Season 9/Episode 19
Side Dishes and Side Pieces
Hi everyone, welcome to the recap, respectfully submitted by NoLife. Episode ninefrickenteen of this season. Really Bravo, couldn’t you cut some of this shit down? Look like Shack Sheree does the open house thing this week, whoooopie.
Tonight’s wine is a 2015 Conti TorraioIo Trebbiano – Chardonnay that I got at Wegman’s a couple of weeks ago for, I think, $6.
We start this week at OLG Restaurant with Todd and Carmon. Candi shows up with Ace. They are unpacking takes and chairs. Kandi still can’t say how long it will take to get all licenses and approvals so she’s going to have a preview for Friends and Family. She wants pics of the OLG but they have to be careful of where they put them so none of them feel like one is favored over the other. Todd then refers to Aunt Bertha as the lead singer someone called her “Beyonce”. They go out to the patio and she’s annoyed they have orange chairs; she’s pissed because the accent color is supposed to be yellow. Did I mention that they are folding chairs….they are fighting over orange folding chairs. She’s respects it’s Todd’s baby until she doesn’t agree with it. They fight. Todd takes a seat in his orange chair. DonJuan arrives and is looking for something, but I have no clue what they are all talking about, neither does Todd and he says he’ll get to it tomorrow.
Now onto Sheree doing landscaping….she yells as the landscapers for walking on the lawn. Kenya shows up in her Bentley to toss some shade. They talk about Bob after Maui, and Matt and Kenya; all are done. Matt wanted to marry her. She’s moving on. Blah blah blah. Talking head: She says “even tho the sex had been good, she’s had better”. Good move, poke the insane tiger stalking you. Sheree is planning on moving in “in a couple of days”. She wants it done and perfect before anyone moves in. She invited Kenya to the house warming, Kenya wants to bring the City Inspector as her date.
And now we have back to Todd picking up Peter from the airport. He came in to support the restaurant and finalize the divorce. Apollo calls! Chit chat, get to the good stuff, please, have I mentioned that I’m almost 19 hours of life lost just this season. His new lady is coming to support him. They ride him on how he got a new girlfriend and they ask if she’s cute. He says “Yeah, she more than cute. Sometimes you gotta upgrade”. Shady.
Phaedra is spending time with her parents and the kids getting ice cream that looks suspiciously like FroYo. Oh, it’s her birthday. It’s her first as a newly single woman. But, wait, she ain’t single no more….she’s been anti-divorced. She ACTUALLY says “As a single mother, sometimes it’s hard for me to get a break”…..really? Sigh. Dylan doesn’t like Chocolate (insert Mr. Chocolate joke here).
Apollo calls again, he talks about how when Phaedra went up there she told him that everything was put on hold and “maybe she don’t want a divorce”. Then he says he got the papers that she was proceeding. Peter asks if Apollo was trying to trick him. Apollo clearly doesn’t know it’s final. Peter gets a talking head saying that Phaedra is a con artist.
Back to the kids and Phaedra. Her parents want to take the kids for 2 weeks during the summer. She’s happy and at piece and got her mojo back.
Back to boys on phone. He’s saying shit gonna get ugly (can’t be worse than that outfit last week). Now he thinks she never loved him, because this ain’t how you treat someone you love. (Because real love is on an air mattress in a trailer when you’re on house arrest. ALLEGEDLY.)
Commercial – Have to check to see if April had the baby I was PROMISED would come this weekend. She best not have it while I’m watching this bullshit (say that in Kandi’s voice, it’s much funnier).
Cynthia and Noelle are hanging at the house. Cynthia tells her the divorce is final today. She is relieved and emotional. Peter changed the course of her life. But the divorce still feels right.
Peter drives by where he used to live. You know, Cynthia’s townhouse. He says it feels different. He didn’t want the divorce. He was on the (/cough*money*cough/)” train to forever. She got off.”
Back to Cynthia, Kenya calls. Cynthia tells her divorce is final and Peter (who is clearly in ATL) didn’t show up. She knows she will see him at the OLG opening. She doesn’t want it to be awkward. Cynthia thanks her for getting her through this and no matter what Phaedra says she’s not a trifling friend.
Todd is talking to Chef Jay the day before the opening. Kandi arrives and says it still looks dirty, thought the cleaning people came, but they aren’t coming until 8pm that night. Kandi is stressed because, really, the place is dirty and dusty. DonJuan says they are having a photo booth and there a ton of photos to hang. Then he gets a text from the “CO2 people” and they may not have it in for tomorrow. DonJuan says they don’t need to worry about the food and Todd gets all salty about that and tries to start a fight with DJ. Kandi asks to speak with Todd alone. She says “This is looking real crazy right now and how much over budget are we?” Todd says about “$100,000”. Did I mention FOLDING ORANGE CHAIRS??? Kandi looks pissed, Todd thinks it looks amazing. Kandi’s seen how the girls look at, and go in on, each other and Kandi doesn’t want to get that negativity out there. Todd swears it will get done and not to worry. Kandi still looks pissed.
Commercial – I should do a wine review. Fun fact, I paid 3x times more for the glass.
Over to Condo Sheree packing with the kids while I dog humps a stuffed animal. They are color coding boxes. Blue is for keep, not orange as Kaleigh suggests. What do these women have against Orange this week? This sounds like a disaster. Kairo can’t even keep a straight face as she talks about the journey. She did it as a woman by herself and she’s proud of it. Kairo is proud.
Porsha time….she’s wearing a Frack onesie for Phaedra’s birthday…..which appears to be taking place in the batchroom. Also, her closet is a Fracken mess.
Kandi: 6 hours to preview….they’re doing a fast-forward montage of picture hanging and cleaning. Todd doesn’t know if he’ll make it home to change. Kandi shows and it looks pretty good. Most of the hi-top tables have back-less stools…this is the quickest way for me to pay my bill and make it an early night. Everyone starts arriving. Cynthia first says it smells good they go over the tasting menu….it sounds pretty good. I need me some Southern Comfort Food. Shamea shows up with fabulous, natural, Foxy Brown hair. Then Sheree arrives. Todd is dirty and one of the OLG (Aunt Nora?) tells him to change before he hugs her. Then Todd announces the “diva has just shown up” meaning Mama Joyce. DonJuan asks the HW’s to move down to the sex dungeon and then run away once they realize what he’s said. We all share a hardy laugh.
Commercial – The wine label says: “Elegant white delicate bouquet obtained from Tuscan whitegrapes”. I say “It’s nice, dry but fruity, not oaky. I don’t like oaky”. Would be great on a hot summer day, sitting in the sun, reading a trashy book.
Back to the Phaedra “Birthday Party for 1”. Enough food to feed an army, I’m sure these 2 will destroy it…..they need calories to keep those asses. Porsha presents Phaedra with her Frick onesie. They either dance or convulse. Porsha makes Phaedra try on wigs….and a really skanky “fashion show” commences. Remember when I said that Peter’s roast was the saddest.birthday.ever? Yeah, the crown has been snatched from his head.
Back to OLG: Peter and Cynthia have a very cold welcome. Cynthia is surprised as she expected a bit more warmth. Kandi goes on mic and thanks Todd in front of everyone. Oh and now I see Kenya is there too. Kandi calls him her true partner. Todd thanks everyone for coming out. Kandi sings some of “I Fly Above” acapella. She really can sing. Throws some shade at Porsha,.
Commercial – And the most important part “ALC 12% BY VOL”
Back to Kandi, they talk about food. They ask Kandi if Porsha and Phaedra were coming. Kandi didn’t invite Porsha but she did invite Phaedra, who never responded.
To Phaedra and Porsha basically Phaedra thinks they will always be cordial (until the reunion away, according to Mama Joyce’s streets) but the friendship is over.
Back to OLG: Todd and Peter talking alone in a quiet place about how close to the stadium they are…. and in walks Sherien. She’s pretty, not quite a masculine as other pictures I’ve seen of her. She introduces herself and Todd is all “here comes trouble”….he really wishes she didn’t come. Tries to get the story from how they met and she ain’t talking. He introduces her to the HW and they are shocked. Peter has the smarts to close the curtain on the area where the ladies are sitting. Kenya pulls up to get the tea and calls her the sidechick. Sherien says she is extending Apollo’s presence here. Clearly this girl rehearsed what she was going to say and it really sounds better in her head. Kandi says Phaedra will swear they are in cahoots, but she had no clue. Sherien says her and Apollo have been friends for “about 4 years now”. And Kandi asks when they became more than friends – before or after jail. She just says “Wifey wasn’t there, so I was around more than she was”. This girl is THRISTY and everyone looks wicked uncomfortable. Kandi says “Phaedra could’ve been here tonight”. Sherien kinda shrugs and says “I mean he’s been away for 2 years, she’s only been there twice”.
Back to Phaedra and Porsha talking….GET BACK TO THE DRAMA PLEASE.
Sherien goes to see Apollo often. Peter tries to quietly sneak out, but Cynthia notices and says good bye. Sherien, looking at her phone: “OMG! It’s Apollo! My Baby!” They talk on speakerphone. Kandi says “This just feels messy” – she’s right, I’m uncomfortable just watching it. She doesn’t want to be involved. Apollo congratulates Kandi and Todd. Todd mentions Kandi’s faces. Kandi says “I’m gonna keep it real with you, Apollo, I always thought you were a really cool person, and obviously being cool with you has turned into a lot of drama with me and Phaedra. But, honestly, meeting your girlfriend, (to Sherien) even though you’re nice, I’m sorry. Y’all just getting divorced is making me look like I’m trying to be messy.” Apollo says that it has nothing to do with him and Sherien. The paperwork is in and they’re getting divorced. Kandi says “Aren’t you already divorced?” He says that it’s going down as they speak. She tells him that Phaedra says they’re already divorced. And…..
Commercial – Still no giraffe!
Back: Apollo says “no” when Kandi tells him, again, due to replaying what we just watched like we all stupid or something. He says there’s a court date coming up in a couple of days so she isn’t divorced. He still thinks he’s in litigation. Cynthia says Phaedra told her it was final and this tea wasn’t on the menu. He claims Phaedra told him that everything is on hold while they process the paperwork. Kenya tells Apollo that Phaedra made it seem that the divorce was final. Sheree looks confused. Apollo says goodbye before the phone timer runs out. Sherien leaves. Kenya says that was crazy and asks if anyone believes that they were just friend when he went in. Kandi says “Clearly they were more than friends when he went in”. Kenya talking head: “Clearly Apollo has his Vanilla, so no wonder why Phaedra had her Chocolate”. The women talk about how Phaedra said they were divorced and how she keeps lying.
And it ends –All in all, I recommend the wine more than the show.
I spell checked and re-read it a bunch of times, sorry for the typos that undoubtedly missed my inspection.