It’s a busy night at SUR, and LVP checks in with Jax and Sandoval to see how the NOLA trip was and to marvel that no one got arrested. Jax and Sandoval show her pics from the drag party and she’s impressed by Sandoval’s female side. LVP asks if Schwartz and Katie had a good time,and Jax is all too eager to report that no, they fought 85% of the time. LVP decides she’s going to need to therapy Katie.
Scheana is at the SUR bar talking to Ariana, who is mixing drinks with a smile. Scheana complains how her hair hates her because NOLA ruined it. Ariana catches the lure for compliments that Scheana cast out and tells her no, your hair looks sooooo good! Neither one can believe how much fighting the happy couple did. Scheana says she can’t imagine fighting that much with Shay 2 weeks before the wedding. How about 2 years after? Ariana thinks that bottling up their problems to deal with after the wedding is a huge mistake.
LVP sees Katie at SUR and wants to give her some projects to do before the annual SUR photo shoot. This years theme? Indulgence. LVP questions Katie about all the fighting on the NOLA trip and Katie blames Schwartz for everything. LVP calls her out on not taking any of the blame and asks her what they’re REALLY fighting about. She doesn’t have much hope for the future Mr and Mrs Schwartz at this point.
Stassi and Kristen eat lunch with their dogs. Apparently Kristin’s dog is a therapy dog. Crickets. She sent in a fee and got the certificate. Kristin is helping Stassi make an online dating profile at OKCupid. Stassi included in her profile that she likes murder, ghosts and aliens. How can this fail?
Katie and Schwartz stop by Villa Rosa. Schwartz doesn’t trust the swans. They all go and sit in one of LVP’s many sitting rooms, and she asks the couple what they still have left to do for wedding prep. Katie says they just have one more thing-then there’s a knock at the door. LVP goes to the door to find a guy dressed as an English butler reading some sort of proclamation which is actually Schwartz and Katie asking a LVP to officiate their ceremony. LVP looks unimpressed. She comes back into the sitting room and tells them she really didn’t expect this-but she’s concerned because of all the petty fighting. She says she takes marriage very seriously (Schwartz pipes up with “we do too”) and she’s too concerned with their behavior to accept. Katie cries and says she’s disappointed in herself and Schwartz and her as a couple-LVP gets weepy too but stands her ground.
It’s a beach day! The whole crew is in it for a day of drinking in the sun-Kristin catches Scheana already taking selfies. Stassi apparently had a date the night before and Scheana asks her how it was. She said they made out all night so I guess it went well. She’s got another date with a different one tonite. Stassi asks how the LVP thing went, Schwartz says she declined to officiate their wedding and everyone gasps in shock-Katie says this is rock bottom. If this is your rock bottom, Katie, you’re doing ok. Sandoval says he’s glad that LVP had the balls to say what everyone was thinking.
Katie and Schwartz go off on their own-Schwartz is trying to be mushy but ew. Katie finds a Dorito crumb in the corner of his mouth. They are such an awkward couple.
LVP and Ariana are horseback riding-of course LVP has a bedazzled halter for her horse. They go riding-LVP asks Ariana how things are going, Ariana tells LVP that she thinks Katie is gaining some perspective but LVP says they’ve got a ways to go. She asks Ariana if marriage is on the horizon and Ariana says no way because babies are gross.
Stassi comes over to Kristin’s apartment to get ready for the blind date that her friend Lauren set her up on. She isn’t sure what to wear because she’d need spanx with her LBD. Kristin suggests she go commando and Stassi reacts with horror at that notion. Kristin asks if she has a “kit” ready-you know, Adderall (!), Plan B, and condoms. Stassi says she won’t need condoms.
Sandoval has ordered spray tans for all of the guys at Jax’s apartment. Peter and Schwartz (along with Sandoval) all opt for the fake bake but Jax declines. Jax asks them to be careful with the tanner because his couch was $5000. He got ripped off. They wonder who is going to “ordain” Schwartz’s wedding if LVP won’t, Schwartz knows he wouldn’t want Jax to “ordain” it because that would be like “lucifer baptizing you”.
Stassi meets her blind date, David for dinner. Her ponytail is REALLY messy. They both order wine and do the usual blind date chitter chatter. Stassi asks him what he does for work, he’s a techie and gets up for work at 7am. She’s shocked and tells him sleep is really important, in fact sleep is why she’s so pretty. His next question is how long has she been single. We feel ya, David. How many times in this episode is she going to say “murder”? I know she thinks it’s hilariously cute-but no. David is way too nice for Stassi.
Tom brings in props for the SUR shoot, while he and Katie talk about the shoot the food delivery guy comes to the door (notice the “Friends” frame ripoff on the door). Schwartz brings up Vegas again and Katie tells him to just leave it in the past. Thank God. He’s going to do the shoot, and says that in a few days they’ve fixed things. 4 years of things, I guess.
It’s the day of the photo shoot-it’s Kentucky’s first and she’s excited. Ariana is over it. LVP is wearing a bump-it again. There’s a lot of setting up-lots of hair and makeup being done. The girls are the first to have their photos done. Next will be the guys in the lounge.
Stassi and Kristin meet for lunch to talk about Stassi’s date. Scheana sends Kristin a picture of the fake roasted pig that she is NOT ok with, even though it’s fake. Stassi says her date was nice but she needs more of a man. Plus she’s too wrapped up in Katie’s wedding to date.
Back at the photo shoot, the guys are doing their part. Katie pulls Scheana aside to ask her how rehearsals and speeches work because she’s never been in a wedding. Scheana takes the opportunity to tell Katie she misses the “individual closeness” they used to have. Scheana is crying and wants to be included. Katie reassures her that she’s important. They hug and love each other. Back to the shoot, LVP has Ariana and Sandoval naked on a table. Everyone is peeking at Ariana’s butt.
Schwartz and Katie get their pics done-Schwartz is looming over Katie’s shoulder in most of them and they’re uncomfortable looking.
Jax and Kentucky are doing their usual bickering-I can’t with them. They sound ridiculous and it’s unbearable. LVP sets up a group shot, Schwartz is again looming over Katie’s shoulder.
Schwartz and Katie are going to PUMP to have a sit down with LVP. LVP asks them if anything has changed in their relationship and they say yes. Schwartz pushes LVP for an answer-yes! She will officiate!
Next week: Lala returns. Stassi poses in see thru clothes. James meets the parents. Jax and Sandoval plot. Wedding festivities begin.
Talk soon, Lovelies