Southern Charm: The Hangover

So I fell asleep half way through the show and that doesn’t seem like a good omen. In my defense, I spent the weekend at the beach on my 1st days off in weeks and am now back to 7 days a week. BOOO!!

Opens with a party in the park with lots of animals and Thomas with the kids. Kenzie has weird pony tales, like one in front of her head and one on the side.

Naomi is painting Craig’s toes and I think he’s being particular and she snaps at him. Not sure what the heck is going on.

Landon leaves Thomas a message she isn’t coming to the party.

Kathryn is with Elizabeth and going to the party with her.

Cameran and Ms Pat are being driven to the party in a Bentley trashing Kathryn.

As Kathryn and Elizabeth come up to the park, Thomas says, “The mother is here.” Awkward way to say it. She is greeting the kids and watching Kenzie help herself to sweet tea. Thomas and Kathryn are very awkward without much to say….been there myself!

Danni comes and Kathryn hugs her. JD arrives with a kid and hugs Thomas and asks how he and KD are doing. Cameran and Pat come in and Kathryn has a look of disgust on her face. Cameran goes to hug her and Pat walks full circle to avoid her.

Jennifer comes with her baby and Kathryn again has a look of disgust and ignores her.  Chelsea and Austen come together followed by Shep. Jennifer waves at Kathryn, Kathryn walks past her and ignores her completely. Ignores her son. Stands a few feet from her and doesn’t even acknowledge her presence. I have so many nasty things to say about Kathryn.

All this talk about headshots. Whatever. Pat says she has no intention of having a conversation with Kathryn and why should she. She’s had some significant work on her face and looks odd in her candids. She’s shown on the phone calling Michael to bring the car and tells Cam to catch a ride home and gets out of dodge! Can’t blame her. She’s 90000 years old and needs a martini in her mumu not cake and punch in a park.

I got distracted by a pimple in some random place on my face (way too old for this shit) but they are still at this party. Warning…. I might fall asleep again.

Landon is meeting Jennifer on a rooftop with a large gift for Jennifer’s baby. Some present she didn’t give her at the sip and see. It’s a white pillow with white embroidered Asher. Jennifer tells her how awkward it was and how they actually got along with no cross words.  Again it comes up that Patricia wants her to be in a relationship with Thomas. Jennifer says maybe someone like Thomas. More about the plant, oh wait, I mean innocent bystander who thinks they are soulmates. I think Jennifer is now telling her to try him on.

Thomas is being greeted by Michael. He and Pat are talking. Again Pat’s candid looks insane with the bad surgery/filler/whatever. Now back to him and Landon and her giving mixed messages. OY! He just said she’s perfect as a future Mrs. Ravenel. Pat is telling him how to court her and suggests they go for a walk. That explains the opening scene of the season.

Cameran is at her therapists office. All about how she’s ready for babies. I think this chick’s biological clock has been screaming and that she and her husband had baby plans down to the month they wanted to get pregnant. Wah wah she’s robbing her husband of being an incredible father. Boo freaking hoo! She’s a better actress than I thought.

Austen and Chelsea are going crabbing. She’s teaching him the real way to crab. He says last time he caught them he went to the doctor and he cleared it up. WTF! I have been crabbing. We do it her cheating way where you throw a baited trap in and pull it out with a ton of crabs. She is putting bait on a line and then hoping you find one and scoop it with a net. Crazy and too much work but it gives them something to film. It’s Chik-fil-A for dinner for them.

Thomas’ house with some sexy music like an old school 1950s stripper or maybe a Rock Hudson and Doris Day movie. Thomas is washing his face and getting pretty. Then Landon’s house and she’s answering the call from her partner. Thomas is walking out of his house and I am sure walking to Landon’s. OMG She’s talking site names…. wayfair? only one of the biggest online stores – taken you dolt! Galavant? Orbit? Only a huge online travel site. Back to the bitchy comment of Thomas showing up with a single rose and she says for future reference orchids are my favorite. Oh boohoo her house is for sale and it’s a million dollars and she can’t afford it. Thomas offered her a short term loan.

Now we are on the bench where the whole season opened. Landon, Charlotte the dog and Thomas. OMG more of the lady saying they are soulmates. Landon says she’s happy when she’s with him. Thomas tells her to take a chance on him. They head out for wine.

Oh crap I think I missed below deck last week!! Sorry. It’s raining here so I will miss it this week most likely. Cable has been out for a long while. I won’t complain as we are still way behind rainfall.

Naomi and Craig are bickering in the car and Gizmo is the only part I like. They are ordering their food via speakerbox. For real? It’s McDonald’s. They are doing final walk through on the new house he bought….. carrying Gizmo. I tuned out a bunch of other stuff. Naomi says she’s very proud of you for not blowing it – kind of passive aggressive girl! You can’t be my favorite if you are being this bitchy. They are starting the trip planning. She’s including “all the monkeys” referring to Kathryn. Naomi tells them (Cameran and Craig) that Landon told her yesterday that Thomas showed up at her house professing his love. Oh damn! Cameran says of all the women in Charleston he goes for Lando! Now she wonders if they weren’t having sex in London. Well duh!! I totally believe she’s been after him from day 1. I don’t think Kathryn was paranoid or imagining that. Landon has had an agenda.

Now we are at Chelsea’s house and she’s opening a bottle of wine and there is a tall man at the door……………. it’s not Austen but SHEP! He asks her for a beer.  He mentions Cameran is showing him a house tomorrow near the beach because his current place is party central. He brings up Austen.  I am totally tuned out here. I just heard something about we smooched and I have to wait for you to come home from a wedding before hearing from you? I am not that kind of girl.

Cameran is at the house on the beach. It’s a cute little place. Very little and needs a remodel. Couple of big dogs come running up to the back door. She leaves a message for Shep who is not answering.  She’s pacing the yard looking at her watch calling him over and over. Hours and hours later she realizes he’s in bed and drives to his house. Calls Chelsea on the way and tells her and she says, oh he was at my house last night. He got an uber to go party with his cousins downtown. She is not happy. When he doesn’t answer the door she walks in because of course it’s unlocked.

Sheppy…… Shep…. beer cans, empty liquor bottles and wine bottles and over flowing ashtrays. His house probably smells horrendous. She goes up to his bedroom and he’s in bed, fully dressed. She tells him it’s 1pm and all he says is how did you get in? She lectures him and he says this is why he’s leaving this place. The staff from the Commodore came over to party. Um, dude. You are the owner. Don’t let them party and trash your house (probably at your expense no less). You don’t have to move, just get some balls!

Photo shoot is previewed for the next episode, Shep says he needs help and is being weird. Austen and Shep are fighting over Chelsea, Naomi and Craig are fighting. Same old same old.

When is this going to explode? I have heard about hospitalizations and I think even an arrest but not until we get to Key West. Come on and speed up!

Off to hope my Hello Fresh box gets here soon! I am starving and not going to go to the grocery store!!!



One thought on “Southern Charm: The Hangover

  1. Thanks for the good recap. I am so glad that I missed the grass growing in old Savannah. There isn’t enough testosterone in all these hipster men together to be of any use. Landon (a poor) lands a big fish (drunken Viagra-popping bon vivant). And they lived happily ever after. 😵


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