I’m back with the recaps!! Didja miss me?
Sonja and her new pet Tinsley are babbling about their Louis Vuitton bags, it’s making my eyes cross.
Luann is back at her Hamptons house and boy, did she miss it. She’s showing Dorinda around and the highlight of the tour is her creepy toilet with a self-lifting lid, and it washes you back and front. Um-Noe.
Bethenny and Carole are at Bethenny’s Hamptons house-apparently Sonja is frantically texting Bethenny with nastiness about Dorinda and Luann. Carole and Bethenny can’t believe that Sonja isn’t over The Great Un-Invite, and neither can anyone else.
In NYC, Sonja is shit-talking Luann to Tinsley yet still manages to boast about herself in the midst of shit-talking: that’s a feat. This must be the season of Sonja not getting over anything. Tinsley offers a sage nugget saying if Sonja and Luann want to salvage their friendship, Sonja HAS to drop the Tom thing. For real.
Back at Luann’s, Lu offers her daughter Victoria some wine, making sure to slip in that she’s almost 22. This is the DWI daughter, incidentally. Bet someone in NY is cringing. Lu is going over Sonja’s mad hatter party for Dorinda and Victoria’s benefit-Dorinda makes it a point to show how little she cares that she wasn’t invited by faking tears and distress. Lu reports that Sonja has a new roommate/houseguest/pet named Tinsley Mortimer. Dorinda says “yeah, I’ve heard of her” then asks if she’ll be interning. Lu hopes that she left some good wedding karma in the spare bedroom-maybe Tinsley will find a Prince like Tom! I hope not. Dorinda questions Sonja’s alleged sobriety and shows photos of Sonja in less than ladylike positions from Lu’s bridal shower. You know-strippers humping her on the floor doggy style-as one dies at a bridal shower. Dorinda thinks that Sonja is jealous of Dorinda’s contentment, relationship, and stability. Nope! She’s made you stole Tom from her and gave him to Lu, dummy!! GOD! Lu warns Dorinda that Sonja will most likely be at Ramona’s dinner, but Dorinda’s plan is to kill her with kindness.
Back to Sonja and Tinsley-Sonja says she’s not nervous about seeing Dorinda. In fact, she plans on saying hello, even. She’s now regretting excluding Dorinda from the mad hatter party. She doesn’t want to be “that” person. Too late!
Tinsley is at a loss as to what to pack for the weekend. Sonja wants to give away lingerie-undies, specifically. Hey-Erika?! But EW?!? What?!! I don’t care if they’re Dior. They are used, ugly as hell granny panties. And USED. Tinsley throws them to the ground. Now Sonja wants to see Tinsley’s underwear.
Carole is suffering from election stress, and Bethenny is talking dinner plans. She goes over the guest list and sneaks Lu’s name in. Carole is having an election party-she had invited Ramona but that’s up in the air right now. Bethenny tells Carole she needs to relax. A day drink, perhaps.
Lu, Dorinda and Victori are off on a boat ride driven by Lu. Luann says that people “love” calling her the Countess (no where near as much as she does) and once a Countess, always a Countess. Man, these Connecticut women get so pretentious. Sonja’s arrival is the next topic of discussion and Dorinda asks Luann to stick by her just in case Sonja acts up. Lu reassures her that she always defends her houseguests. Ohhhkay. Friends- maybe. Houseguests-always.
Bethenny and Carole are at an acupuncture appointment. Bethenny is really surprised at how stressed out Carole is and asks why she just doesn’t go to work for Hillary. Bethenny is loving those needles sticking in her skin but Carole is nervous. This Dr can tell from her tongue that her liver or some organ isn’t happy. Carole wants to know what the toe fungus she has means. Perhaps that you need an antifungal? Just a guess. This Dr has no answer. Adam now knows she has toe fungus. Carole is empathetic to Bethenny because she knows that she is still having issues with Jason. Bethenny says that having the divorce and apartment resolved helps and she’s managing her stress with cupping and acupuncture. Whatever gets you through. Bethenny is sort of dreading seeing Luann and wonders if she will bring up the Florida thing. Carole doesn’t think so. Bethenny says they have got to get to the restaurant first so that she and Carole can sit next to each other.
Dinner time! Carole and Bethenny do arrive first. The owner greets them and Carole thought he looked like Ramona’s “fake business” partner (and Sonja’s current) but they aren’t the same person. This guy is legit. Ramona arrives and says her hellos. She just got back from a function at Avery’s college and is VERY proud of the fact that the kids see her as a peer and not someone’s mother. She shows Carole and Bethenny pics-and right away I can tell Ramona has a huge chip on her shoulder with Bethenny and an agenda. Bethenny didn’t compliment her fast enough so she got an edge with Bethenny, and so it begins.
Next to join are Dorinda and Lu. Dorinda is anxious about it because she hasn’t seen Bethenny since early summer. Dorinda and Carole are talking election, Bethenny asks Lu about the addition on her house and Luann says it’s coming along, then invites them all to a late breakfast to see the progress. Ramona starts to say why she may not go to Carole’s election party-Dorinda says if Trump wins she will tell Hannah to start stripping. Bethenny tells Ramona that Carole doesn’t want uninformed people at her party-Ramona rolls her eyes and says she is very informed. She reads articles! She has a stack like this! She says everyone interprets things differently and Bethenny agrees. Ramona says she would like to stop in at the party, she’ll see.
Now Ramona is moving in for the kill. She asks Bethenny how old Brynn is now and does she go to private school (6 and no) then slides in to someone showing Avery an article about nude photos Alex McCord posed for and an elementary school aged Avery called Ramona “appalled”. Bethenny is confused as to where Ramona is going with this-then the shade comes down with Ramona causally wondering if anyone has approached 6 year old Brynn about Bethenny’s “soft porn” past. Ramona is so judgemental. Lu is confused as well, Dorinda is horrified. Ramona brings up the 2 dogs Bethenny got and had the nerve to not notify her about-Bethany is incredulous. Ramona looks so stupid right now. She’s hammering at Bethenny but Bethenny is handling it pretty well. Better than I would have. I’d have bitchslapped Ramona with a French fry by now. Bethenny says she doesn’t regret it-she wanted to be an actress, she needed the money, and she laughs about it now, but Ramona is trying super hard to shame her and getting frustrated because it’s not working. Now Ramona feels attacked-because Bethenny isn’t upset? Ramona is so extra. So a defeated Ramona tries a new approach in talking to Lu about Bethenny right in front of Bethenny. She keeps doing that weird thing that I hate, and that’s talking with her eyes closed-another weird Ramona affect. Dorinda tells Bethenny to not even acknowledge it.
Lu and Ramona continue to talk about Bethenny like she’s not sitting right across from them. Finally she’s like “um, hello, right here, I hear you” and still incredulous. The 3 of them start a stupid back and forth about etiquette and who was talking to who (whom?-now the Countess is getting involved and nasty. Ramona is giving Bethenny some weird facial expression (runway, anyone?) and Bethenny asks what it’s about, Halloween? Ramona has decided that Bethenny’s attitude is unacceptable and she doesn’t like it. She claims she was just trying to make conversation about what was going on in Bethenny’s life. Oh-is that what that was? Dorinda is sweaty and no longer hungry. She thinks Ramona’s delivery sucks. Ramona is really off-what is wrong with her? She calls Bethenny stupid, then Luann jumps in. Bethenny says she doesn’t care what they think of her, Luann says “you only care about yourself”. I just feel like it was an unfair gang-up and sneak attack. I know the Bethenny haters will love it-but to come for her via her daughter is slimy, even for Ramona. Luann is bent because Bethenny never asks about her wedding plans. Hint:she thinks you’re marrying a cheater, and odds are if Bethenny asked Luann the status of her wedding plans, Luann would bring up Florida. It’s a no win. Bethenny has had it, she’s leaving. Lu mocks her for leaving and said how she stayed in the Berkshires (she did storm outside, but whatevs).
Sonja and Tinsley have arrived at Sonja’s friends Hamptons house. They’ve both got a ton of luggage-Tinsley’s room is on the first floor right outside the front door. Her room is cute-small, but cute and she says it’s “chic” about 8 times. Sonja humps the bed to show it doesn’t squeak.
Ramona is at a winery meeting Dorinda and Luann for lunch. Ramona gives a very sanitized version that favors her of the previous night’s happenings. Dorinda joins in on the Bethenny bashing, which is a different tune from the night before.
Bethenny is obviously not going to Ramona’s dinner party. She has a gift for her but Carole can deliver it since she’s still going.
Luann is complaining that Dorinda woke her up at 7am-but that was because Dorinda got woken up at 7am with info on all the nastiness Sonja has been spewing on Facebook. Dorinda isn’t having it-she’s going to see Sonja tonight and it’s ON.
Sober Sonja with a glass of wine tells Tinsley that Dorinda is fine, she just did one bad by “excising me from the group”. Tinsley is nervous to meet Dorinda. Sonja says she’s movec on (since when?) and it’ll be good to clear the air tonite. (Phil Collins “In the Air Tonite” drums playing).
Ramona is prepping for her dinner party.Guests are arriving, including her friend Nancy, who has had a bad run in with a drunk plastic surgeon, it looks like. Yowsa. Dorinda is showing Ramona more Sonja crap that’s been unearthed.
Dorinda lets Ramona know that Bethenny is sitting this one out. Carole is already there, Sonja sits with her and lets her know that Sonja has it coming. She tells Carole that one of Richard’s friends is a mole and sends her all sorts of info, she’s got a file this thick. Carole is all-FBI??! Dorinda says noooooo.
Carole is intrigued. Dorinda plans on staying sober to “stalk her prey”.
As Sonja’s car pulls up to Ramona’s she’s still bitching to Tinsley about not being invited to stay there. Ohhh Sonja. That’s the least of your problems tonite.
Next week: Dinner is served. It’s the beginning of the end? Bethenny is a peeper. Dorinda hors in. Tinsley goes out….behind Sonja’s back.
Talk soon, Lovelies