. Bermuda is gorgeous!!! On the bus, they mention that it’s Charrisse’s birthday, but Charrisse mentions that the day before was her and Eddie’s anniversary and she texted him. Haha
At the resort, the ladies check in and Karen says she’s planned a dinner for them. They all go to their rooms. Karen has welcome baskets in the rooms with a note signed by her only. The ladies are confused as to why Charrisse isn’t included and discuss it amongst themselves. Ashley and Monique press Charrisse for info, and Charrisse wonders if there’s a basket in her room. She’s annoyed that Karen is actively excluding her and playing games.
OMG, FINALLY!!!! A commercial. Good Lord, I feel like this show should be almost over. LONGEST. INTRO. EVER. 51 minutes to go.
You guys… I’m in the middle of a war. We have MICE! They have eaten through two, TWO!!!, plastic bins of dog food, so I had to buy a metal kitchen trash can to put the food in. We got a couple of those traps where the mice can crawl in and get the poison and can’t crawl out. However, these effing mice are getting out. Fine, at least they are eating the poison. The downside to that is that I’ve now found 5 mice barely alive on the garage floor. They have been scooped up, put in paper bags, and thrown in the trash. The bad thing is trash day isn’t until Monday, so I really hope they don’t start to smell once they die. Also, I can’t clean this house enough. I feel like they are here because the house is dirty. I know that’s not the case (it’s because of the overgrown backyard), but still. I made a joke about wanting to leave the tiny carcasses where they lay as a message to the other mice. Because of that, I was compared to the Lannisters in Game of Thrones. LOL. I am now Mad Queen Cersei. Haha…. My family thinks they are comedians.
Anyway, back to the shit show going on in Bermuda.
Back in Bermuda, Charrisse opens the door to her room and holy crap, it’s a loft suite! It’s gorgeous and amazing and I want to live there. There is a basket for Charrisse.
Robyn and Gizelle are talking and the conversation leads to Monique. Robyn says (in her talking head) that it’s stupid. Grow up, ladies. Karen is flirting with the bellhop. The ladies head down to dinner. WTF is Gizelle wearing? Hot pink shorts, a black top and knee high boots? WTF? Karen arrives in a horrible dress/moomoo. OMG, she’s hired a dance troop. Charrisse arrives as the dancers are there and dances in with them. LOL. At least she’s having fun. This brings all the other ladies out to dance. They sit down and order drinks and appetizers. Karen mentions it would be nicer if there was a fan above them and Charrisse snarks that if Karen had worked with her, there would have been a fan. Karen’s eyes are rolling so far back in her head. Monique mentions that she was surprised that the gift wasn’t from both Karen and Charrisse and Karen says that it’s only from her because it’s what she does as the host. Good Lord, these women. Karen climbs up to her ivory tower and looks down at the ladies. Ashley throws out my favorite quote of the episode (and we haven’t even had two commercial breaks yet): “Girl, you sure are sweatin a little bit… like a ho in church.”
Karen’s insistent that it’s “their trip” and throws enough attitude to make it awkward. Charrisse says she’s excited they are all together, and that hasn’t happened since Milani’s party. And now the discussion about why Gizelle wasn’t invited. Monique says it was Milani’s birthday and christening and she didn’t want it to be weird. Gizelle says she wouldn’t have come anyway. So much attitude from Gizelle.
The ladies chat and Robyn tells them about the therapist’s dating assignment. Karen snarks in her talking head about it. Monique tells the ladies the Potomac house closes the next day and she’s got to start packing. Karen finally tells the ladies the house sold and….
Commercial 2 – 39 minutes to go: During the cleaning frenzy, I moved the furniture around in the living room. There are two couches. The old red one from my old house and the nice, new La-Z-Boy couch purchased a year ago. I hate the red couch and want to get rid of it. But am afraid there won’t be enough places to sit. So, it stays until the love seat that matches the new couch can be purchased. I also doused the living room carpet with Arm and Hammer pet cleaner powder and vacuumed it all up. The living room smells fresh, but man, it is strong. I’ve sneezed about a half dozen times. Hopefully, it fades a bit. It did get my carpet really clean. Got all the dog hair up… just in time for the shedding to begin.
Meanwhile, back in Bermuda…
Karen is still waffling on telling the ladies she’s moving out of Potomac and is beating around the bush. So, she declines to answer the question as to where she’s moving. Monique says they need to go to Charrisse’s room because it’s two floors and Karen. Is. Pissed!! She snarks about thinking that Eddie cut her off and Charrisse blows off the comment like it was nothing. The ladies go up to Charrisse’s room and are all amazed at the room. Karen is livid. She pulls Gizelle aside and says that as a surprise for the ladies, she’s arranged for them to sail with the “American Cup.” Okay, so, if I’d have recapped last week, you would have known that during Karen and Charrisse’s “planning” session, Charrisse said she wanted to host a boating trip for the ladies while in Bermuda. So, holy bitch move, Karen. Also, Karen, Honey… it’s AMERICA’S Cup. And they aren’t even sailing with the U.S. team. They are going with Team Japan. Thanks to DBBG pulling some strings. But, the caveat is that she can only take two people. Of course, since she’s telling Gizelle, she’s one. Gizelle nominates Robyn to be the other. Karen decides no, and invites Monique without Gizelle knowing. Also, STOP CALLING IT THE AMERCAN CUP. Anyway, she’s meddling and this isn’t going to go well… Monique calls it shady. She doesn’t know it’s with Gizelle.
Charrisse says she’s hired a makeup artist to do everyone’s makeup. Not to be outdone, Karen says she’s got the hair dresser. Who says hair dresser these days? Except my 94 year old grandmother. Charrisse is so annoyed. Charrisse says she has to go to bed and kicks the ladies out of her room. LOL. She’s so over it.
The next morning, the ladies get ready for the beach and Charrisse arrives at Robyn’s room. They chat about dating and the conversation moves to Charrisse and Eddie’s divorce.
Karen and Gizelle are on the bus waiting for the “surprise guest” to go sailing with Team Japan (FYI, they can only do that because they lost and are out of the competition… I looked it up. It’s a rematch between team Oracle (USA) and team Australia) when oh, look who arrives… Monique! Gizelle is shocked and says nothing to Monique. Karen is trying to be peacemaker. Not surprisingly, in a split screen of Gizelle and Monique, they are both rolling their eyes and heads. Karen needs to stop meddling. Gizelle doesn’t even want to go anymore.
Commercial 3 – 29 minutes to go: Brief comment about the America’s Cup. I watched the races when the competition was in San Francisco 4 years ago. It was amazing and fun. We could see team Oracle’s boat from ATT Park while at San Francisco Giants games. I always poo pooed sailing because it seemed like an uppity hobby, but I took a lesson and it was so much fun and now I want a sail boat. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with any boat. Sail boats wouldn’t be the smartest on the river here in Sacramento. But up in Lake Tahoe? Or out on San Francisco Bay? Man, I wish money grew on trees!
Again, thanks for reading this first half, and I will finish the second half tomorrow!
Night, night, Lovelies!