Southern Charm: Sari, Not Sari

Cameran and Chelsea are chatting about her and Austen.

Hmmm, Kathryn leaving Whitney a message. She wants to catch up.

Naomi is talking to Craig while they drive down the road in what looks like their Porshe and he is yawning through her talking and I am distracted by the trash cup in the backseat.

Thomas is driving Kenzie and telling her about her city and architecture etc.  The bridge named after her granddad, the house owned by her great great great grandfather then another house owned by the triple g granddaddy.

Naomi and Craig walk into counselling. They are told to sit in separate seats for eye contact and Craig looks at floor most of the time. He whines about her not being on his side. She points out that he will undercut her as he claims she does to him every time. She’s too good for him. I think I liked it better when I thought they were for TV only. I suspect they may be a real couple and a real dysfunctional one at that.  Oy! Now they are arguing about what yelling is. OMG Craig is saying he’s never yelled at her or called her names in front of an audience. She is incredulous and we are shown flashbacks of him doing this exact thing. I like him less and less every episode.

Landon is meeting up with Austen at a bar for shots and beers. Out of dixie cups no less! Austen says he had to temper his drinking because Chelsea isn’t the kind of girl to let him wiggle on top of her while drunk. It was actually kind of funny. Landon claims that Thomas texted her asking if she loved him. I can see it when he’s drunk. HAHAH Austen says you want Thomas’ money. Shep wlaks in and Landon says she has a new Shep. Shep thinks they look like they are on a date.

I just love Charleston. The homes on the battery are just awesome. Thomas is going to his father’s office. He has stuff from the museum of confederacy and a cute painting of Thomas from the Citadel when he was just a teen. His father’s house was bought for 25k and is worth 3-4 million now. His father was in state senate and congress and is a massive developer. Kathryn has the kids this weekend. Thomas is the youngest of 6. For some reason I didn’t realize that. I thought he was a middle child for some reason.

Chelsea and Austen are at a skyzone type place playing on the trampolines. He wins a kiss and she says he has a boner. It’s a whole lot of talk about being sweaty and was he like that when they had sex. Talk about his sister who passed away when he was 7 and she was 10. He’s telling the tail about how she fell off Chimney Rock. He is incredibly sensitive and touching when he tells the story.   I had a full on panic attack at the top of Chimney Rock. I am scared of heights. This is the ultimate test I think. My daughter was 5 at the time. What you can’t see in the photos is that the fence is literally just above your knees in height. Add to that you are elevated at the top of the mound so its literally by your calves. I lost my ever loving mind on top where it is incredibly windy and was screaming at my daughter like a banshee to get back to the stairs. She thought I was insane. Now I know I am not. When I typed chimney rock into my rock solid source google, it autopopulated with deaths! It was one of the most terrifying things I have done. I feel justified but very sad for his family. I can imagine because it kept flashing through my head that it was going to happen to me. You are 2200 feet in the air on this little mound with this ridiculously inadequate fence and winds whipping like you wouldn’t believe.  I found the news story of her fall. She didn’t fall from the top here but rather a trail. Still a fall of 150-200 feet – the whole place is terrifying if spectacularly beautiful.

Chimney Rock, the 535-million-year-old monolith for which the Park is named, is considered one of the most iconic sites in North Carolina. From its top, you’ll soak in the 75-mile panoramic views of Hickory Nut Gorge and Lake Lure. You can hike to the top of this towering 315-foot granite outcropping located on the very edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains. At an elevation of 2,280 feet above sea level, this mountaintop experience will take your breath away. The climb is well worth the effort!chimneyrock_state

We are with the gold digger extraordinaire and her friend Georgette Mosbacher.  Georgette is also 70 and looks better than I do. Disturbing. She owns La Prairie cosmetics. That’s the one with the cream that is several hundred dollars. Maybe it works. Yup, this is all just her fancy face cream making her look this good. Off to Neiman’s I go! OMG I am so excited. We are planning a long weekend to DC in June and I just sent my daughter (now 12) a bunch of links regarding the superstitions surrounding the Hope Diamond as we plan to see it at the Smithsonian. If you don’t know all the tales, it’s just a big expensive, pretty rock. Sitting at 45 karats and the size of a walnut and a stunning blue. Anyway, I probably confuse you. See, in 1990, Georgette did a photo shoot wearing the diamond scoffing at the superstitions. It was to celebrate a 1 million dollar gift for the display of it. The diamond is worth well over 100 million. I may have to try to pocket it while I am at the museum. It’s probably a piece of cake since the superstitions keep everyone away they don’t need security.  But I digress….. a lot. Back to SC.  I missed something about her cocktail because I focused back at her needing Meyer lemons specifically (those are my favorite by the way – a bit sweeter than regular lemons and the size of a grapefruit). Seems Georgette is partner in the caftan line.  Georgette says she will walk out of the party if they don’t all behave. Pretentious much?

WHAT?!?!?!?! Kathryn shows up at Chelsea’s salon for a hair appt. Talk is of her getting back into modelling and getting Kenzie into it. Kathryn looks good with natural looking makeup and a lack of her ridiculously long false eyelashes.  She is saying in her confessional that she doesn’t trust Thomas and she thinks the olive branch is a trap.

Flash to Thomas talking with what seems to be a contractor. JD walks in. I am sure we are about to hear about Kathryn’s visit. Yup, immediately we go to that. JD says she looks good and seems sincere and together. Kathryn wrote him a nice letter to Thomas. He is surprised by it. She’s full of regret, apologies, etc.

Now to Kathryn at the salon talking about how she feels bad that she doesn’t make him feel loved. Thomas is desperate for his father’s approval and that was the purpose of the kids. She would give him a big hug and tell him she loves him if she saw him. But not in love. One of the main reasons she stayed with him was to show him there are good people in the world who love you and won’t leave you. Then she cries. Um, she’s the good person?

Back to Thomas reading the letter about how she loves him always and will always be there and signs it Katie. He says he doesn’t know what to think, she’s always right, everyone else is always wrong, she never apologizes and then a flashback of all her crazy upon crazy behavior. JD tells him the same thing – you have an olive branch reach it back! Thomas says he thinks it could be a trap.

At Patricia’s and she and Georgette are wearing their caftans with dogs. If I were a rich, 70 year old woman who looked as good as these 2, I would be wearing slinky, sexy clothes. Oh who am I kidding. Jammies every day!

The girls are having trouble getting the sari’s on. I got to wear one once. They are stunning but a pain in the butt. OMG Craig, he’s saying to Naomi please don’t treat me like a piece of shit. Whitney’s gal pal is seriously underweight and the dress does her no favors. Whit’s jacket has a camo lining. Cameran looks amazing. She wants a caftan with Whit’s face on it LOL. Landon loos good but not nearly as good as Cameran. Thomas arrives followed by Craig and Naomi. Naomi looks stunning as well. Then Shep shows up. Michael is wearing a turbin. Whitney introduces Georgette and they lay down the rules. No 4 letter words and then Georgette says no politics, religion or sex. Cameran says what do you talk about then? Cameran says Oh Snap (I despise that phrase especially coming out of a 30 something woman). Georgette is wearing the golconda diamond. My rock solid sources (rock heee hee hee see what I did there) say they are a more elusive diamond and her’s is 20 karats. Georgette wrote a book, “It Takes Money Honey”.

The Indian healer/psychic arrives. You get to ask questions for whomever is in the chair though vs yourself.  Cam goes first. Thomas asks if Motherhood is in her future. Definitely by the end of 2017. I am betting she was pregnant here. She’s going to have 3 kids.

Craig is in the seat. Shep asks if he will ever admit law isn’t his try fashion. Pyschic says it is his true passion. Pat asks when he will pass the bar and she says by end of this year and will own his own law firm. They ask if Naomi has questions. She says no. Craig asks what his and Naomi’s energy is. She says soulmate, rest of lives together and their connection is very strong. Next they ask if Shep will ever be married and she says not anytime soon. He’s not marriage material now. But his fear is being alone for the rest of his life. He disagrees and says his fear is the monotony of monogomy. Landon is up next and Craig asks if her soul connects to anyone in the room. She says that there is a soulmate connection to someone in the room. She won’t name drop.  Whit next and Cam asks if she will give Pat a grandchild. Yes. Pat asks if she will still be alive. LOL  In the candid she says she will believe it when she sees it. Thomas is up and Cam says OH SNAP and I want to slap her! You aren’t 12 Cam. Whit mentions he is going thru custody and Kathryn is going through 12 steps and wants to meet and make amends. Landon says she’s trying to social climb her way back in through Whitney. UGH I can’t stand Landon! Whit asks how the psychic perceives this ending up. Craig starts running his mouth and blah blah and Cam says that until they sort out their relationship that they should all stay out of it.  Georgette is offended that Shep said how fucking stupid. It is a total cluster with Craig and Shep saying to let Kathryn in and the girls saying stay out of it. OK, Cam saying stay out of it and Landon just running her mouth. I kind of agree with Cam. Whit and Kathryn have a very bad history. I greatly dislike Craig. We have an argument outside between Craig, Shep and Cam. I have to agree with Cam that they all need to stay out of their business until they get themselves in a good place. What do you guys think?

Previews show Landon and her boyfriend talking about how she’s so old and her eggs are drying up. This is probably the lead up to their break up. He’s in college or something and doesn’t want to be making babies and her clock is ticking. Then Whit and Cam walking into lunch with Kathryn.  Craig and Austen golfing and talking about Chelsea and Shep. Kathryn and Elizabeth about to read the letter from Thomas.

Things are definitely heating up!


2 thoughts on “Southern Charm: Sari, Not Sari

  1. Landon was wearing t-shirt under her Sari. Which is a joke considering how “cultured” she is. I bet she doesn’t have a single friend who is a person of color. I think at this stage they have no evidence of Katherine relapsing and it is the high road to let her do her amends.


  2. Thanks for the great recap. Just a few observations. When Whitney was introducing Georgette, it sounded like he was introducing royalty. Craig is a complete jerk to Naomi contradicting everything she says. I would throat punch him if he talked that way to me especially when I was paying the bills and he was still sewing. Cameron sure has changed her attitude about having babies. Her husband must have said he wants babies or he is out. Landon is playing Thomas like a violin. Her putting him off is only making him want her more so he can have someone to take care of those adorable children of his. She’s still young enough to chase them around and be able to host his dinner parties.


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