Vanderpump Rules Recap: Taco Tuesday, Wedding Wednesday 

The wedding planner is planning the rehearsal dinner with Schwartz and Katie, which will be Taco Tuesday. Katie says she’s really calm because, weed. Schwartz has some fireball bonding time with him mom.

Jax is all flustered because the triplets missed the flight and he can’t think of anything more worse. Jax is too dumb to be alive. It’s a miracle, really. He’s ranting and raving about the triplets trip costing him more money. 

In the kitchen of the brides cabin, the gang is all toasting Schwartz-minus Scheana and Shay who are off by themselves. Shay is wicked anti-social and Scheana says his behavior has been “off”. She’s excited about all of the upcoming wedding festivities, but he’s acting like he’s about to have a novacaine-free root canal.

Tubing!! On a river!! Lots of colorful tubes! The river looks cold, but Stassi says this is the best group activity they’ve ever done. Scheana doesn’t want the water to “dingy” her diamond, but water doesn’t “dingy” your diamond-know what does? Your husband hating his life. Everyone is having fun and getting along. But then a bug has the audacity to go near Stassi, who freaks out because she doesn’t want diseases. Uh-you dated Jax. Too late.

Sandoval finally landed and is here! Ariana is so happy to see him. He apologizes for being late and says he had to rent an SUV because of the copious amounts of alcohol he has brought. As the rest drift down river, Jax, Ariana and Sandoval discuss the triplets missing their flights. They’re annoyed but the triplets will be in at 6:05 that evening. Schwartz is oblivious, drifting down the river on a pink flamingo.

Ken and LVP check out the ceremony area-LVP loves it. She needs to talk to Schwartz and Katie to find out exactly what they want her to say during the ceremony. Katie doesn’t want it too drawn out, but not too rushed either. Ken asks Schwartz if he’s got his vows ready-mmmkinda. LVP practices her speech and Katie tears up, she says LVP has been supportive of their relationship the whole time and what LVP has picked is perfect.

Kristen, Stassi and the rest of the bridal party wander through the forest for the rehearsal. Kentucky starts rambling about how she’s had her wedding planned since junior high and there’s a castle back home she wants with lots of red roses in “wintery” time with white trees. Better find a groom, honey.

The spot is really pretty and woodsy. Schwartz’s mom wants more fireball though. The wedding planner is directing everyone where to stand, walk, etc and Kristen in all of her 30 year old maturity wants us to know the ONLY reason she’s not standing next to Katie is because she would have had to walk with Sandoval and she doesn’t want his cooties. Jax hopes he doesn’t have to stand too long because he’s got bad knees. Must be left over from his old life in Florida.

Sandoval is reminiscing about the good ole days when the guys were roommates and the first time Schwartz brought Katie home. They had plastered the inside of his door with porn. Good times.

Taco Tuesday rehearsal dinner time! We see Katie’s brother who looks just like Katie with a beard. Jax is getting Schwartz’s mom drunk and says he’s got a crush on her. Stassi says the last 7 years they’ve spent together as friends has been so great (as they flashback to all the fights they’ve had) and she has REALLY injected herself into this whole thing. Including the honeymoon. Schwartz gives his mom a beautiful rose gold diamond ring.

Of course Stassi’s mom is there (she’s looking different. Older? Maybe because her hair is up?) She makes the mistake of asking her daughter how many dates she goes on before she gives up the goods, and Stassi responds with a WAY TMI story, totally cringe-worthy.

The triplets have arrived!! Bert, Billy, and Brandon! They look nothing like Schwartz and everything like each other, duh, triplets. I guess they dont know how to dress so Sandoval put together outfits for them while they’re in town.

Sandoval and Jax pull Schwartz aside to give them his wedding gift. His brothers walk out one by one to surprise him. He cries, Sandoval cries, Jax cries-kind of a nice moment actually. Schwartz is grateful, touched, and impressed that his friends arranged for his brothers to be there. Jax says his mission was to get Schwartz to cry and mission accomplished.

LVP has a heart to heart with Stassi (as much as you can with the levels of heart involved) and LVP tells Stassi she had high hopes for her but Stassi walked away and gave up. Stassi admits she made mistakes but feels validated by LVP. It’s an awkward exchange.

Katie is hanging with her dad and they show a flashback picture of Katie in 1998 and she looks the same. Apparently her parents haven’t seen each other for 4 years, and they haven’t all been together for 5 years. Katie says that her parents stopped being partners in life, and seeing that she feels she can avoid that mistake with Schwartz.

Now it’s Scheana’s turn with LVP, who doesn’t want to hit the piñata because to her it’s animal abuse. LVP asks Scheana how she and Shay are and Scheana gives the phoniest “amaaaaayyyzing” ever. She says he’s totally sober and his music is also “amaaaayyyzingk”, he’s in a good place, the “spark” is even back. LVP doesn’t buy it for a second.

At the dinner, Katie is the first to take a swing at the piñata and Jax uses Lala as motivation for her to hit it hard, she breaks it. LVP sits Katie down to talk and Katie reveals she still hasn’t finished writing her vows. But she will tonite. Schwartz joins them and LVP gives them a marriage pep talk. Schwartz thanks LVP again for officiating.

Wedding Day! Stassi greets Katie in the kitchen at breakfast-Stassi feels like this is so unreal.

The groomsmen are going fishing, Jax says if it was him getting married he wouldn’t be fishing, he’d be playing golf or Russian Roulette.

Schwartz is finishing his vows last minute.

LVP has to iron her own dress and Ken thinks it’s awesome so films her.

The bridal party is getting hair and makeup done. Stassi has to give a speech but she’s just going to wing it. Kentucky remarks at how calm Katie is-Katie asks “what is there to freak out about?” Girl bye. Katie has heard the day flies by but she’s going to try to relax and enjoy it. Kristen is implanting herself firmly in Katie’s rectum and vows to be at her beck and call. Katie has vows to write, y’all.

Jax makes sure the 3Bs have showered and makes them swear to God that they have. Am I missing something with these guys? Why do they need so much supervision and hand holding? Jax seems to have appointed himself the 3Bs wrangler.

In wrangling the 3Bs Jax is becoming a nag. He’s on hygiene patrol, Schwartz bathed in the river. Luckily for everyone Sandoval brought a shit ton of extra clothes and accessories because it seems like everyone forgot something.

LVP arrived in a limo looking floaty and ethereal. She’s practicing her officiating, and is impressed with the venue and setup, but the podium needs fabric. Schwartz is in a room alone finishing his vows and is distracted by a bee.

Katie’s bouquet is finished, some wood from the property was used for the handle. It’s not flowers though, it’s all jeweled brooches (it appears). Different. I like it.

Katie is putting her $15,000 Zuhair Murad wedding gown on but it’s too tight, and some of the boning that was added is digging into her skin. Some girls try to fix it.

Ariana did her own hair and it looks fantastic. Schwartz is wearing a shiny suit. Everything has come together.

The bridesmaids hoo ha ha are sitting in a circle anxiously awaiting Katies emergence from the other room in her dress. Stassi is going to explode. Katie comes out and looks all bridal-of course it’s bringing back memories for Scheana.

At the ceremony site LVP got her fabric draping for the podium, and people are arriving down the path and taking their seats. Schwartz calls his Dad right before the ceremony and gets a father/son pep talk. Katie has a cluster of bridesmaids at her feet because dirt got into the hem of her dress, so they’re cleaning it out.

Ariana is rocking that suit. Katie’s makeup looks really good, so does her hair. I don’t love the dress. It’s just not for me. Katie is standing with her dad getting ready to walk down the aisle, and dad is in tears. Schwartz is trying not to cry-the procession starts. 

Next week season finale: wedding! Reception! LVP brings up new business endeavor to Schwartz and Sandoval. Schean and Shay stop the charade.

Talk soon Lovelies!



17 thoughts on “Vanderpump Rules Recap: Taco Tuesday, Wedding Wednesday 

  1. I don’t know what LVP was thinking when she decided on the dress she wore. What was that? Was she the fairy godmother? Ew.
    I wondered who was checking on Jax’s hygiene. Nasty.
    Sheana needs help.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I liked Katie’s dress but I don’t think she has the right body type for it. She looked too squarish in the torso if that makes sense. Aside from that I think her hair and make up look great.

    Sandoval was awesome in this episode! I love, love, love how he bought extra everything just in case someone needed something. Week in, week out he’s been the best guy this season. I hope LVP does give him and Schwartz a new opportunity and I hope that leads to a spin off for them. I’d watch that in a heartbeat!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I was thinking the same thing about Tom S. I liked the way he turned into super house-father using his metrosexual powers for good with the less fashion inclined men in the group. Plus he can tie a bow-tie. His happiness for Tom on his wedding day was just really infectious.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Kate’s hair and makeup looks great. Didn’t like the dress on her. It was too old ladyish for her and the lining looks like support hosiery. No! LVP? Girl, what were u thinking? Where ‘s your wand? Both dresses looked out of place in that forest setting. All the guys came through for Schwartz. The Girls were very supportive too. Loved the episode. VPR is one of my guilty pleasures. They are all so dang whacky!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know we go tubing down a several mile stretch of river about a half hour drive from here. It’s not like an obstacle course like that video seemed to show. I was half expecting the tubes to be punctured at any second. I think they had it planned out nicely from the tubing, fishing, and Taco Tuesday. I think if I were to get married I would probably do it like that. Things that get your mind off the big event, and are super easy requiring little to no thought. I just really liked this episode of the show. I can’t remember when the last time was I could say that, except maybe the Schwartzie and LVP flirting episode at her house. That was a fun one as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. On LVP’s dress I tend to agree with the other comments so far. I think that as the officiant of the ceremony she tried to strike a balance between solemn, formal, and casual all at once. If she’s going to continue to do them she should just invest in a high quality robe and use that over formal, or casual dress. She could even make it pink so long as it doesn’t detract from the bride, or groom for that matter.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I liked the episode but I always think that all Stassi scenes should be left on the editing room floor. She’s just so full of herself and soooo annoying (or as she would say annoying AF ). I thought that Katie looked beautiful … Her look was very Mother Earth meets Maid Marion and was perfect for her wood – sy venue without being costume-y. I kind of expected to see bunnies and deer following her around. I also liked what LVP was wearing…. She was ethereal and fairy godmother – esque. She too was dressed perfectly for the setting. And as always my fave Ariana looked absolutely gorgeous. Can’t wait for next week and the reunion.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Allie, loved the recap! In fact, I think this is the best one you’ve done. Congrats!

    Btw, What is up with the triplets? They can’t afford plane tickets, they have to share one phone, they don’t have clothes, don’t have a car to get to the airport.. I’m assuming they are over 18. If not, nevermind. 🙂 I cracked up about Jax being upset about the money. I’m sure the producers are paying for it. Along with the rest of the wedding.


    • P.Scott. it was nice to have an episode where everyone got along for a change and no drama at the wedding.

      But, there’s always next week and who knows? Maybe crazy Kristen will make an appearance at the reception.


  8. I really liked this episode. I found myself tearing up at how excited Schwartz was to see his bothers and at the talk he had with his dad (it sounded like he was leaving him a voicemail?).

    Jax and the “more worse” moments were painful. No one can be that dumb.

    I was also waiting for those inflatables to pop in the river. We go tubing all the time and would never think of using a pink flamingo-type floaty. We use tubes that are actually made for floating down the river. I think this year, we’re going to take the littles. We haven’t in the past because it’s such a big thing for all the college kids (OMG, I sould so old… GET OFF MY LAWN!)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t know that happened… it sent before I was done…

    ANYWAY — we’re going to take the littles, but do it on a day when it’s not super busy with frat boys and sorority girls.

    Lisa’s dress was not cute. I loved how Ariana was so excited to see Tom, LOL. I really felt bad for Scheana when she was talking to Lisa.

    I thought Katie’s dress was really pretty, but maybe not the best cut for her. Her hair and make up was really good, though.

    Liked by 1 person

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