Southern Charm: Foul Play and tales of my adventures in gold-digging

Screenshot_20170516-173757Good evening friends! We open with a quick and cute montage of everyone then cutting to Kathryn going to JD and Elizabeth’s house. Kathryn looks ridiculous. This is season 1 Kathryn with the insanely long fake eyelashes and her hair is weird and I think the choker thing is just odd. I paused it and the freeze frame she looks like Ellie May from the Beverly Hillbillies. It was when she was saying how Jennifer had an affair with Thomas. She was bent out of shape because Jennifer didn’t invite her and did invite Thomas. Yo, Kathryn, do you not remember the nasty bitch you were at lunch last week over a damn hankie? JD actually has a nice response to that. Very direct about how everyone is on edge kind of thing. Oh my, Thomas texted her wanting to see if she wants a conversation. First time in 9 months that she’s heard from them. She wanted their advice on how she should respond.  I have never been a fan of JD at all! But he is actually very respectful and correct in this conversation about putting everything aside and learning to parent together. He encourages them to be civil and talk. First time EVER that I have liked JD.

Shep goes jogging to Whitney’s house. I doubt it is that far to be honest. 5 days clean and sober. He’s doing laundry and reading books and downing the ice cream! Shep is planning a quail hunt. I see Shep hunting, Thomas and maybe JD. I don’t see Whitney managing it.  I just don’t see these 2 hanging out in real life.

Craig is all doubtful of his relationship with Naomi. He said, “Naomi is giving me feelings of doubt.” Way to not take any responsibility. She asks him if he wants to talk about this weekend and he replies with I have work to do. Ok Mr Unemployed man, what work? He turns around and she says calmly, please stop turning your back to me, it’s very rude. Agreed girl! She asks him point blank for an apology for talking to her that way and he flat out says he wasn’t in the wrong and she was out of control. They argue back and forth about him being late and why she left him. That she aired their dirty laundry  – and you didn’t Craig? Naomi is laying down the law and not taking any shit. Craig is being a super dick I think. She says she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore until there is a couples counselor and they needed better tools to communicate. Craig is willing. Craig is all about no one getting in their business yet his nose is in the whole world’s business! I have seen his nosy ass poking around my house here in Florida and telling tales of my doings. Ok, not really but he is that bad. Maybe I just haven’t noticed him yet.

Oh lordy, Whitney has to go shopping for hunting clothes for an “ensemble”. Austen has never been. Do you think that Jeep sponsors this show since 3 of the 8 cast drive one? And Craig went to Dick’s sporting goods while the rest of the boys are at a fancy, schmancy gentleman’s shop. Oh Shep is having Austen bring Chelsea – AWKWARD, well if Shep was legitimately interested it would be, but I don’t think he is. Thomas can’t come because he is a felon. He did come on the last hunting trip at Shep’s family’s land but he didn’t hunt. Wonder if he got in trouble since he’s not going on this one at all. Sorry, but my super secret rock solid sources are silent here.Whitney has had considerable work done on his face – I think just fillers, peels and far too much botox.  See the many sides of Whitney:

Image result for madame the puppet

Image result for whitney sudler smith

Landon is kissing ass and taking lessons from my Gold Digging idol and having bourbon slushies.  They look yummy. So my GD Goddess is preaching the prenup, Thomas, etc. Landon spills the beans about them going to lunch. She admits he has a lot of the qualities she is looking for in a relationship. Sure does, a whole heck of a lot of zeros in the bank account. I have 1 gigantic 0 in mine. I prefer 7 or 8 zeros. Chauncey gets hand fed by Butler Michael. Landon points out that Thomas is a felon and has a world of problems that she can’t relate to.

Buckle up kids – my Gold Digging Goddess is about to lay down the to do list for a successful win!

  1. You must have a mate who is your equal or better in terms of education, background and what they can offer you. Remember, she successfully stepped up with each marriage ending with a 9 figure hubby 21 years her senior! WIN!
  2. She specifically says it takes money and that when she was 20 she found older men more attractive because they were more established aka rolling in the dough!

NO!!!!! We cut the lessons to see Thomas getting the babies ready for a visit with mommy.

OH yeah!! Back to lessons! Landon points out that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with Thomas until everything is finalized with Kathryn. She says it was so crazy when she wasn’t involved, so imagine how crazy it would be if she was. Sure Landon, you two weren’t involved at all!

Chelsea has her own gun I guess. Whitney just bought one. Shep is all ready to go. Whit is bringing a Louis Vuitton bag hunting. He kind of reminds me of Elmer Fudd. Who is Sammy? (just realized Sammy is the dog) Drew can’t come because he has curfew, I mean work. Chelsea is drooling over some dude in a truck and talking about how it turns her on. Austen isn’t that guy. He looks uncomfortable. Cameran won’t let the Chelsea thing die. Craig forgot his boots. At least he isn’t late 🙂 Thomas calls in and will be coming out for drinks and dinner.

Place is cute!! Ok, inside is gorgeous. Jackson cottage at the Dorchester Shooting Preserve in Midway, Georgia according to my super secret sources named Dr. Google. Shep is all camo’d out and Craig is in a loose tank top. Craig got boots from Walmart. OMG change Whitney’s hat and he would be Elmer Fudd!!! I want a drop eared hat on him. Chef will cook whatever they shoot. Craig forgot everything! Chelsea and Landon are the only girls on the hunt. The kickback almost knocked Landon on her ass. Austen is loving quail hunting and is excelling. Chelsea is teasing him about being a redneck.

Cameran and Elizabeth are fishing and both have hooked something. Cam can’t get it in and she got nothing! I am betting they hooked on each other. Whitney can’t get squat! JD says Whitney is ready for a photo shoot, not a quail shoot and Craig would probably shoot a dog then nearly does! Naomi shows up at the pond.

Shep asks Craig is they’ve patched things up and Craig says yes, we are so strong. Whitney asked what the fight was about and Craig talks about how he’s such a private person with delicate stuff like that – i.e., him being in the shower and running late.  Whitney rolled his eyes as much as his botox would let him.

The ladies are all dressed up. Landon won my heart just now. Lovely appetizers are out and they ask if they should wait and she says just eat they will never know it was here. Don’t get between me and food! Chelsea and Austen aren’t answering the phone. Maybe they are getting busy! Shep starts with a gigantic glass of whiskey.  Chelsea and Austen show up and Shep is being all polite. Austen is pumped over how good he is at hunting. Oh, the question asked what were they doing when they were calling… things!!!! They are alone in the cabin and haven’t decided who is sleeping with whom. Finally Cameran realizes that Shep and Chelsea are a no go. Thomas arrives and the party kicks off.

Does anyone else find it unusual that the chargers for their plates are cutting boards?

Landon is super cozy with Austen. Carrying on about how adorable he is and is super loud. Shep and Cam are talking about something is going on between those two. Thomas is watching her massage on Austen’s shoulder. She is loud, touchy, laughy, etc all over Landon. I think it was less about her having a thing for Austen and more her wanting to make Thomas jealous.

Now dinner is being served on a cutting board. Some states won’t let you use cutting boards in restaurants because they breed bacteria and can’t be washed like normal plates. My way saying I am grossed out! OMG Saint has the best laugh ever! Thomas is talking about how he enjoys spending time with his kids. Whitney can’t speak English – I guess because no idea how to say amicable with a french accent. Elizabeth chimes in about Kathryn’s desires to be better. We have the knowledge of hindsight and know that this was just maybe a blip of a moment of clarity for Kathryn. Landon runs down again why she won’t be with Thomas.

Shep tells them to come to his cabin because they have lots of alcohol. He said he just wanted to know that he could put the breaks on if he wanted to and is next seen drinking straight from the bottle and very drunk – like falling down off of Whitney drunk. Austen and Chelsea head out with Whitney telling him not to cum too fast. Isn’t Whit the one who claims to be of better manners. Sure Madame!

Thomas is such a cheezer! He’s doing pointy finger again in the mirror at himself. At least this time he isn’t practicing his speech to Landon.  The GD Goddess should have the next scene on loop in her house – Whitney has 2 girls bouncing in his bed! Might be the only time ever! Thomas is excited to go home to his babies. Everyone is leaving. Shep is so hungover he is going back on the wagon. Ok, I believe that. Montage of various articles of clothing just strewn about the other cabin and a glimpse of sleeping bodies in the bedroom.

The porn music starts as (the fully made up without a smudge in her makeup) Chelsea and Austen wake up talking about the amazing night they had. They have the relationship talk and Chelsea wants the status quo and Austen seems to want more. He does not like this role reversal.

Previews show Key West, Marriage counselling and some random woman in a restaurant (that Landon paid on the advise of Ms. Pat) telling Thomas that Landon is his soul mate. Drama with Shep, Austen, Landon, Craig, Chelsea and lots of drama. And then Kathryn is back looking like a vampire telling Thomas she loved him so much and she will always love him. Um girl, that is not love. We need to talk.  Call me! I will get Allie to do your make up and I will explain to you where you went wrong.  Total girls night. We can invite the rest of our group to bring drinks and snacks. We can get your head on straight with that man and bring you back to your gorgeous self.

I will do the recap for Savannah tomorrow. I am hearing Ashley talk about how she and her husband haven’t had a sexual relationship in forever. Shows her son playing video games in his bed where we know that he and his dad are when the fire breaks out in that bed from a fan  .  I get up at 5am for work and am on day 4 of a 12 day stretch with no days off.

So I was set up with a former superbowl NFL “star”. He was the cousin of my best friend. He has a penthouse on Lakeshore Drive in Chicago and a penthouse in Palm Beach. Very diversified portfolio. He was this huge, grumpy, old man. See. we had superbowl 51 this year. He played in 7, 8 and 11!!! I was just out of diapers! I kept telling myself, pretend he’s the rock, pretend he’s the rock. I just wanted to punch him! Seriously a grumpy bitch of a man. But I got one hell of a good dinner and a great story out of it. Didn’t even have to kiss him! Ms Pat would shot me! She would sit me down and lecture me that attraction, self-worth, being able to sleep at night are all irrelevant. The goal is the fat bank account and at least 20 years on you. OH and it turns out while she calls him her cousin, he’s her mom’s cousin.

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Southern Charm: Foul Play and tales of my adventures in gold-digging

  1. Great recap theresa, and thanks for your time and energy.

    Did I hear Whitney ask if they had snakes in Georgia? WTH? Craig just seems hard headed to me. When they were fussing at him for shooting too low, and possibly shooting a dog, he was all defensive and saying well, I didn’t shoot a dog, instead of saying, yeah I need to be more careful in the future, or something like that. He seems very defensive period, and that would really get on my nerves if he was my dude.

    All that Chelsea stuff is really getting to ol’ Shep. He fell off the wagon because he cannot stand that Chelsea prefers Austen over him. Ego is not his amigo, nor his livers 😉

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  2. Stupendous recap!! Ego not his amigo, so funny Ginger! Off to find a picture of Kathryn. It’s so odd, she can look fabulous or frumpy or freaky! I read that when she looks good she has had glam help.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. So…I found a clip of Kathryn talking to JD and his wife. Her hair looks like mine when I am just hanging around the house and know no one will see me. I mean no one.
    She is a gorgeous girl. The way she is talking to them is so much different than the way she spoke to Jennifer. That talk changed my mind about her. She was so mean, so unfeeling. I can’t shake it.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Aww Lordy, Kathryn told ET (I think) that Landon would never be around her children, because she has actual factual information about her lifestyle and morals that she doesn’t agree with. I swear, Kathryn should hang out with Farrah from Teen Mom. They are both delusional as hell, and have no grasp on the English language.
    I could listen to Pat talk all day long, she say’s some funny stuff. I can’t believe that woman is in her 70’s….she has had good work done. She doesn’t look pulled too tight and overly filled.

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  5. I thought about taking a picture of the tv and posting it. Maybe I will next time. I caught her at an exceptionally bar moment. That whole hairstyle tho, a brush hasn’t seen the back of her head in a while lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. On a different blog that I don’t remember the name of, they showed proof with actual lab docs to the court where Katherine has passed all drug tests every week.. She says claims otherwise are false. I didn’t try to blow it up to read it, very suspicious though. I do still like her. Cameron and Landon annoy me, and all the men on this show are useless. I would like to see a good looking, single, well-off, accomplished, self made man join the cast and give these pseudo men a run for it. But then, why would a guy like that do a show such as this?

    Thanks for these recaps Theresa, don’t know how you find the time, plus date over the hill athletes, LOL. I’m impressed with the next door to Arnold Palmer fact. I am an over the hill golfer, would love living on a famous course.

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    • I read that post and I don’t believe a word. I call shenanigans on KD passing. She’d have her visitation restored. Make friends with a blogger and you can have anything put out there

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    • Dawn, Mr Palmer was one of nicest and most giving men to have ever lived. For every good story you hear about him, there are 25 more that didn’t get shared. He is missed greatly.

      The neighborhood is fantastic except for when the invitational is going on and you have a few hundred thousand strangers around and a sheriff’s deputy guarding your driveway. I go on vacation every year

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  7. Yeah…that site is a larger version of the site we all came from. It’s a one-sided story, and you must agree with their opinion. If you disagree, you get attacked by the commenters and they flag you, meaning you get banned. I know this from reading comments from people that it happened to…sitejabbers or something like that. TBH, if these bloggers get cast members speaking to them, they get all starry eyed and believe everything they are being fed. They act like they are some kind of respected journalist’s because some D-list reality show participant is giving them stories.
    Let’s play along and say Kathryn did pass drug tests……why isn’t she addressing the fact that she still doesn’t have access to her children? Oh, let me guess, it’s all Thomas’s fault, she’s young. Same story, every time.
    We all know someone wouldn’t stoop so low as to forge documents……ahem, Brooks.

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    • Totally agree. Plus one of their recapers is super jealous and mean. She attacks the cast she doesn’t like relentlessly, makes fun of their weight, etc. Its too mean girlish over there for me.

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