Hey Guys! Pip here! I guess tonight we get to meet the “It Girl, Interrupted”, Tinsley Mortimer. Should be interesting. Her back story is quite fascinating… not going into it here, but if you read the rags, you’ve read about her I’m sure.
Sonja is beckoning houseboy Connor for chocolate on the phone intercom thing. Oh puh-leeze! Tinsley is arriving from Palm Beach to be Sonja’s new “roommate”. Tinsley tells us she adores Sonja and has known her for about fifteen years through the NY charity circuit. She says they are both a little wild and crazy, but in a good way. Sonja puts her in her daughter’s room, which looks quite messy and cramped to me. Sonja tells her she can stay as long as she wants, and Tinsley says she won’t be staying that long (ha! She got a look at the accommodations and was like, ‘OUTTA HERE’!) She’s looking for a new apartment and doesn’t know if she wants to be uptown or downtown. Sonja tells her to avoid downtown because it’s all younger women.
It’s Halloween and Bethenny is at home dressing up as a cat in a Cher wig. Carole walks in and laughs at Bethenny in her cat costume. Carole tells her she looks super hot. She asks her if she is going out and Bethenny says “No, I’m going to the preschool with my vagina hanging out”. Ramona shows up and Bethenny asks her to take her shoes off because of the dogs. Ramona says “Can I leave them on? I don’t feel good without shoes”. Oh Ramona! Bethenny and Ramona already… “Why can’t I wear my shoes? I have a dog, too”. Ramona then kicks or steps on one of the puppies and Bethenny is annoyed. Ramona tells her it was the SIDE of her shoe, and not the heel of her shoe and that she is overprotective and dogs are resilient like babies. Bethenny tells us “Yeah, kicking babies, they can handle it. Dogs, puppies, hamsters… kick ’em”. Bethenny tells Ramona she can’t believe she didn’t even notice her new dogs and Ramona says “Well, you never sent me any pictures. Maybe I am being passive-aggressive”. Ramona goes on… “why wouldn’t you even tell me about your dogs, like send me a text or something? That’s major”. Bethenny is already exasperated. She says she didn’t even send her best friend pictures. Ramona says “alright, alright, let me meet your new dogs… what are their names”? Bethenny whispers to Carole “Oh my God! She’s nuts. Something is wrong with her”. Ramona’s talking head: “Bethenny wants you in her life when she needs you. When she was sick we were texting, but now that she has a boyfriend her attitude has changed towards me”. (What is with Ramona’s Ladies of London hair in this talking head. Flat city. Not a good look). Carole tells Ramona that she just got two “ki”ins” (Shout out, Maisey!) and she didn’t send Ramona an email. Ramona says “It’s pretty major, like having a child. And my dog Coco is frisky and young and goes like this now, “ruff, ruff, ruff”. She likes to sleep with me and it’s like the cutest thing”. Ramona is completely rambling, and speaking super fast. Carole and Bethenny are looking at each other like WHAT THE FUCK?? Talk goes to LuAnn’s bachelorette party and Ramona says she wasn’t invited and had a little talk with her. Ramona relays the conversation to them that she had with Lu… “Ya know, I don’t understand. I have always been having your back this past year or two”. And Lu said “Well, I hear you have been calling people behind my back trying to investigate”. Bethenny asks “Investigate what”? Ramona said “her relationship with Tom”. Carole says no one is investigating anything. Camera goes back to Ramona and she looks down guiltily. Ramona continues “LuAnn said you claim to know something and I said you know what, LuAnn? Maybe I do know something”. Bethenny and Carole chirp in asking “What? What?” like a hundred times and Bethenny says “I think you know more than just one thing”. Ramona says “I guess I do know something, but what’s the point of telling you? LuAnn claims to be happy and ignorance is bliss”. They all agree.
LuAnn and Victoria are hat shopping for Sonja’s Mad Hatter theme party. LuAnn is telling Victoria what went down last week. How Sonja pissed her off by saying things like ‘I’ll be here if the marriage doesn’t work out”, etc. LuAnn says she has been talking out of two sides of her mouth. Victoria says she sounds jealous and LuAnn agrees. Talking head of Lu: “Once again, Sonja is stuck in the past. She would have liked to have been with Tom, and that didn’t happen”. (Flashback montage of Sonja saying shit). LuAnn continues “There was no love story, it was a tryst. And if there was a love story, he would be with Sonja”.
Were back at Bethenny’s with Ramona, Carole, and Bethenny. Ramona tells them that Sonja has a new roommate and it’s Tinsley Mortimer. Bethenny tells us in her talking head that she has heard of her only by name and she was into that “socialite thing”. Ramona says she was a major socialite always on the front pages and in the front rows. Carole says she was in the papers for stalking her ex-boyfriend. Ramona says she googled it. She was on his property or something, and Ramona seems to downplay it. She says they had a very co-dependent relationship (Carole interrupts and says “tempestuous”). Bethenny says in her talking head “It’s so funny Sonja has a roommate. It’s like back in college when it was like “put your name on your food”! (although we already know Sonja only eats salmon from her toaster oven… Tinsley the socialite will be going out to eat every night. Pretty sure). Carole announces she is having an election night party and Ramona says “What are we gonna do? We’re all just gonna argue with each other”. Bethenny says to Carole “Well you’ll just be talking the whole time without even listening to anybody”. Carole says she’ll listen when someone says something “informed”. Bethenny says “Oh My God, I’m bringing earmuffs”! Ramona says “It will be very interesting what comes of these emails that the FBI have been holding, not holding”… Carole holds her shoulders back defensively and Bethenny cringes. Carole says “The emails are irrelevant and you are just parroting headlines”. Bethenny says to Carole “So are you”! Where do you get your information from”? Carole says “Because I actually read the articles”. Carole’s annoyed. Bethenny’s annoyed. They are yapping back and forth. They all stand up and move to the kitchen. Carole says in her talking head “I don’t mean to be judgey, but I just can’t hold a conversation with someone who thinks what she reads on a Facebook comment is actually news”. Bethenny screams “Who would want to have a conversation with you, Carole”? (Shot to Ramona, sipping her wine and LOVING THIS)! Carole says “No one, because I actually know what’s going on”. Bethenny tells her she is being a know-it-all and Carole says “I know more. I know more than Ramona”. Bethenny tells her that is very elitist of her. Carole says “I don’t want to have this conversation”. Ramona says “I know. That’s why I don’t want to go to your party”.
Back at Sonja’s. Tinsley comes into Sonja’s bedroom in the morning and Sonja says she looks so good. Tinsley says she keeps her eye make-up on all the time, like sleeps with it on. That’s gross… and bad for your eyes. And your bedding. Tinsley went to Sonja’s play and we get a glimpse. I don’t know you guys… it looks kinda stupid to me. Tinsley says I don’t know what they were even talking about. They tickle something, I don’t know. Sonja says gleefully, “THE TAINT”. Tinsley cringes. She says she got married to the first person she ever slept with. Tinsley tells us in her talking head that her ex-husband was Topper Mortimer. They met at boarding school and had a very big wedding. Sonja says “When you are in boarding school, you take six boys and six girls and put them in a bag and shake them up, and you get six couples”. (Great math). Tinsley says “You’re right, you’re right”, but you can see her inner-cringe. Sonja starts a list of the things Tinsley needs in a relationship: Kids? Yes. Over 40? Yes. Tinsley says she is 41 but froze her eggs. She says she doesn’t want to be picky. Sonja says “You’re 41 and you want to have kids. You have to be picky”. Tinsley tells Sonja she is stressing her out. Over 60? She doesn’t think so. But he has to have a job. Job is #1 on the list. And no mama’s boys. Tinsley tells Sonja that ever since she left Topper, she has been making really bad choices. She tells us in her talking head that she just got out of a very tumultuous relationship. The police were called several times. When she went back to the house to retrieve a handbag of hers, she was arrested for trespassing. He had a trespass warning in place on her that she couldn’t be on the property and she says she was unaware of this. She said her mugshot was horrible and embarrassing and she looked like shit but at least she had her lashes on (and now we know why… she never removes her eye make-up).
Dorinda and Ramona are going to “cryotherapy”? Dorinda says “They literally freeze you to death and you just feel reenergized”. (Didn’t Yolanda do this)? Ramona says she is gonna sit this one out. She’s dressed up and has a date. Ramona tells Dorinda the whole LuAnn story at their lunch last week. Ramona tells Dorinda that she didn’t tell her anything that she had found out. That isn’t exactly true. Ramona was dangling a carrot but LuAnn beat her to the punch bringing it up first. Ramona says in her talking head “It’s pretty obvious LuAnn doesn’t want to know anything about Tom. So, I’ll shut the Pandora box”. Oh My God! Someone needs to make a book of Ramonaisms. There are so many!! Subject goes to Sonja, who Dorinda is miffed at. Ramona pretends to not have heard anything. Dorinda’s talking head: “It amazes me that Sonja can go on about other people’s lifestyles when A.) She doesn’t know anything about them, and B.) she has one of the most colorful pasts out there”. Dorinda has had it and she is going to nip it in the bud. She goes into the Cryotherapy chamber and Ramona watches.
Tinsley talks about how much she misses New York. She takes a picture of her old apartment. She says “The Rockefellers, The Vanderbilts and The Mortimers are these super glamorous families that have such an old history in New York, that when you are married to one of them, people look at you a little differently”. She walks into Dennis Basso (some fabulous fur shop) and is greeted by who I am guessing is Dennis Basso. She says before she left NY she had fabulous events every night, and now that she is back she hopes she will get to go to these events again (I am kinda thinking she isn’t on many guest lists anymore). More Tinsley talking head: People often wonder how you come to be an “it” girl. And it doesn’t happen by mistake… One day I went to a party at the Pierre Hotel and they had this red carpet. I was walking up and they said “Oh, who’s she? Let’s take a picture”… and blah, blah, blah. Apparently a socialite was born. She says she literally just walked away from her life for four years and she just wants it back. She tries on a few dresses. One of them looks like the curtains from The Sound of Music.
Dorinda and Hannah are shopping for furniture. Hannah is moving into her own apartment. Hannah is appalled that she can’t have a couch delivered for three months. She says “Things are BORN, LIVE, and DIE in three months”! She is very exasperated by this. DRAMA QUEEN, this one! Dad is paying for the apartment and Dorinda says she thinks her father is actually doing it for her, rather than Hannah. He knew they would turn into an Edie Beale situation if he didn’t get her out of there. As she is pulling fabric swatches for her custom-made Lampert couch, Dorinda says you don’t have a job. Hannah says “I have saved so much money, you have no idea. I’m rolling in dough right now”. Hmmm…
Bethenny is purging her own clothes for Dress for Success. Her hope is she can help other women to become business moguls. Julia (Bethenny’s assistant) asks if Dennis is coming for Thanksgiving. Bethenny says probably because his family will be away. Bethenny says Dennis is a great person, the smartest person she has ever met, and she really cares about him. She says it is hard with the Jason stuff, because she wants that to be over so she can move on. She kinda lights up when she is talking about Dennis.
Sonja had a friend reply to her party invitation saying “Sonja, I can’t come to your party because of the crevices between your stonework” (you seriously can not make this shit up). She is preparing for her Mad Hatter party, and has Tinsley running her errands. Tinsley tells us this really seems like more of a job for Connor the houseboy. She indicated that the invitations state that everyone has to wear color (which for sure means someone will show up in black or white). Ramona is the first to show up wearing black. Tinsley is sick of wearing color so she is also wearing black. Sonja is kind of annoyed. Some woman named Gigi is the second to arrive and walks in saying “Hi Ramona”. Ramona says “Who’s Gigi? Are you her sister”? Gigi is like “You know me from Sandra Ripert”. Oh Ramona! Sonja is in the kitchen talking about Ramona and says “No one takes her seriously. They are like, you hang out with that crazy lady? She’s so rude”! Sonja is explaining Ramona’s rough upbringing and the Chef or party planner or whoever this dude is just interrupts and says “Get over it”. Now THAT was funny! Ramona is just wandering around the house while there is a whole conversation being had about her in the kitchen. Tinsley is talking to Sonja and asks “But didn’t her husband cheat on her”? Chef dude says “Wouldn’t you”? Dying!! Who is this guy? Give him an apple!
Ramona comes in to the kitchen. Tinsley says Hi to Ramona and Ramona barely acknowledges her. Ramona asks Sonja why Dorinda wasn’t invited today. Sonja says Why? I don’t hang out with Dorinda. I never see her. In Sonja’s talking head (best I have ever seen her look! Love the pink hue in her hair), she explains she is still really hurt that Dorinda didn’t invite her to the Berkshires last year. Sonja said her excuses were flimsy and that Dorinda said she was worried about Sonja’s drinking when she should have been worried about her own drinking. Carole shows up in black and white. Apparently no one is going to follow Sonja’s dress code! Carole gives Tinsley a genuine “Hello, it’s nice to meet you”. Sonja is miffed everyone is in black and white. Sonja needs to put on her eyelashes and change. Tinsley follows her. Carole tells us “I didn’t think socialites actually even existed anymore, but apparently they do and they are all boarding at Sonja’s home for wayward girls”.
Bethenny is in the car with a friend. She tells her friend she doesn’t usually go to tea parties at 3:30 in the afternoon. But this is like the happy hour of the UES and there are probably at least 30 garden parties going on as we speak. Bethenny’s talking head: “The whole crusty vagina crowd is up here at 3:00 in the afternoon, dressed in pastels and floral”.
Back at the tea party Ramona and Carole are talking. Ramona tells Carole that she invited Sonja to come to her house in the Hamptons. She had invited Dorinda before she invited Sonja. Ramona told Dorinda and Dorinda said she wouldn’t go then. So Ramona lied to Sonja and said “change of plans about staying at my place”. Carole asks, “So you disinvited Sonja” and Ramona says “Well, I said change of plans. I didn’t disinvite her. I said change of plans”. Ramona says change of plans is very ambiguous and could mean many different things. Carole wants to know what the real reason is, and Ramona tells her that Dorinda and Sonja are still fighting. Ramona said “Dorinda isn’t burying the hatchet.” (Ramonaism!). Carole looks confused. Ramona’s neck is hidden by some black scarf thing and she tells Carole she has a hickey, but not to tell anyone. Carole and Ramona discuss how hickeys are awesome and an art. Mmmm…. okay? Carole wants to see it. Ramona doesn’t let her. Carole apologizes to Ramona about the other day. Ramona says “let’s not even go there. It’s a very passionate subject”. Carole says “Yes, and I am probably more informed than the average voter”. (Carole, get over yourself). Ramona says “Well actually, I am very informed. I read the papers every day”. Carole says “Oh my God”! They start talking over each other, and basically have another argument about it. Carole gives Ramona her verbal resume and Ramona is annoyed and says I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Carole says “Don’t tell me what I can talk about and what I can’t talk about”. Ramona explains again that she doesn’t want to talk politics with her anymore. Carole keeps going on about how her background in journalism makes her more informed and better than everyone else. Sonja finally greets her guests.
Shot of Bethenny and her friend in the car discussing whether or not the women will be wearing hats. Bethenny says Sonja will definitely, but LuAnn’s head is too big to fit into a hat. Cut to LuAnn and a friend walking to Sonja’s wearing ridiculous hats. Bethenny arrives with a gift and notices she is the only one who actually followed the dress code. Bethenny’s talking head: “It’s somebody’s funeral. I look like a fuckin’ pinata”. Man, Bethenny is funny! Bethenny introduced herself to Tinsley, but Tinsley tells us she wasn’t feelin’ her. In walks LuAnn and her friend. They are the only people wearing hats. LuAnn tells us she knows Tinsley and she has gone a little wilder these days, which is kinda refreshing. Bethenny and LuAnn are greeting each other. It’s uncomfortable. (Flashback to the reunion when Bethenny screams at LuAnn “You are a liar! You were born a liar, and you will die a liar”!)
Back to the party where Ramona and Carole are getting to know Tinsley. Barely into the conversation and Ramona asks “Do you regret not having a child with your ex-husband”? Oh Ramona! Tinsley says yes. Tinsley is kinda blathering on about her life and her arrest. She is divulging too much information to these girls because she is nervous. She tells us in her talking head that she can’t help it. She feels like she needs to constantly explain her arrest to everyone, even though they don’t ask or mention it. Ramona says everything happens for a reason and out of something negative comes something positive. They toast to this and Ramona tells us “I really respect the fact that she just comes out and says it. It takes a lot of balls”.
LuAnn is confronting Sonja privately about the shit Sonja has been saying about her. Sonja says she thinks it was awful that Dorinda set LuAnn up with Tom. They argue about who has had a longer friendship with Ramona… Sonja or Dorinda. Sonja says “They aren’t as good of friends as me and Ramona, I’ve known her longer, she sleeps in my bed, she has keys to my house, we’re really good friends”. In LuAnn’s talking head she says “I’ve known Sonja longer than Dorinda, but I’ve known Dorinda for almost ten years. So she totally looks like she is jealous of my relationship with Dorinda and it’s like high school”. Yes… Yes it is. LuAnn says you don’t behave like someone who is supporting me. Sonja brings up him making out in the hotel bar and LuAnn says you’re living in the past. Sonja asks if she just heard her and LuAnn says “Yes. You told me this a year ago and now I am getting angry”. LuAnn says she needs Sonja to be supportive. Sonja says, well that would mean I have to TRUST, Tom. Sonja tells us: “LuAnn is stubborn and she only hears what she wants to hear”. She is worried about her, so she wants to tell her what she really thinks. LuAnn says she is certain. When you know, you know. Sonja asks her “Do you really know”? LuAnn says she knows 100%. Sonja says, “Alright. But I want him to fly straight”. LuAnn says if he doesn’t, he’s getting his wings clipped. LuAnn tells us “I think Sonja would like to be with Tom and that didn’t happen. Maybe Sonja feels like she missed the yacht”. THE YACHT!! I’m giving her an eye roll! This is why people don’t like LuAnn.
Back to the garden… they are discussing who’s staying where in the Hamptons next weekend. Bethenny asks where Dorinda is and finds out that Dorinda wasn’t invited today. Bethenny tells us: “There are three things Sonja needs to let go of. Tom, the townhouse, and the Berkshires”. Ramona tells LuAnn her dress is very Talbots. Very conservative and ladylike. Bethenny tells Ramona she got the invitation and so did LuAnn and it said dress in the colors of wonderland. Why is she dressed like she is going to a funeral? LuAnn laughs and Ramona doesn’t. Tinsley is telling Ramona and Carole that Sonja is helping her make a list to find a man. Ramona and Carole burst out laughing.
Everyone is leaving. Tinsley felt welcomed by Ramona and Carole, but feels Bethenny made no effort to get to know her. Bethenny, Sonja, and the party planner/ chef dude laugh about LuAnn’s dress. They call it a prairie dress and discuss that it is Ralph Lauren. Sonja says “I thought it was Laura Ashley”, and chef dude says “Salvation Army”. Who is this guy?? Why is he there? He is funny! Bethenny apparently loves him, too. She called him the butler. Okay, I guess he’s the butler.
Next Week: The Hamptons. Ramona goes after Bethenny. Dorinda goes after Sonja. And yada yada yada.